Normally, a “pop culture flashback” from one’s youth is enough to make anyone over the age of 40 puke Play-Doh. But, hey, as shameless as an Alex Rodriguez “announcement” during Game 4 of The World Series or a shirtless romp through Central Park - I’m going to do it anyway!
One of the most cherished mementos of my childhood was a copy of a DC comic book where Superman and the Flash raced around the world. Who was faster? Who would win? Who would win the heart, mind, body and soul of Lois Lane (shameless Pulitzer Prize-craving hussy!) at the finish line? Who cares!
The point being: It’s not about who “wins” or “loses” - but the anticipation of the race itself. (Also, said copy of the actual comic in question was destroyed when rampaging Scientologists attacked my village as a youth, so I could not even begin to tell you who won the stupid race some thirty years later - damn you, cruel fate! Damn you, L. Ron Mother-Hubbards!)
But much like Superman stopping along the way to battle a blazing orphanage in Bangladesh: I digress. The point (again) is the actual anticipation of the event. Ah, “an-ti-ci-pa-tion.” Similar to the “slow ooze” of Heinz ketchup flowing like gooey red lava over my piping hot tater tots on a sunny summer day - and not unlike the erupting volcano in Venezuela that sidetracked the Flash during his famous footrace as well, mind you. But that’s neither here nor there.
The point being (once again) is that the anticipation almost always outweighs the actual event. Sure, whether it be Superman or the Flash, you need to pick a horse, win or lose, won‘t you? Whether it be Clark Kent or Barry Allen, you want to be there for your favorite superhero when he crosses the fabled finish line, don’t you? So, whether you are pouring a freezing bucket of Gatorade over the Fastest Man Alive or just handing a comforting Kleenex “with condolences” to the Man of Steel, isn’t the most important thing (really) that you were "a witness" to this event (even as a cub reporter for The Daily Planet, living out of flea bag motels on the road and turning tricks for a hot meal)? You bet your bed and breakfast, it is!
But all good things (colorful childhood fables or otherwise) must come to end, I’m afraid. And much like a Tom Brady paternity test, it’s time to get some answers, to be sure. The undefeated New England Patriots are facing the undefeated Indianapolis Colts in “a race around the world” this Sunday and there can only be one winner: Superman or the Flash? Tom Brady or Peyton Manning?
Article comments
1 - RJ
"(Also, said copy of the actual comic in question was destroyed when rampaging Scientologists attacked my village as a youth, so I could not even begin to tell you who won the stupid race some thirty years later - damn you, cruel fate! Damn you, L. Ron Mother-Hubbards!)"
I think the Flash won. I still have that comic somewhere...
2 - Anarpis
I believe this has your answer to the Superman Vs The Flash question.
3 - Chris McVetta
Hey, thanks FOF'ers (Friends of Flash)! That kind of information is amazing and appreciated and well worth the price of admission alone to the Pop Culture Institute at BGSU!
4 - Chris McVetta
I got pulled over by The Green Lantern Corps (for speeding) and all I got was this stupid power ring!
Sometimes it's not about who "wins" or "loses" - it's all about the race. Unless, of course, you actually LOSE, in which case it's just a stupid metaphor. Stupid, stupid metaphor! (Bangs head like Rain Man).