The final game of the season was not even to halftime before the little ESPN news banner below the screen was reporting that Mike Tice was given his walking papers. It must have been shocking for him, until he read the signature on them: Zygi Wilf. I'm sure he laughed and said, "Real funny guys. Like I'm gonna fall for this with a name like that."
Of course, Zygi Wilf is real, and quite serious. Tice is gone. Expect to see him next year outside the Metrodome shouting, "I got two!"
The follow up to this news was the announcement that erstwhile Rams coach Mike Martz was also given the axe. Martz had already missed the last 11 games of the season and the Rams management wouldn't take his phone calls. This announcement came from Rams spokesman, Captain Obvious.
The Packers' Mike Sherman, the Texans' Dom Capers and the Saints' Jim Haslett were also pitched aside as soon as the season ended. Norv Turner bought it a couple of days later. Happy Frickin' New Year, guys! Say hi to Mariucci behind the counter at McDonald's.
(Didn't Brett Favre offer up an if-he-goes-I-go comment re: Mike Sherman earlier in the year? Guess we know where everyone stands...)
Dick Vermeil is also gone, but by his own choice. A very good coach, I suspect we will see a Gibbs/Parcells style comeback in a year or two. Coaching skills aside, with Vermeil gone we must mourn the loss of one of history's greatest practitioners of the scrunchy face. Most people believe Vermeil's signature countenance to be that of the weeping man. They're wrong. As much time as Vermeil spends blubbering, he's spends more time maintaining the scrunchy face. I have seen Chiefs games where Vermeil holds that expression for the entire game, whereas his press conference waterworks last a few minutes at best.
The scrunchy face is an art form. One way to think of the scrunchy face is to visualize someone devoting their entire self, mind and soul, to clearly and loudly pronouncing the word "Huh?" in complete disbelief. Another way to think of it is to picture someone who has just inhaled some horrendous odor. Vermeil's genius is to combine the two, as if both things happened simultaneously. For instance, he just saw Trent Green and Dante Hall making out in the shower and accidentally grabbed Willie Roaf's soiled jockstrap to cover his eyes. I am convinced he visualized exactly that before every game just to get his expression exactly right, then his training kicks in and he keeps it up until it's time to cry in the press conference. He will forever remain the king of the scrunchy face.
Article comments
1 - Tinkerbell
$570 should suffice for a nice pair of shoes.
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
Absolutely a clutch way to end the season.
If Blogcritics had draft picks, you'd get the last pick in the first round.
3 - Bennett
Thanks David, for a wonderfully entertaining series.
I do hope to be reading your work next season, as well as more of the stunning comments by Tinkerbell...
Have a great off-season!
BTW, I glad you jumped off the NE bandwagon, that means they really DO have a shot at going all the way!
:-]
Bennett
4 - Shark
Dave, great stuff. Thanks for all the work you put into this series.
Shark Goes Out On a Limb:
PICKS
Skins
Pats
Panthers
Bengals
=====
Misc. Expert Advice: bet against everyone I picked; it works everytime.
~Go *Cowboys!
*doh!
5 - RJ Elliott
Redskins advance, beat Bucs 17-10...
6 - RJ Elliott
New England is taking Jacksonville apart...
7 - RJ Elliott
So, the winners:
Washington
New England
Carolina
Pittsburgh
DM is 4-0...great job!
Tink is 3-1...pretty good for a girl! ;-)
8 - David Mazzotta
Oh dear. I'm very glad you said that and not me, RJ.
It may be time to look into witness protection.
9 - Tinkerbell
So the ugly helmet team won, and he beat me one weekend. BFD. I still smoked him for the entire season, not to mention having to deal with his sushi "incident" two days ago.
10 - Shark
I went 3-1. Not bad for a non-football fan whose method of picking is based on how well I feel the mascots would do in a one-on-one, hand-to-hand fight.
Misc. Opinion from a Neophyte:
Man, I thought Jacksonville did pretty well considering they have Gary Coleman for quarterback. Who would have thought he would go from "Different Strokes" to the NFL? Ain't America great?!
And boy, has he grown...
11 - Matthew T. Sussman
You thought a Native American could kill a pirate? What history book did you read?
12 - Shark
Sussman, two points:
1) Know much about Comanches?
2) It worked, didn't it...
13 - Matthew T. Sussman
Only that they lived inland.
14 - david mazzotta
So how did he pick the Tiger vs. Rust Belt Corporation battle?
And what about the Giants? Is it Giant as in Jolly Green Giant, or more along the lines of George Muresan?
I think we might be on to something here.
15 - Shark
I dunno, Dave, I might go with helmet aesthetics on the next round.