NFL Picks of a Thoughtful Fool, Week 17

Part of: NFL Picks of a Thoughtful Fool

I am sick: head congestion, sore throat, cough. The symptoms roughly correspond to a cold, but I am convinced it's something worse. Like pneumonia. Or Bird Flu. Hell, maybe it's a tumor. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure I'm at death's door. Lucky I have made my mark on this world through my legacy of football picks.

At least if I reach Heaven I can count on having NFL Sunday Ticket, or maybe I can just look down and see any game I want and even fly down for a close up view of the line play once I get my wings. On the other hand, if I wind up Down Below, my guess is the football viewing is pretty close to what I have now: the only sure thing is that the Lions game will be on.

Actually, in Hell, all games are Lions games.

But seriously, we live in an on-demand age. I can listen to any music I want, at any time I want, and have the choice of buying or renting it. I can time-shift movies and TV or simply order them when I'm ready to watch. Anything that isn't already on-demand is moving in that direction. How long do you think it will be until I can get my Rhapsody playlist streamed to my car? Or how about the entire inventory of Blockbuster ready to order through my digital cable box?

So then why is it that I can only get a predetermined set of football games, theoretically tailored to my geographical market by some NFL bureaucrat? Instead of getting what I want, I get what some suit's idea of what a typical person who lives within a couple hundred miles of me might want to see on average. Did we take the time tunnel back to the Stone Age?

For those not familiar with NFL Sunday Ticket, it is an extra cost package that gives you access to any the game you want (with a minor exception now and then). That's a pretty simple model. Pay roughly $250 up front and you're covered for the whole season. There are even optional add-ons like Short Cuts, a replay of an entire game with nothing but the plays, everything else is edited out. You can watch an entire game in 30 minutes. Cool, eh? All in all, it's a nice package; I would buy it every year without a second thought. The problem is, it is only available with DirecTV. That's right, no cable TV customer can have access to this; it is for DirecTV subscribers only.

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Article Author: David Mazzotta

David Mazzotta is author of the comic novels Apple Pie and Business as Usual.

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Article comments

  • 1 - David Mazzotta

    Dec 29, 2005 at 11:31 pm

    Sure enough, as soon as I post this, the article I referred to about the DirecTV contract is now archived and available for payment only.

    Here is a similar AP story if you want some more detailed info on the NFL's TV contracts:

  • 2 - Tinkerbell

    Dec 30, 2005 at 10:40 am

    What I really want to know is where can I purchase a down marker? I found end zone markers for cheap, but the acquisition of a down marker continues to elude me.

    And I am STILL angry with NFL.com for listing the Broncos on TV last Saturday...I was looking forward to it for TWO WEEKS. Stupids.

  • 3 - Matthew T. Sussman

    Dec 30, 2005 at 3:25 pm

    I'm sorry, but how in the world does Rex Grossman get to be a playoff quarterback with a career 4-3 record as a starter?

  • 4 - Matthew T. Sussman

    Dec 30, 2005 at 4:00 pm

    "From Rex Grossman's performance on Saturday, it's pretty clear that one can have a solid throwing arm or a full neck beard, but one cannot have both."

    Known as the Jake Plummer Exception.

  • 5 - Bennett

    Dec 30, 2005 at 7:31 pm

    A total laugh riot.

    I hope you feel better soon, David, or that you die without infecting anyone else.

    Why your column isn't syndicated coast to coast is the really big mystery.

  • 6 - RJ Elliott

    Dec 30, 2005 at 9:13 pm

    Hope you get better soon, bro...

  • 7 - RJ Elliott

    Jan 01, 2006 at 6:52 pm

    (Spread Picks)

    Green Bay -4 WIN
    Broncos +10.5 WIN
    Dallas -12.5 ?
    Pittsburgh -13.5 WIN
    Tampa Bay -13.5 WIN
    Washington -7.5 ?
    Indianapolis -6 LOSE

    So, 4-1-2 so far...

    (Line Picks)

    Denver, $440 WIN
    New York Jets, $105 WIN
    Atlanta, $178 LOSE
    Houston, $90.09 ?
    Jacksonville, $59.52 WIN
    Seattle, $184.00 LOSE

    So, 3-2-1 so far...

  • 8 - David Mazzotta

    Jan 02, 2006 at 1:01 am

    Thanks everyone, for the kind words. Strangely, I'm not dead yet. Not even coughing up blood.

    5-2 against the spread. 3-3 on the line, but the Denver win puts me in the money for sure.

    Sweet way to end the season.

  • 9 - Eric Berlin

    Jan 06, 2006 at 12:50 am

    I love your writing voice and your consistently strong column, David!

    This piece has been chosen as a Blogcritics.org Editor's Pick of the Week, Celery Sticks and the Post-New Year Story Cornucopia edition, congrats!

    You've just earned yourself the right to nominate your favorite story (for the period of 1/4 â€" 1/10) for next week's Editors' Picks column. List the link, the story title, and the author in the comments area of this week's column, and of course tell us why it deserves to be honored!

    Thanks and congrats again ~ EB

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