And now, for those of you who thought this was a Super Bowl column, let's talk about the Super Bowl.
The good news is the Saints didn't make the game. Imagine the flood of weepy editorials and saccharine TV features. We would have been awash in maudlin sentimentality, swamped by smug celebrities, crying out in vain for some sort of assistance. And we would only have Bush (Reggie) to blame.
The bad news is the Patriots are not here. That's only bad because I picked them to win. I guess if your go-to receiver looks like that deer I just missed driving home in the dark last night, you know you're in trouble. There was some bad officiating: a deeply pathetic roughing-the-Peyton penalty, and a horrendous no-call of pass interference, but you can't let the other team get close enough that a bad call kills you. By the way, was that Tom Brady we saw choking in the final drive? Shhhh. We'll just pretend you never said that.
The fearful news is that at halftime we will be treated to The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, maintaining the recent tradition of raiding nursing homes for musical acts who have no body parts that anyone wants to see exposed. In fact, the Purple One swivels a good deal less these days because he is in need of hip replacement but, as a Jehovah's Witness (he converted in the mid-90s), he can't abide the required blood transfusion.
Like a proper aging pop star, Prince has a regular show in Vegas every Friday and Saturday night at the Rio. Guests have reported getting a knock on the door from an elvish fellow in purple tights who asks, in a sexy falsetto, if they have seen the light and read a pamphlet.
In Vegas there are two things you are conditioned not to notice after a while: effeminate people covered in sequins and old guys in the buffet line complaining about their hip. Prince can hide in plain sight.
The majority of the Super Bowl hype is running along two paths. One is black coaches. Since both head coaches are black, barring a violent coup of Roger Goodell by Bud Selig, we will have our first ever black coach to win the Super Bowl. This theme is less annoying than Jerome-Bettis-is-from-Detroit, but not by much. I'll let Bill Simmons of ESPN.com sum it up:
For the first time, we have two African-American coaches in the same game (Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith). That's going to lead to a series of columns and features about the significance of this fact, followed by a series of columns claiming that it's 2007 and we'll have truly broken down the race barrier when two blacks can coach in the Super Bowl without anyone mentioning this, followed by a series of columns excoriating the previous series of columns for belittling the significance of two black Super Bowl coaches in a league that has clearly been afraid to hire black head coaches.
Actually the biggest thing these coaches have done is overcome the legacy of Art Shell.
Article comments
1 - alessandro nicolo
Great piece, David. Lotsa good info. The translation bit was funny. I would add one tiny thing: while it is true CFL rosters are filled with American born players, football at a grass roots level in Canada (especially in Quebec) is growing. I hear Mexico has taken a liking to the game it seems only natural they would be the third country. But for now, at the junior ranks Canada is the only country that rivals America. In fact, they've won back to back World Titles. It shouldn't surprise many since Canadians have been playing football as early as the 19th century and have contributed to the development of the game. Another issue is the small population.
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
YOU CANNOT PREVENT AMAZING FUN MYSTIC SLANT ROUTE PASSES OF TOM BRADY!!! ^_^
3 - david mazzotta
All right, who gave Sussman caffeine?
Alessandro - I had no idea that Canada was so strong in the juniors. I wonder why it doesn't translate to college or pro. Interestingly, the NFL maintains a Canada specifc site where, among other things, they list all the Canadian players in the NFL Currently there are 14, of which 3 are on practice squads.
4 - Tinkerbell
Me and the Liz (dog) are gonna root for the Corn-Fed-One. It's his time.
And can someone please give Sussman his daily allotment of Xanax?
5 - alessandro nicolo
It's the same in baseball. Up to 18 years old Canada produces fine talent but beyond that we don't develop further. The only ones who squeeze through are the Nash's, Walker's and Morneau's of this world. I suspect it comes down to two things: money and commitment. There are other subtle considerations but that would take too long.
6 - Gary Garland
Actually, baseball was wildly popular in Japan long before the first pro league came along in 1936 and the sport has been played in Japan since the 19th century. MLB all star teams toured there many times before the war, the most famous being in 1934, when Babe Ruth came over with Lou Gehrig, Earl Averill and others and it was the impetus from that that helped create the current pro league. So baseball isn't just a postwar phenomenon in Japan. Check out my website and you'll see what I mean.
7 - RJ Elliott
ALL YOUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF BELONG TO US!!!
8 - RJ Elliott
And, yes, that was horribly unoriginal.
Great article, David. Go Colts!
9 - alessandro nicolo
Dave, make that three world junior titles in a row. Canada beat USA 23-13. Mexico beat Japan 25-17 for the bronze medal. Panama and France took part this year in the six team tournament.
10 - david mazzotta
Well, there you are. Total Colts domination as expected. Look at the stats and the score could have easily been a lot more lopsided. Congrats to Dungy and Peyton above all.
A hearfelt thanks to all my readers. You guys rock one and all.
See you in September.
11 - david mazzotta
Oh, by the way -- I'll be spending the rest of the year trying to get the image of Prince behind that sheet play with his, um, guitar, out of my head.