Welcome back to NFL Picks of a Thoughtful Fool, where we provide the most well thought out, if not the most accurate, NFL picks the world has ever seen. If you are new to this column, that sentence makes no sense to you. It will in a few minutes when we get into the meat and potatoes. But we should talk about the season so far.
The centerpiece of this season has been Terrell Owens. Sorry, I know it hurts, but in the interest of journalistic integrity I had to say it. Not only has he met every challenge to his primacy but he has absolutely crushed the competition into oblivion.
Consider the following travesties:
• The Lions defensive line coach gets busted for taking Joe Pesci's comment about getting f***ed at the drive-thru a bit too literally.
• The Cincinnati Bengals have installed a bar, a fleet of Escalades, an off-duty cop, and a holding cell at their practice facility just for efficiency's sake.
• Koren Robinson violates his probation and, like the high school star QB who gets suspended for beating up the smart kid, his sentence is delayed until after the season.
• Ricky Manning allegedly assaults a customer at Denny's assuming him to be a "F***ing Jew" and a "Faggot," because we all know that Denny's is both kosher and stylish.
• Albert Haynesworth does a Riverdance on the head of an offensive lineman to the tune of about thirty stitches.
• Matt Millen and Joe Theismann are still employed.
And even in the face of this incessant, often lurid, drama, it's still T.O.'s world. We debated his hamstring. We snickered at his dropped passes. We chattered about his "suicide" attempt. We pointed and laughed at his "publicist." We sneered at his lost text messages. We joined him in pondering in the existential question "Why the f*** am I here?" We watched endless replays of him yelling at his coaches. He should send all of us a one word text message: Owned.
We even kid ourselves that we are sick of hearing about him. Why oh why can't he stop his charades so we can just follow football like real fans do?
Why ask why? He will continue his antics and we will continue to hate him, even though we can't look away. I'm sure whenever he hears how everyone is so sick of him he responds just like the Buffalo Bills did when they were on their way to losing their fourth straight Super Bowl: "We're back, America. Deal with it."
Article comments
1 - RJ Elliott
Welcome back! :)
2 - BangTheBook
Well written. Have to disagree with your Texans pick. Titans have played as hard as any team this year plus they do have some talent on the offensive side. I dont see them losing this one at home.
I would also pass on the cowboys till you see how Romo plays
GL this weekend
BTB
3 - david mazzotta
BTB, you do have good reason for beleiving that about the Titans. They beat the Redskins, which as it turns out is not such an accomplishment, but the played Indy close which is.
However, based on the DVOA that I follow they are the lowest rated team in the league. That statistic comapares a team's result in every play of the year so far against the average for the league in similar situations. According to that The Titans come out on the bottom (although not by much, and they are much better than the worst team in most years).
Interestly by that measure both defenses (Titans and Texans) are atrocious. Titans also have a horrible offense while the Houston O is a hair better than average.
Of course, all this depends on future performance mirroring past performance. If the Titans have turned it around in the last couple of weeks, it could have just not shown up in the numbers yet.
Yes, the Dallas call is the one I have the least confidence in. As far as Romo goes, I think he'll be OK. He was in a tough situation last week -- thrown into a volatile situation where he desperately needed to make something happen. He should do beter this week, unless he finds himself in a volatile situation where he needs to desperately make something happen.
4 - david mazzotta
Well, three quarters are over and it's pretty clear the Vikings aren't going to get within a field goal of the Pats. Bloody hell.
So that means I'm 2-3 on the spread. I'm 3-3 on the line, but I'll be up in dollars becasue of the underdog payouts.
The only silver lining to tonight is that I am certain to get a future column out of how abysmal the ESPN Monday Night productions are. They should be deeply ashamed of themselves.
5 - Matthew T. Sussman
What line did you put down on the giant inflatable head races?
6 - RJ Elliott
I love Tony Kornheiser on PTI, but the guy is just plain obnoxious and annoying on MNF...even though he spends most of his time busting Joe Theismann's balls, which is understandable...
7 - david mazzotta
Kornheiser is the Lawrence Taylor of the MNF booth.
MNF on ESPN is just a disaster, from Monday Night Countdown on. They all need to be JACKED UP!