Welcome back to NFL Picks of a Thoughtful Fool, where we provide the most well thought out, if not the most accurate, NFL picks the world has ever seen. If you are new to this column, that sentence makes no sense to you. It will in a few minutes when we get into the meat and potatoes. But we should talk about the season so far.
The centerpiece of this season has been Terrell Owens. Sorry, I know it hurts, but in the interest of journalistic integrity I had to say it. Not only has he met every challenge to his primacy but he has absolutely crushed the competition into oblivion.
Consider the following travesties:
• The Lions defensive line coach gets busted for taking Joe Pesci's comment about getting f***ed at the drive-thru a bit too literally.
• The Cincinnati Bengals have installed a bar, a fleet of Escalades, an off-duty cop, and a holding cell at their practice facility just for efficiency's sake.
• Koren Robinson violates his probation and, like the high school star QB who gets suspended for beating up the smart kid, his sentence is delayed until after the season.
• Ricky Manning allegedly assaults a customer at Denny's assuming him to be a "F***ing Jew" and a "Faggot," because we all know that Denny's is both kosher and stylish.
• Albert Haynesworth does a Riverdance on the head of an offensive lineman to the tune of about thirty stitches.
• Matt Millen and Joe Theismann are still employed.
And even in the face of this incessant, often lurid, drama, it's still T.O.'s world. We debated his hamstring. We snickered at his dropped passes. We chattered about his "suicide" attempt. We pointed and laughed at his "publicist." We sneered at his lost text messages. We joined him in pondering in the existential question "Why the f*** am I here?" We watched endless replays of him yelling at his coaches. He should send all of us a one word text message: Owned.
We even kid ourselves that we are sick of hearing about him. Why oh why can't he stop his charades so we can just follow football like real fans do?
Why ask why? He will continue his antics and we will continue to hate him, even though we can't look away. I'm sure whenever he hears how everyone is so sick of him he responds just like the Buffalo Bills did when they were on their way to losing their fourth straight Super Bowl: "We're back, America. Deal with it."