Chicago Bulls - John Paxson's Valium for Adderall so he wakes up and makes a move.
Detroit Pistons - A case of Bell's Oberon Ale to David Stern in return for letting them skip directly to the Eastern Conference Finals without injury.
Milwaukee Bucks - Permission for Yi Jianlian to play for the Chinese national team this summer in return for a muzzle for Andrew Bogut (made in China, natch).
Atlanta Hawks - The Hawks scorekeeping crew for Mrs. Refanski's fourth grade class at King Elementary in Marietta.
Charlotte Bobcats - Michael Jordan for Juanita Jordan; at least she'll use her visitation rights to see a few games.
Miami Heat - Marcus Banks to the Knicks for Fred Jones' expiring contract. Sure, it's ridiculous, but have you seen Pat Riley at work this season? He gets Isiah in the same room as him and you know that mechanical hips don't lie, baby.
Orlando Magic - 200 hours of volunteer community appearances by Magic players to Orange County police in return for an Amber Alert for the whereabouts of Jameer Nelson.
Washington Wizards - 100 hugs a day from Abe Pollin to Gilbert Arenas in return for Arenas picking up his player option for 2008-09.
Western Conference
Dallas Mavericks - Clipper Darrell, Morganna the kissing bandit, Up with People, and Emmett Kelly III to the Mavericks in return for not having so much damned pressure on Dirk to win a game in June.
Houston Rockets - Skip to my Lou to the Clippers for Clementine.
Memphis Grizzlies - A pre-paid shipping box to Michael Heisley to put the team in and a bag of packing peanuts. If Michael drops that box in the mail with "TO: LAS VEGAS" on the front, Oscar Goodman will send his two favorite showgirls back.
New Orleans Hornets - 100 tickets earmarked for FEMA director R. David Paulison in return for receiving permission to tell the city of New Orleans that the Hornets came back years ago.
Article comments
1 - Boring
This whole blog is an un-funny personal attack but you don't allow personal attacks?
You like this blog make very little sense at all.