It's been a busy February on the NBA trade front, hasn't it? Shaquille O'Neal to the Suns; Pau Gasol to the Lakers; Jason Collins to the Grizzlies... when does the madness end?
February 21st, actually. Therefore, your favorite team still has time to make the big deal that will be a Big Deal and make them better in time for the final playoff push.
As a favor to the NBA in return for letting us have Jamario Moon, I have constructed one suggested trade for every team that will improve them immediately. Use these as a starting point with other general managers to get your team back on track or acquire that final piece to the apocryphal puzzle.
(Note: if you'd like to play at home, you're probably not Isiah Thomas.)
Eastern Conference
New Jersey Nets - Cash considerations to Fish'n'Yips pet store in East Rutherford, NJ, for an electric shock collar to use on Vince Carter every time he takes off a play. Also, burn cream for Vince Carter's neck.
New York Knicks - James Dolan for Larry Dolan. (Or, as we call it in the industry, "Goofus for Gallant".)
Boston Celtics - Doc Rivers for our 12th caller here on the Big Show. We're taking the 12th caller. Don't even bother calling in, Chris Ford.
Philadelphia 76ers - Calvin Booth for the Rocky statue.
Cleveland Cavaliers - LeBron James and sizable cash considerations to the San Antonio Spurs for the San Antonio Spurs.
Toronto Raptors - Jason Kapono and a second-round pick to the Wizards for Andrea Bargnani's noive. (Chris Bosh already has the brains and T.J. Ford definitely has the heart.)
Indiana Pacers - Stephen Graham, Kareem Rush, Danny Granger, Andre Owens, Shawne Williams, Jermaine O'Neal, Marquis Daniels, Ike Diogu, and Jamaal Tinsley to Utah for Mehmet Okur, Matt Harpring, Andrei Kirilenko, Kyrylo Fesenko, and Carlos Boozer (close enough).
Chicago Bulls - John Paxson's Valium for Adderall so he wakes up and makes a move.
Detroit Pistons - A case of Bell's Oberon Ale to David Stern in return for letting them skip directly to the Eastern Conference Finals without injury.
Milwaukee Bucks - Permission for Yi Jianlian to play for the Chinese national team this summer in return for a muzzle for Andrew Bogut (made in China, natch).
Atlanta Hawks - The Hawks scorekeeping crew for Mrs. Refanski's fourth grade class at King Elementary in Marietta.
Charlotte Bobcats - Michael Jordan for Juanita Jordan; at least she'll use her visitation rights to see a few games.
Miami Heat - Marcus Banks to the Knicks for Fred Jones' expiring contract. Sure, it's ridiculous, but have you seen Pat Riley at work this season? He gets Isiah in the same room as him and you know that mechanical hips don't lie, baby.
Orlando Magic - 200 hours of volunteer community appearances by Magic players to Orange County police in return for an Amber Alert for the whereabouts of Jameer Nelson.
Article comments
1 - Boring
This whole blog is an un-funny personal attack but you don't allow personal attacks?
You like this blog make very little sense at all.