For a mid-sized city like Des Moines, part of the nice thing about getting a fancy new arena is the influx of minor-league sports. The Dallas Stars installed a minor league franchise (the cleverly titled Iowa Stars) in 2005, and now the NBA is going to place a Developmental League franchise in the Wells Fargo Arena.
The franchise, of course, requires a name. While that detail seems totally mundane to you, me, or Dupree, it has caused the owners to, shall we say, freak the fuck out. They've decided that the name has to reflect Des Moines and Iowa and pay homage to the fact that there are farms in the area and/or that Des Moines is situated on not one but two (TWO!!!) rivers.
Earlier this week, the ownership announced their five finalists for the team name: The Des Moines River Rats, the Iowa Corncobs, the Iowa Scarecrows, the Iowa Maize, and the Iowa Thoroughbreds. Honest to God, those were the owners' best ideas.
The fans have responded thusly:
"BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! BOOOO FUCK YOU BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
The negative reaction has actually caused the owners to, with days remaining before the unveiling (with an incomprehensible "special appearance" by Around The Horn's own Bob Ryan), take all five names off the table. Said unfortunate P.R. whipping boy Jamie Buelt, "There was some pushback to the proposed names and the owners are responding to that."
One would hope so. All five names are completely fucking awful. It's a D-League franchise nickname; it doesn't have to be some one-word embodiment of Iowa's rich heritage of, uh, scarecrows. It's not as if bears and their cubs roamed the streets of Chicago around the turn of the 20th century, or that the New York Giants are really that much taller than anyone else.
Even if the nickname must be state-specific, why corn? Why? Yes, Iowa has a shitload of farmers, but most of the state's population lives in towns and cities just like everywhere else. There's not some time warp around Iowa's borders that takes entrants back to 1913 where everyone's still amazed at the horseless carriage and bitching about that Woodrow Wilson guy. Why not go all out and name the team the Iowa What The Fuck Is Running Water?
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Iowa Field Mice.
I always liked the Blacksmiths as a minor league name.
2 - GoingLikeSixty
Iowa Caucus... or caucasians, either would work.
HoCoSo's: HOg, COrn, SOybeans.
Exodus
3 - Allen Williams
I think some more F bombs would help you make your point better. What a gifted communicator.
4 - Adam Jacobi
Allen--
Duly noted. It's probably a residual of hearing about this ruling by the 2nd Circuit. via the washington post
5 - nicolas
be happy adam.
at least they aren't the Montgomery Biscuits (the Devil Rays' AA team)
6 - Dr Dreadful
And why exactly does a team name have to reflect the region?
Take the Utah Jazz. Very appropriate, that. Because, as everyone knows, Louis Armstrong was a Latter-Day Saint from Provo and Lester Young was Brigham's little brother.
Then there's the whole business of keeping the nickname when you move the franchise. The Los Angeles Lakers didn't make sense to me (I mean, there's no lake in LA, at least not to speak of) until someone explained that the franchise was originally based in Minnesota. Ah.
In my opinion, Iowa should take a leaf from the Toronto MLS team. No nickname, no argument, no drama.
7 - nicolas
yeah, but Dr. D, that was Toronto just copying standard Euroleague practice of having the name be brief (Real Madrid, FC Barcelona, etc)
And Utah falls in the same category as the Lakers - they were originally rhe New Orleans Jazz.
8 - STM
The Gulargambone Sheep Rooters