Put on the tinfoil hat. Now take that silly thing off because there's no way you can swim in that and make up the time. It's simple aerodynamics, dude. Not when Michael Phelps is bustin' your tail. Don't give "The Man" any reason for to think he won his seventh gold medal by 0.01 second over you or any Serbian. (Note: "The Man" takes many forms. Sometimes it's a peacock. Sometimes it's a big red "E." Other times it's a bright orange sphere in the sky that shows itself from 6 a.m. to about 9 p.m. Please avoid all these possible incarnations at all costs, and report sightings to your local non-government-sanctioned constable.)
A new website, 001ofasecond.com, has documented Phelps' 100-meter butterfly "win" in the Olympics over Serbian Milo Cavic by — guess! — one hundredth of a second, or the time it takes your latest Twitter posting to become largely irrelevant. The anonymous website administrator notes that the times between Phelps and Cavic were really, really close. And because the times were really, really, close, it's hard to tell definitively with the human eye who won. In fact, it looked like Milo Cavic won. But Omega, the official timekeeper of the Olympics (and sponsor of Michael Phelps since 2004) and official sponsor of the lane Phelps was in, declared the American eight-gold-medal-hopeful and all-around stud the winner.
Also, Michael Phelps has a lot of corporate sponsors, including Visa, Speedo, AT&T, PowerBar, Hilton, and Rosetta Stone. (That last participant is involved in order to propagate the conspiracy amongst several languages.)
Then 001ofasecond.com — which is an erroneous domain name, ya got one zero too many, friend — goes into a list of facts, including:
"• Milorad Cavic beats Michael Phelps (QUALIFYING SESSION) at the 2008 Beijing Olympics (Source: Reuters)"
Well, then. He won the qualifiers. Give Cavic the gold!
"• Milorad Cavic beats Michael Phelps (FINALS SESSION) at the 2008 Beijing Olympics (Source: NBC)