Is It Too Soon To Joke About Big Ben Getting Clocked?

Disclaimer: The following article contains many, many jokes about Ben Roethlisberger getting a motorcycle accident. I am a fan of his. I want him to get better. But this story is absolutely hilarious, so either lighten up or read some of our other fine articles.

Pittsburgh Steelers' star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger adds another notch to his "I'm a lucky bastard" belt.

First he gets a scholarship to a rising college football program (Miami University) after one year of playing quarterback in high school.

Then his stock in the 2004 draft takes the perfect nosedive so that the Steelers draft him as their future QB.

And speaking of nosedives, we've all heard about Big Ben getting his bell rung on a Pittsburgh avenue while riding a motorcycle. While he's used to five 300-pound lugs staving off equally large men, absolutely nothing protected his 240-pound frame from the force of the oncoming Chrysler New Yorker except for a luscious head of hair.

When news broke of his accident, people feared the worst, in order of importance:

• Will he miss part of the season?
• Will he miss the entire season?
• Will he ever play football again?
• Will he be able to walk again?
• Will he die?
• Gasp — will Charlie Batch once again be a starting quarterback?

But he will live. And talk. He'll still play football. This season. Maybe most of it, even. The Steelers have all but said he'll be ready to play by Week 1. And police checked into it — Batch wasn't the one driving the car.

After his seven-hour surgery in a nearby hospital, doctors announced a hefty list of injuries, none of them life-threatening:

• Fractured jaw
• Broken nose
• Missing/chipped teeth
• Nine-inch laceration to back of head
• Mild concussion
• Damage to both knees

Article Author: Matthew T. Sussman

Sussman is the founder and former editor of Blogcritics Sports. Twitter: @suss2hyphens

Visit Matthew T. Sussman's author page — Matthew T. Sussman's Blog