If Brandon Webb and Barry Zito Pitched In New York - Page 2

Part of: Desert Pepper

So let's pretend that Webb and Zito pitched in the Big Apple — for argument's sake, Zito with the Mets and Webb with the Yankees. (Thread your own specifics, if you must.) Think of the headlines. Or, better yet, the New York Post's back page:

"BARRY ZERO"

"FROM L TO Z"

"WORLD WIDE WEBB"

"THE BRONX IS BRANDON"

Well, it helps if you picture those slogans in 400-point font.

Even though it's early, there aren't a lot — if any — San Franciscans clamoring for Zito to be traded. It's not a logical move, but it'd certainly make for some impassioned pleas were he in New York. Hypothetically, by now we'd hear at least 73 New York and national columnists talk about Zito's cancerous clubhouse personality, and how a trade is imminent to the Yankees, Cubs, Red Sox, Dodgers, or — just to be über-meta here — Giants.

Also, Webb would probably get a 6-year, $130 million extension right about now, and there would be numerous rumors that he was cheating on his wife with a country singer. Or that she was cheating. Either way, Page Six would dedicate one 'graf to him per issue. At least until he lost a game to Boston 12-1. Then we'd hear trade demands.

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Article Author: Matthew T. Sussman

Sussman is the sports editor of BC Magazine and the executive editor of Technorati. He also writes for Deadspin and Toledo Free Press. He and Tuffy can be heard hosting the Treehouse Fort, Sundays at 12 noon ET. Plus, he Twitters. …

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Article comments

  • 1 - Casey Michel

    Apr 28, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    The downward spiral Zito has found himself in is one of the most pathetic stories coming out of West Coast baseball in the last decade. It wasn't long ago that Sports Illustrated ran a piece detailing Zito's shaggy mane and penchant for all things quintessentially California - surfing, meditation, and taking life as it comes. It's too bad Peter Magowan came along with a fat check and ruined what was a great tale of a kid who played the game in its purest sense - for the sake of playing. My question is would Zito be willing to make the move to New York? Certainly if Zito found himself in the Big Apple his self-destruction would be font-page news, but, then again, he would also be playing for a title contender.

  • 2 - Tan The Man

    Apr 29, 2008 at 3:58 am

    In recent developments, Zito was just demoted to the pen.

    Either he comes out of the rut soon or he becomes the first $18 million closer.

  • 3 - Matthew T. Sussman

    Apr 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    Ya gotta wonder if he's hurt and just isn't telling anyone.

  • 4 - Braxton

    Apr 29, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    Brandon Webb is going to get so paid....will be over $150 million at this pace

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