I have to admit that soccer players can be pretty weenie sometimes. These past few days I’ve been watching the Copa America (the continental South American championship) and the FIFA Under-20 World Cup.
Quick: did you know the Copa America is older than the World Cup? Use it at the dinner table tonight. You’ll be a star. You know what else? FIFA is all into their "Fair Game" motto, but how is play acting fair game?
Yes, I like soccer. I am not ashamed to admit this. Most of the criticism directed at the game is often made out of pure ignorance of the game. Alas, my pappy told me that this world would be filled with evil people so I’ve learned to roll with it. But my love and appreciation for the game doesn’t preclude me from being objective when it comes to observing it. I’m not hardcore for much of anything, let alone soccer - Except for one thing.
I move on.
There are aspects of soccer that simply make me want to puke in Rosie O’Donnell’s cereal. First among them are the theatrics. Sometimes I watch soccer and I think I’m watching the ballet. And don’t get me going on the whining.
Years ago, I was playing in a game when a teammate fell to the ground in the penalty area and earned a penalty shot. I ran up to him but he kept his hands clutched to his face moaning in mock pain face down. The more I tried to pull him up the more stiff he became. Rigor mortis, is it?
Anyway, amidst the commotion he managed to peek up at me and say, “did I get the penalty?”
Pathetic.
Theatrics have been around the game for decades and it is generally accepted it came, like maize and the tomato, by way of South America. Theatrics, as the name implies, is theater on the pitch. Like the plays of that English dude, Shakespeare.
Those crazy Latinos. They not only had an artistic interpretation of the game, they also brought a deceiving aspect to it.
Today, it belongs to the world. It has become an accepted norm of the game. It is a ploy by players to waste time and conserve energy. As such, many self-proclaimed purists have defended it as a classic and traditional soccer tactic.
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Article comments
1 - Dr Dreadful
Years ago, I was playing in a game when a teammate fell to the ground in the penalty area and earned a penalty shot. I ran up to him but he kept his hands clutched to his face moaning in mock pain face down. The more I tried to pull him up the more stiff he became. Rigor mortis, is it?
Anyway, amidst the commotion he managed to peek up at me and say, "did I get the penalty?"
I think you could have done with a few lessons from the legendary Vinnie Jones. He would have directed you to apply your boot forcibly to the soft squishy area located at the junction of the grovelling player's thighs. You'd get sent off but it would be worth it.
2 - STM
Nothing like a bit of creative knee grabbing in soccer. The Italians (sorry Al) have turned the milking dive into a fine art. It got us chicked out of the world cup too, undeservedly I felt.
3 - Dr Dreadful
The Italians are experts at the art of the Vinnie, too - as the USA found out at the last World Cup. To their credit, the Yanks gave as good as they got. Perhaps if it had been DaMarcus Beasley rather than Zinedine Zidane who'd succumbed to the joys of Italian-provoked headbutting, the tournament might have turned out very differently...
4 - STM
Didn't I see an excellent British movie with Vinnie Jones in it, and doing really well too?
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels? ... what a fair-dinkum classic. And Snatch, bloody hilarious - which also revealed to me that Brad Pitt could actually act.
Nothing like a good pommy gangster/London wideboys movie, no matter the era.
5 - alessandro Nicolo
Vinnie Jones?
Wo,wo,wo,wo fellas. You know I love you guys but is it not a tad rich to single out the Italians? What about the French and Portuguese? The English love to claim they don't dive but they do. The Germans were pretty good at it tooin 2006. Um, anyone recall the "penalty" in 1990 to win the World Cup? And as the article points out, diving comes from South America. We can go on and on and on and on with this stuff and it won't necessarily involve the pasta boys. So, please.
Granted, the Italians embellish - they don't dive outright and that's a function of how they play tight marking in Italy - more than most but did you notice which teams committed the most fouls? England, Germany and France. I recognize that some fouls are a result of a dive and vice versa. So we'll go with the assumption that all things even out in the end.
In the American game with Italy, the U.S. came out playing like huns. They literally confused Italy with awkward tackles. That's why they began falling. As for the the De Rossi elbow on McBride, De Rossi immediately apologized but you ALL KNOW that's how almost every player goes up in the air for the ball. Sometimes it ends up bloodied.
I've been watching the Americans at the Gold Cup and Copa America (where they have disappointed me. I want this team to win dammit!) and the one thing that stood out was their lack of defensive prowess AND their tendency to play overly aggressive which simply leads the opponent to fall.
STM, tsk, tsk, tsk. So young and selective :<) Australia played fantastic football. I was pulling for them. It was a tough way to lose. However, recall that Materazzi was shown an undeserved red card which gave the Aussie's an advantage for over an hour. They could have played that game into a replay and they still wouldn't have scored. If Germany or France (they didn't) couldn't score, Australia wasn't going to do it.
As for the penalty itself. Give me a break. The referee HAD NO CHOICE. You have one guy barrelling off the flank cutting in and you have a defender coming in off an angle at top speed slide tackling. I could see how most players would lose balance or even choose to fall. Grosso is not known as a diver in Italy. What did you expect was going to happen? That was naive defending by Lucas Neil - and for the record I noticed Neil was giving away penalties in the Premiership for similar poor tackling decisions. Isn't that defense 101 try not to slide ttackle in the box in critical moments in the game? That's how my coaches taught my defense team mates. It's a 50/50 thing at that point.
The outcry was more for the timing of the whole thing. Shitty, but what can you do? Welcome to world football, Australia. Get in the grievance line: it's very long.
Best team won the tournament. Hands down. There isn't a soccer magazine I have read from seven countries that have stipulated otherwise.
What to say about Zidane? After the game the French public relations machine went into high gear. I called my cousins in France to get a feel of the story and man were the excuses flying. At least my family saw it objectively. They weren't impressed. Then again, they're conservatives. Only liberals come up with nonsense ;<)
First off, Malouda dove in the box. Just wanted to say this. The French claimed that the Italians were chirping away with racist remarks - blah, blah, blah. They made all sorts of accusations that proved to be false following FIFA's investigation. Interestingly, this edition of the Italian team was made up of total class players who don't do much talking - except for Materazzi. And the French knew this. Zidane is very close friends with a few of them including Buffon.
What Materazzi said may have crossed the line of good tatse (something about Zidane's sister) but it hardly earned the right to give a headbutt. Zidane cracked. He messed up and he embarrassed France. We shouldn't make excuses for him. After all, he was prone to this sort of thing as any good Juventus fans would know. No one was surprised he did this. But they were stunned.
France Football (as most reputable French magazines) were not buying into any of it. To their credit, they pit the blame squarely on Zidane. In fact, their analysis of the game was closer to mine and it's not what most people saw. But that's another story.
And now I will say something that will really freak people out: Zidane is slightly over rated. I love him as a player and feel that his skills are under stated but he is not one of the all-time greats. When Zidane was young and playing at Juventus the French were not fond of him. Suddenly, he played that monster game in 1998 and he was a genius and was revered. His career was very much up and down. He makes a top 100 list but top 10? At least he's superiour to Beckham. Michel Platini was greater from France.
Look forward to your thoughts. I'm sure STM will have some.:<)
6 - Matthew T. Sussman
"Theatrics are simply frowned upon in North America. Can you imagine a hockey, basketball, football, or baseball player engaging in it?"
I know, imagine if two Brazilian basketball players played in the NBA Finals and pretended that they were fouohhhhhh I see what you're saying.
7 - STM
Easy answer to all of this, play rugby you North American nancy boys.
8 - STM
Almost forgot: heartfelt commiserations to all of you on the sad anniversary of your dreadful mistake in breaking away from the British Empire.
9 - alessandro Nicolo
STM,
Is Canada still part of the empire?
I forget.
10 - STM
Yes, Al ... you're still safe for now. Despite the mistake of choosing a flag without a union jack in the corner, if you still have a G-G, you are still part of the Empah!
And a bloody good thing too.
11 - STM
Actually Al, in relation to the Italy-Australia game, it probably did soccer a world of good in Australia, as previously it was regarded as a bit of a snore-a-thon. The World Cup kindled some interest here, especially as Aussies love a winner, but the big problem the game has is that it can't compete with the two rugby codes, which are the main games on the east coast and part of the west coast, and Australian football (the abomination), which is mostly played in the southern and western states.
They changed the name to football, but everyone except our British/european/south american/middle-eastern migrant communities still calls it soccer.
It becomes confusing here, because rugby and rugby league are known as "football", as is Australian Rules. Which means you now have four sports all calling themselves football.
Thank God cricket is the main summer sport. No confusion there ...
12 - alessandro Nicolo
Oh dear. On one side we're a branch plant of the USA and on the other we're British and then there's Quebec.
Yeesh.
So confused.
Canada: So far from God yet so close to the USA, Britain and for some reason Quebec.
What the hell is Canada?
By the way, I apologize for my above ramblings. Can you tell I did radio work? The whole tournament for every team remains vivid to me.
13 - alessandro Nicolo
FIFA has done little to nurture Australia. They have no competition in Oceania. I wil say this about the Aussie's: despite the odds and despite playing old style Engish soccer, they still managed to produce solid players who play in Europe. Bresciano and Grella play in Italy and Viduka and Kewel (who really is a jewel) play in England. All are starters. Kalac is backup at AC Milan which is not bad.
That impresses me.
Canada has all the advantages at its feet. It plays in CONCACAF which has pretty decent competition and they have all this access to the US and its leagues. Yet....corruption and incompetence at the CSA (what else is new in Canada) squandered all this.
Canada should be on par with the USA. There is no excuse for it to be otherwise.
14 - alessandro Nicolo
For the record, the attendance for the FIFA U-20 has been through the roof. Even FIFA is freaking out. To the point they will help the hapless Canadians develop players more.
Organizers expected 500 000 in total att. It will double and go past 1 million.
Soccer is ENORMOUSLY popular in North America. It just isn't given a chance and they haven't got the recipe down.
Remember: in the 1960s football past baseball in terms of popularity. NO ONE EVER THOUGHT THAT COULD HAPPEN. Let alone with baseball.
So with soccer - you never know.
That's why I'm disappointed with the USA. I want them to do much better for the exposure. If the USA were to go deep in the Copa America or a World Cup it owuld do wonders in attracting fans. The Americans are strong - good ball movement - but they are not quite there yet.
15 - STM
"Oh dear. On one side we're a branch plant of the USA and on the other we're British and then there's Quebec."
Pick the odd one out ... it weouldn't surprise if the duplicitous French finally split Canada 200-odd years after they couldn't. Which would be a shame, as they would be the real losers in this modern era.
I know you're an Amerophile, Alesasandro, and there'd be much to be gained for all concerned if Canada and the US were to join in some kind of political union.
Give it another 200 years and we'll all be part of a federation of English-speaking nations.
16 - alessandro Nicolo
Amerophile? Is it that obvious? Let me fix that. Go home Yankee bastards. I love Canada and the idea of it but... I used to be a fervent Canadian nationalist. Then I grew up. This country is not realizing it's full potential and it has accepted mediocrity a little to easily. We never gave the country a chance. Besides, the country is run by 10 parochial provincial leaders. It's tough to get things efficiently done here in the best interest of the entire country.
As for political union, that's a wild notion that's been thrown around - more so now and more so in Canada.
On the one hand, Canada and the USA are very different. If we could exchange the positives of each side we'd be better nations. Instead, we import the worse of our crap.
Republicans are fearful that Canada would become one gigantic democratic state. Not necessarily. Western Canada would lean Republican. Quebec would flip flop as they really don't have any allegiance (not even to themselves) but they do have strong conservative roots. The Atlantic provinces are also not a given since they do vote conservative.
Now of course, what's a conservative in Canada is not the same as one in the U.S. but a classic conservative is a classic conservative and if the Republicans could appeal on that front to Canadians they would get votes.
This is not Canuckistan. The Liberals were knuckleheads that's why we were given that moniker.
As a whole, Canada is a more moderate society. But as it stands there's too much of a reliance on the public sector and that has to change.
Not to a realist all this is moot: Canada is already in a de facto union with the U.S given our semi-diversified branch plant economy with no military. We do have an independent foreign policy but defining sovereignty in Canada is increasingly blurred. Thank God we have a Parliamentary tradition or else there'd be no way to distinguish the two except for literature and hockey players.
How did we end up here?
17 - alessandro Nicolo
Oh and I forgot to mention that the wealthiest and most populous province Ontario would be the main battleground for the soul votes. A Michigan or Ohio of sorts. A Florida, New York, or California.
But according to Dave Nalle there is no NAU in the works so we can all sleep easily. Though I sent him a link to the August Review an dhe never got back to me on that one and I don't think he browses around the sports area - at least he doesn't comment. Nor does MR - but I'm thankful for that.
I digress.
18 - Paotie
Frankly, I loathe men's soccer. Women's soccer is more entertaining because there's always the possibility that a woman might chuck her shirt after scoring a goal. Now THAT'S a great reason to watch women's soccer (sorry feminists.)
I'm American. I admit I need instant-gratification. I want to see blood. I want to see people whacked on the head deliberately and immediately.
Perhaps this is why MMA is so popular now, especially in the US. Nothing like seeing an idiot spout off his head about his opponent and then being knocked out silly the next instant.
But futbol? I dunno. All that running makes me tired.
There is ONE thing that I like about Spanish channels carrying futbol: Univision once broadcast a game, and my buddies and I, drinking heavily, were desperate for a game to watch and somebody clicked on to the Univision channel. Not less than 5 seconds later, came the famous word - in closed captioning:
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAALLL!!
We were in stiches laughing. That was a great day.
Sorry, lads. Us Americans are too simple-minded for the complexities of futbol. I'd go to a game to watch drunking louts stage riots but not for much else.
Unless we're at a women's futbol game.
Paotie
19 - Christopher Rose
All this pretending to be hurt is a plague in the modern game and it's time that referees took a firmer hand.
It's not yet as common in the English football leagues as it is in some of the more theatrical countries and the refs there are doing their best not to be suckered.
20 - alessandro Nicolo
CR, it's true the EPL as a whole is spared - except for certain culprits. I still think you see more of it in Serie A because of the relentless tight marking and clipping which you don't see in other leagues.
Good signing by Liverpool going after Torres.
21 - Christopher Rose
There is also a cultural dimension Alessandro. The stiff upper lip Brits just think it's girly to act that way whereas there is a different perception in southern Europe...
22 - alessandro Nicolo
Paotie, first of all - how do you pronounce your name? I keep giving it a French accent.
Interesting take. But I don't think a society that loves baseball and football are simple-minded. Soccer is complex on a social level. Sure there are subtle tactical strategies but overall other than that it's pretty starightforward.
23 - RJ
I love this article, and agree with the author 99%, but...
"Theatrics are simply frowned upon in North America. Can you imagine a hockey, basketball, football, or baseball player engaging in it?"
Er...yes. Basketball players do it all the time. Sure, the fans are disgusted by it, but the players still do it. Phantom fouls are a common theme in NBA playoff controversies.
24 - alessandro Nicolo
Point well taken. I've noticed that in the NBA.
In fact it's been creeping into the NHL too!
By the way, Lidstrom - that's five Norris trophies. And now the Wings have Rafalski. Not a bad defensive unit in Detroit.
25 - RJ
Rafalski is a local boy, too. And relatively young. Nice. :-)