In Sliding Doors, a 1998 romantic comedy that I won’t pretend not to have seen multiple times, Gwyneth Paltrow plays Helen, a London PR exec who gets sacked from her job one day and drags herself home on the tube, arriving just in time to find her live-in boyfriend sexing up another gal. (You can tell it’s a British film because the other woman is a detestable American gorgon.) After the customary post-breakup devastation, Helen dusts herself off, gets a smart new bob in a salon-makeover montage scene, opens a successful business and (but of course) learns to love again. Triumph over adversity, people, with a glossy indie-pop soundtrack to match!
Or at least, that’s one version of what happens. (*cue minor-key string chords*) Using an alternate-reality storytelling device, the film also shows us how things play out if Helen had missed her train home and thus hadn’t caught her man with that good-for-nothing American bitch. Toggling between the two narratives in 10-minute increments, the movie depicts (more entertainingly than I’m making it sound) how apparently trivial turns of fate can have outsize consequences. You can tell which reality you’re watching by whether Paltrow’s wearing a bob. (All right, it’s not Casablanca, but I’m honestly not doing it justice.)
Fans of UCLA basketball are suffering through a little Sliding Doors moment of their own right now, wondering what might have been had recent events unfolded just a bit differently. The anguish, however, has nothing to do with romantic infidelity – relax, Mr. Pitino, this doesn’t concern you – but everything to do with a standardized test. The test in question is the SAT taken by Derrick Rose, by which I mean the SAT taken by a person who wrote “Derrick Rose” on top of the answer sheet but who was almost certainly someone else.
A Rose by Any Other... Eh, Never Mind
As a senior at Simeon Career Academy in Chicago, Rose was the nation’s third-ranked high school hoops prospect. In November 2006, he committed to play at the University of Memphis for noted sleaze-monster John Calipari. There was just one small problem, which became an increasingly large problem as Rose’s senior year drew to a close: he couldn’t get himself academically qualified to play college ball. No, not even at Memphis. That’s what happens when you whiff on the ACT three times out of three attempts.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
I knew something was amiss when Derrick Rose was asked how he did on analogies and said he didn't see any questions on old televisions.
My HS vacated a state championship because of an ineligible rarely used freshman. The guilt was so bad, he transferred away the next year.
Now, Rose was no bench bum, but what difference does it make to him? What punishment does Rose serve? It wasn't entirely his fault, but he was an adult and he enabled it.
2 - James Cauthen
You have to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. It wasn't UCLA that was robbed, it was Texas. Texas, who lost to Memphis in the regional final, had already beaten both UCLA and Kansas that year. So, obviously, had Memphis not cheated Texas would be the National Champions.
Also, Rose was caught cheating way before the NCAA tournament, only Calipari and Memphis decided not to do anything about it. In October of 2007, Memphis was notified of allegations that he cheated on his SAT by the Chicago school system. It is unclear from the NCAA's report whether the NCAA was also notified. Regardless, Calipari disregarded the allegations (they interviewed Rose) and played Rose knowing that the validity of his SAT was in question. It looks like that worked out okay for him.
3 - The Desert Rat
Great article - how long will it take for this nation to wake up to the fact that the NCAA is a)a monopoly that b)serves only to better itself - salaries, etc, and c) uses a system that is just a little better than slave labor.
These "kids" in big time NCAA sports are simply "labor" that aren't being paid a "living wage". In the "major sports" - football, basketball especially - they are being taken advantage of by their schools, their coaches, and the media. And when they get hurt or their playing days are over they are quickly tossed under the bus.
Someone - think it was NE - once proposed created a degree in football. Arguing that like music or engineering where a student is encouraged to practice his chosen field of endeavor at every opportunity - an "athlete" is in fact prohibited from doing so except at the school (and NCAA of course) which would benefit from his/her efforts. And in fact is prohibited from earning almost any kind of wage - thus keeping them as "indentured servants" to the NCAA.
4 - Dexter Fishmore
@Matthew - Yes, the whole affair appears to be a matter of indifference to Rose, who's responded only with a feeble statement along the lines of "I didn't do anything wrong." He's fat-stacking benjamins in the NBA and is beyond the NCAA's jurisdiction, so I doubt any of this is keeping him up at night.
@James - I assume when you say "Texas" you mean Texas-Arlington, the 16th seed that lost to Memphis in the first round. Were it not for Rose's chicanery, they could have become the first 16 seed to win a game in tournament!
@Desert Rat - Good points all. As someone (not I) once put it, big-time college sports are essentially salary-capped pro leagues, with the salary cap set at zero.
5 - El Bicho
Great article. Humorous and insightful, though you failed to cover the biggest impact this chicanery had: March Madness pools.
"So, obviously, had Memphis not cheated Texas would be the National Champions."
Yes, because everyone knows one win against a team ensures all future wins that season, although how would you explain Texas splitting with Oklahoma, OK State, Texas A&M, Baylor, Kansas State this past season?