At the end of those championships, we spring the real surprise: come back after Christmas and we will crown a national champion from one of those regional championships. We can call it the "Boys' Competition Series". (Actually, that's a lousy name; we'll work on it.)
Guess who chooses the two contestants? America! (And "The Computer", natch.)
Of course, it's entirely possible no one we like will still be undefeated. If that happens, we'll bring them back and allow America to vote on them anyway. It'll be easier if they lost early in the year but kept competing so everyone forgets how they lost. We'll have to fiddle with the rules on this one and make sure we never publish all of them on the Internet.
Here's the best part: all these men are game show contestants, so we don't have to pay them a damned thing all year!
I've got market research that shows people will eat up this idea. They'll argue passionately and violently about each little bit of the show and demand we go to a simple bracket tournament, but they'll tune in with huge numbers, especially in the 15-24 age group. (Beer sponsors are all over this.) They'll even show up for an hour of pabulum for the results show that has very little content. Boy, am I glad 'American Idol' couldn't copyright that idea...
Think it over and drop me a line; we've got gold here, Gail. Gold!
Sincerely,
Tuffy
P.S. Are you married to sticking with Goldberg? Joe Buck could be free for this.
P.P.S. In case you don't like this idea, I have another one about men being chased down a mountain road by a fuel tanker; last man standing wins. We'll talk.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Can we have some contestants sit out for the lightning round while others have to compete and possibly get voted off?
...WAITAMINNIT. THIS IS AN ALLEGORY!!
2 - Tuffy
That's right; Jesus is a huge fuel tanker with license plates embedded in His grill, cruising down the mountain to make you pay for your sins until you turn into him and repent.
erm. Ask again later.