Does Rick Majerus Know What He's Doing?

Try a little experiment:

1. Go to the nearest basketball hoop with the following objects: a basketball and a cell phone.
2. Take 20 shots. You may take them from anywhere on the court.
3. If you make 11 of 20 shots, check your cell phone. Have you received a call from Rick Majerus yet?

If not, take solace that you still outscored his St. Louis University Billikens last night. Majerus surely expected some tough nights in his first year as the Billikens head coach, taking over players with dubious basketball credentials ("can identify basketball from one own's posterior", "can recognize own basket from opponent's", "potty-trained", etc.). Still, setting the Division I record for fewest points in a game since the shot clock was instituted probably wasn't on his to-do list.

After the loss, the Billikens still have a 9-6 record, speaking ill of the Atlantic 10 and/or their non-conference schedule. However, that's not much comfort after stockpiling enough bricks to put Lionel Richie's lady friend to shame. (Little known fact: Lionel Richie intended "Brick House", "Dancing on the Ceiling", and "Three Times a Lady" to be part of a home remodeling song cycle.)

Certainly, Majerus has been around long enough to recognize the hidden ball trick isn't terribly effective over an entire contest. Therefore, he looked elsewhere when speaking after the game:

"We have some issues in terms of our offensive proficiency."

"We are a team that has some issues."

"Anyone can look at us and see we don't have height, we don't have depth."

"We have challenges and issues with the makeup of the team."

"I thought we played hard. We didn't always play smart."

"They are trying hard. They are trying. It is a process. The effort is good. If it wasn't I would say it publicly."

To translate, their ability to find the team bus both before and after games is a minor miracle and should be reported to the Vatican post haste. If left to their own devices, the Billikens basketball team would drown in a moist towelette. Sure, their jerseys are on backwards, but they remembered to put them on. They would have scored more than 20, but they'd be out of fingers and toes to track the score with. And so on.

Why does Rick Majerus put himself through the grind of coaching a lowly Saint Louis squad for the next six years at age 59? He made plenty of money as an ESPN analyst and was universally beloved for his work. Why does he lose all that easily ridiculed weight so he can return to work? (By the way, thanks so much for making college basketball viewers have to work that much harder for their cheap humor now, Rick. Thanks so bloody much.)

Article Author: Tuffy

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