Bobby Bowden Needs You! Join Florida State! - Page 2

Multiple choice:
11) What is your major?

a) kinesiology
b) sports management
c) physical education
d) Nelson

12) When someone mentions Tim Tebow, do you...

a) whimper?
b) growl?
c) convert?
d) shrug 'cause that ain't got nothin' to do with my NFL career?

13) What happens when someone offers you cash to "help with expenses, like food and books and a 2006 Lincoln Navigator"?

a) Take the money from the nice old man.
b) Turn it down indignantly.
c) Request the money be laundered through a job as a night watchman at the Florida State Cultural Center (clearly a fake organization)
d) Ask the person offering if they are Josh Peter. (Proof: make him write Yahoo without the exclamation point; employees can't resist their orientation shock training and will write the ! just as sure as Roger Rabbit will add his two bits to "shave and a haircut".)

14) Where the white women at?

a) Holla!
b) Boca Raton
c) Heavens, how crude!
d) Are they at the Rays game with Will Carroll?

15) If you are caught cheating, what will your cover story be?

a) This chain of facts about 19th century Russian literature on my arm are gang tattoos - straight Zhivago, Holmes.
b) The 'academic tutor' was not giving me the answers - it was the ancient Seminole god of essay writing, Madeupto.
c) "Classes"?
d) Ow, I hurt my thing; I can't play anymore. May I please have cash now for going quietly?

16) What's the curfew? When should you be in bed asleep?

a) 9 pm
b) midnight
c) ha ha; funny
d) kickoff against Clemson

17) Can you pass a drug test?

a) Yes.
b) No.
c) Will an academic tutor be available to assist me?
d) Only if Major League Baseball is administering it.

18) What will you do if invited to Nashville for the Music City Bowl?

a) Try to meet the famous math professor that founded the town.
b) Wear my jersey to every bar I can find before the game.
c) Study; I have four months of classes to catch up on. When is the Music City Bowl History test?
d) I can provide a list of seven strip clubs within 10 blocks of the team hotel upon request.

19) How will Florida State deal with the NCAA penalties if you are found ineligible?

a) sober reflection
b) self-reporting and penalties to ward off the NCAA bogeyman
c) make it snow, Miami-style
d) Bobby Bowden considers every flight of stairs a potential death penalty already

20) Do you have the will to win?

a) Yes.
b) YES.
c) #### YES!!!!!!!
d) Do I get a second fleece if we win?

Essay:
Describe in great detail the recruiting visit you theoretically received from Bobby Bowden that encouraged you to attend Florida State. It is required to call him "animated", "colorful", and "persuasive". You will be disqualified if you mention gifts, promises of playing time, or how he trailed off mid-sentence and stared into space for fifteen minutes before his "recruiting assistant" wiped the drool from his face and declared the visit over while rolling him out of your home.

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