I have recently received confidential, exclusive information on par with the stained blue dress revelation.
The Red Sox have won the World Series.
No really, it's true. The mainstream media will probably pick up this story later today, but you can tell all your friends that you heard it here first.
What will happen next, aside from hundreds of drunk "fans" getting arrested for "celebrating" in Boston?
Will dogs and cats live in harmony? Will my children eat all their vegetables? Will a talentless teeny pop tart get caught lip synching on national TV? Will winter in New England be partly sunny and in the mid-70s? Will Tom and Nicole reconcile? Will Martha Stewart win her appeal? Will Bill O'Reilly be exposed as a smarmy sexual harasser? Will my mother stop telling me my hair looks like a "rat's nest"? Will I win another fantasy football game this season? Will archaeologists discover that Hobbits really existed, giving millions of Tolkien geeks hope that Gandolf will be found alive? Will I ever again make it through the night without having to get up to pee? Will I ever have one of those houses that looks like it belongs in a home design magazine? Will the presidential candidates be interviewed about sports on the eve of the election? Will my dog stop licking his pecker and non-existent balls right before he tries to kiss my children on the face?
I mean, come on. What were the chances that the Red Sox would win the World Series? If they can do that, then anything is possible.
[Also posted at Bitch Has *Word*.]
Article comments
1 - bhw
I just read that Curt Schilling's wife's name is Shonda.
Shonda Shilling.
There's no way to say that without sounding like Carol Channing.
2 - Shark
MORE SHOCKS!
Hell is freezing over.
Bush admits he made a mistake in Iraq.
Dick Cheney admits he's gay and had a torrid affair with Ray Cohn.
Anne Coulter finally admits she's actually a guy with a really bad, ineffective drag look.
Elvis returns to the building.
The Pope excommunicates himself and goes to work as a Chippendale dancer.
Bob Dylan changes his name to "Robert Zimmerman" and becomes an orthodox Rabbi.
Michael Jackson has sex with an ADULT -- get this... FEMALE!
-- wait; there's more!
(Thx, bhw!)
3 - bhw
See your post in a little while, Shark.
4 - andy marsh
hat's off to my friends that are Red Sox fans...I hope it doesn't take another 86 years for you to win another one!
5 - curt
andy -
thanx, but no thanx. we don't need your shallow, disingenuous compliment. i just hope it's not another 86 years before your yankees perform another CHOKE like they did this year.
6 - andy marsh
curt...I said my friends...my friends!!!