Dr Dreadful reports once again from China on the second week of the stupendous Games of the XXIXth Olympiad. (OK, not actually from China, but from a cosy table in a Chinese restaurant in rural California, which is the next best thing as the wait staff have all been watching the Olympics 24/7 on a crappy little portable TV in the corner. Oh, come on - you don't actually think I could've found a hotel room in Beijing right now. I mean, seriously.)
Michael Phelps wraps up his final individual event in the pool, squeaking home in the 100m butterfly by 1/100th of a second ahead of Serbia's Milorad Cavic to clinch a Spitz-tying seventh gold medal. In a post-race interview, US swimming coach Eddie Reese reveals that Phelps's stupendous daily calorie intake enabled him to grow just enough extra fingernail at the last moment to reach the wall ahead of his rival.
Ruqaya al-Ghasara of Bahrain wins her women's 200m quarter-final wearing a full-cover body suit and headscarf, protecting her modesty as required by her Muslim faith. Noting that it didn't seem to slow her down any, the Grand Master of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta - regarded by some as the world's smallest state - announces plans by several of his knights to enter the swimming events at the 2012 Games wearing full chain mail and body armor.
Several finals in the sailing competition are postponed due to a lack of wind. British yachting great Ben Ainslie questions the decision to hold the regatta at Qingdao, which is known for its calm conditions. He feels that it is only one of a series of unwise venue choices, among others being the selection of the Mahatma Gandhi Hall of Non-Violence for the boxing event and the siting of the clay pigeon shooting range underneath the final approach path at Beijing Airport.
Jamaica's Usain Bolt obliterates the field to win the men's 100m in 9.69, shattering the world record by a spectacular 3/100ths of a second. Astounded TV pundits speculate as to what kind of time he might have clocked if he hadn't walked the entire race.
A publicity photograph of the Spanish men's basketball team making 'slitty-eyed' gestures causes a global furore. Bearing in mind that there are 40 million Spaniards and 1.3 billion Chinese (including Yao Ming), it is generally agreed that this was probably the worst idea since Julius Caesar thought it might be nice to stroll over to the Senate on this lovely March day to see how everyone was getting on. The photo does, however, win the approval of Britain's Prince Philip.