The heat is getting turned up under Barry Bonds’ butt, while his supplier and brain-damaged Tom Hagen is in jail despite having a high-powered lawyer that no other felonious body builder could attract or afford. Oh and a World Cup postmortem, too.
Barry Bonds. The New York Daily News is reporting that their sources are saying that everyone’s least favorite second place all-time home run hitter in the history of Major League Baseball — Barry “Dick” Bonds — will be indicted shortly. The term of the grand jury charged with uncovering a variety of Bonds’ misdeeds, the least of which include his involvement with the Balco case, is coming to a close and frequently at the end of a grand jury’s term is when prosecutors ask the jury to indict.
In discussing this issue, I’ll bring up the now required phrase “A grand jury can indict a ham sandwich,” that everyone brings up when discussing the potential for Bonds getting indicted.
However, I will dig deeper into this “ham sandwich” comparison in an attempt to point out the very real differences between Bonds and a ham sandwich. First of all, once a ham sandwich is made, it rarely gets bigger. If anything, the longer a ham sandwich is around the SMALLER it gets. In this regard Bonds and a ham sandwich have no common ground, as Bonds has gotten bigger the longer that he’s been around.
Since a ham sandwich cannot speak, a ham sandwich cannot perjure itself. If the above-mentioned included this qualifying term, thus making the statement “A grand jury can indict a ham sandwich that committed perjury,” than this phrase would be applicable to Bonds and the likelihood of the grand jury to issue an indictment.
Also, since a ham sandwich doesn’t have the ability to earn large sums of cash from signing its name on collectible items – cash that can be hidden from the government in order to avoid paying income tax – this saying doesn’t pertain in this instance.
Finally, and a little known fact about ham sandwiches, since ham sandwiches are 100% monogamous and NEVER have mistresses, a ham sandwich would never have a mistress and therefore wouldn’t give her $80,000 so that she could buy a house. And since ham sandwiches don’t have all this extra cash around anyway, you can see how the Bonds/ham sandwich comparison isn’t valid.
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Article comments
1 - Dawn
Damn, that's one long headline!
2 - Jared
Some would say that the current OT rules in the NFL DO lead to field goal kicking contests to determine winners. ;)
Seriously though, I do agree.
And universally loved? Shhh, don't tell the turkey club!
3 - sal m
the nfl OT rules definitely need a little work, but at least teams play the game to get to the point where a field goal can be attempted.
and i didn't mean to imply that people love the ham sandwich at the expense of all other sandwiches, just that it's hard to hate a ham sandwich...
4 - MCH
Prior to the "terrorist" accusation, Matterazzi snuck up behind Zidane and pinched him on the nipple.
Then, according to lip-reading experts, the Italian called Zidane a "liar" and wished "an ugly death to you and your family" on the day the Frenchman's mother had been taken to hospital ill. Matterazzi then said "Go fuck yourself," followed by the head-butt.
To me this incident of antogonism and violence is a microcosm of what's going on in the Middle East. Imagine the good that could come of this ugly episode if both athletes came together and apologized - admitting they were both wrong - internationally for their behavior...
5 - sal m
these guys would have a lot less pent up hostility if they were allowed to use their hands.
6 - Douglas Mays
Sal, I am so glad that others are questioning FIFAs 'penalty kick' ruling. Being a soccer hardcore, I am not into penalty kicks as a deciding factor. Why don't they just do that at the beginning of the match?
Still, the best way to decide a championship ending in tie I have seen is with the British FA Cup back in the late 60s, early 70s. Chelsea vs. Leeds United. Tie, overtime play, tie. What to do? Play the game again the week later. Leeds wins a close one.
Do that now, double the revenue....
7 - Douglas Mays
Oh, and regarding Zidane. I don't care what was allegedly said or done on the field. A real pro does not retaliate violently causing a shift in momentum leading to the team's loss. France could have dumped in a goal before the end of the overtime. Instead they had to hang on and take their chances with the questionable penalty kick format.
If Zidane was that bothered by Matterazzi, he should have taken the ball once in play, channeling his anger into performance energy and just dumped the ball into the goal. Things like that can create unstoppable energy. As a world pro, Zidane should know that.
8 - sal m
there has to be some kind of way to play to a real winner...there's a need for some creativity here.
9 - Christopher Rose
Given that tens if not hundreds of thousands of people are involved in a match of this stature one way or another, how exactly would they all be able to reassemble up to a week later? It's unfortunate but for such a large tournament, there has to be a result on the night.
Douglas, as I've previously remarked, some things are more important than football. Not many I grant you but in this case it may well be justifiable action on Zidane's part. The latest twist is that FIFA are now considering disciplinary action against the Italian player. I hope they ban him!
10 - Douglas Mays
Yeah, it is getting all twisted. Let them figure it out. The politics of it all...
11 - Matthew T. Sussman
I for one loved the head butt, and if that was done more in soccer Americans would want to watch.
And did anyone else appreciate just how awesome that blow to the sternum was? That was textbook.
"I like head butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny ..."
12 - MCH
But was the actual force of the head butt really that powerful, or was there perhaps a little bit of acting on the recipient's part...?
13 - Douglas Mays
Naw, that was a solid hit. It blew Mazzeratti off his feet. The cool thing of it all was the theater of the situation. As if a script was written. I still question the shootout...