I saw a picture of Lindsay Lohan yesterday in this one piece white sun-dressy thing. She looked like someone had propped her cracked out ass up and taken a picture. I could almost hear her whispering…hel..p…mee…
Well it got me to thinking. America has an obsession.
It’s an obsession with looking fit and trim. Sexy if you will.
It’s an obsession that is gravely distorted by the images you see in magazines and on television. These airbrushed beauties you see in magazines are not real. Those pictures are touched up by artists who hide every blemish, roll, or line you have. I’m not saying that these models aren’t naturally beautiful to start. I know they are. But this distorted reality has driven some beautiful people (and some not so) to destroy their bodies. From south beach to the south river more people are getting more cosmetic surgery, going on more body destroying diets, and exercising to the point of exhaustion than ever before. It’s like the media has brainwashed us all into believing that until we have rock hard abs and dress our faces up like a cover girl we are not good enough.
Did you ever see that scary reality TV show The Swan? It was like they made every contestant into the same woman. At the end of the show they would let the victim look into the mirror for the 1st time in months.
“…and now you too are… Swan” it’s f’n crazy. If that was me and I was getting to see myself for the 1st time and I looked exactly the same as the Swan from last weeks episode I would be a little upset. I wouldn’t be crying tears of joy cause I was ‘purdy’ that’s for sure.
Which brings me back to poor Lindsay Lohan. She was a beautiful red headed young woman. She even won the Nickelodeon kid’s choice award or some shit. She also had a great natural figure. But then it happened. She started to get famous.
First came the breast implants (or are they?) Real or fake? you decide.
Then the voices in Lindsey’s head started saying:
“Look at fatty boombalatty Lindsay Lohan”
“She looks (gasp) healthy!?!?
“Stop shoveling food into your ugly botox-less face without committing to throwing it up later tubs”
“Your boobs don’t look as good as Britney’s” and so on…
So Lindsay did what any up and coming young actress out of her right mind would do.
She bleached her hair ghost white, lost fifty pounds from everywhere but her melon head, took the boobs back to the store, and stopped eating anything that resembled food.
Now she looks horrible. She is sickly skinny and looks like the albino version of death. That did manage to land her the staring roll in Herbie Honks for Hooters. Needless to say Herbie and movie goers didn’t honk and the movie went into the shitter.
Hey at least you can still see Skeletor Lohan in all the gossip magazines and on the E! channel.