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So You Still Haven’t Given?

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Okay, you heartless jackass. You’re letting hundreds of thousands of people suffer in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama because donating would be “hard” or “take to much time”. While hundreds of children American children die. While men and women cry themselves to sleep because they have lost everything you sit there at your computer shopping for more gifts for your kids who will forget about them in a week.

While grandparents sit in their wheelchairs and go without their medication you instant message your friends and complain about having to be in line for ten whole minutes at the take out place where you dropped fifty dollars on dinner for two when you could have spent fifteen on a less chemically laden meal if you’d bothered to actually cook for yourself in that show place kitchen of yours. You know, the one you bragged to your friends about the mahogany, walnut, or teak inlay and the imported marble, yes that one.

So here’s a way that’s simple to actually do something usefully with yourself for the first time since you decided not to have more kids.

Pick up your cell phone.

Go into the text message menu.

Create/write a new message.

Leave it blank, but address it to: 2help

Send it.

You’ll get a reply. It will ask if your lazy ass really does want to contribute $5 to the Katrina relief fund. Repl/enter: Yes.


Repeat until you’ve given as much as you spend on mocha vente lattes, pedicures, and overpriced sushi.

These five dollar donations will appear on your next bill. You can quite possibly claim this on your income taxes.

If you can’t figure out the instructions above – ask your child, the one you gave the electronic parental security blanket called a cell phone to to do this for you. Do try and remember not to yell at them for running up the bill.

Those of you who have already given – thank you. I have family down there. They were far enough inland to survive mostly intact but they did lose some friends.

A crosspost from: IWT – come visit.
Ed: JH

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About TheCO

  • I don’t know if calling people heartless jackasses at the outset will inspire them to give. But, hey, it’s worth a try…I guess.

  • RJ

    Yeah, I’m pretty awful at rallying people to donate (just ask Eric, heh…), but I’m certain that the tone of this post is counter-productive to the cause…

  • This post is a /touch/ snarky, but it does state things plainly and provide useful info.

  • So, if I’m too poor to afford a mobile phone, does that mean I’m exempted from contributing to the hurricane relief efforts?

    Maybe I’ll just give blood instead. They still need that, right?

  • Being called a heartless jackass right off the bat always has motivated meto accomplish great things and give my money away…

  • -E

    Because someone hasn’t donated funds doesn’t mean they aren’t helping out in another way. There are also several people out there that simply cannot afford to donate for various reasons. Perhaps people have donated to other worthy causes already this year and their budget for charitable contributions is gone. We can’t assume what others are doing or why.

    Enough people are giving that many of Austin, TX’s shelters aren’t even accepting donations anymore because their warehouses are overflowing and they are overwhelmed with the amount of help.

    Oh, that’s me bringing something nice into this story.

  • phil

    is anything being donated to the stores that were looted and ransacked