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Sith Happens

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Alienware High-Performance Systems

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I should really know better than to post a negative review of a Star Wars film on the internet, yet here I go…

It’s not that I believe Revenge of the Sith is a disaster, or even a dud; I just don’t think that it lives up to all the fanboy hype.

Granted, my Sith experience was tainted by two things:

  1. A trio of fourteen year-olds sitting behind me who gushed so much (and so loudly) over every cinematic twist and turn that they might as well have been masturbating.
  2. A sound bite I heard on the news from somebody exiting the theatre, quoted as saying “it’s totally worth it for the last scene alone”…. Huh? The movie I saw ended with Luke Skywalker’s adopted parents gazing thoughtfully at that double sunrise deal on Tattoine.

In fact, what made the film an ultimately tedious experience for me was the massive checklist of events that had to be covered in order to facilitate the original trilogy of films. Some things, like Anakin Skywalker’s physical transformation into Darth Vader, were quite compelling. Others, like C3PO’s memory being conveniently wiped, were indicative of what I’d call lazy writing.

Of the “new” trilogy I liked Attack of the Clones the most. I hated Jar Jar in The Phantom Menace as much as anyone else, and was saddened that Liam Neeson’s character would ultimately be irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. But episode two had one of my favourite scenes — the assembly of the massive clone army provided equal doses of foreshadowing and mystery… What exactly would make all these good guys change sides, anyway?

That question was answered in Revenge of the Sith, but only adequately. And I say it’s because of bad acting and worse dialogue. Seasoned pros like Natalie Portman and Ewan McGregor managed to rise above it; for Hayden Christensen, not so much. In fact I couldn’t wait for the guy to get his Darth Vader Mask on so I wouldn’t have to endure another wooden expression

In an effort to temper the holy flame war that’s sure to follow in the comments below, I’ll be the first to admit that producing a trilogy of films, redoing them and then going back and producing another trilogy of prequels is an astonishing accomplishment in film-making. All I’m really saying here is that if Mr. Lucas held as much respect for his actors and dialogue as he does his models and effects, his Star Wars films would be that much better.

Maybe something to keep in mind for episodes seven, eight and nine?

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About acurrie

  • http://spaces.msn.com/members/dorksandlosers Tan Hoang

    I almost cried about how bad the movie was.

  • Maya

    Is there another word for “wooden”? Yeah, the prequels were bad, but the critics could stand to take their own advice and be a little less predictable with their wording. There’s as retarded a bandwagon among critics as there is among fans, it seems like.

  • Shark

    “Is there another word for “wooden”?”

    Casper van Diem?

  • http://www.onlineclinic.co.uk Mp

    I agree with the points made about Hayden’s performance and for that matter – Lucas’s efforts on characters not being justified by the acting. My view is that Lucas should have let Irvin Kershner direct as with Empire. Lucas for me is a genius, after all – we wouldnt all be writing all of this if he hadnt dreamt up Star Wars. However, I think with a better director to inject the correct responses from the actors – the circle would truely have been complete.

    At times I cringed at the performances and scripts, was hoping that there would be more of an effort to reward to old skool followers who have lived in exile during the other prequels.

    You drew us out, you created sparks of awe, but sold out to the commercial ploys of the commercial empire rather than letting the force flow..

  • Mark

    Did’nt we see Anikan Burn up and die in molten lava? When this happened I thought, what a great twist, Anikan is not Darth Vadar after all, and someone else porked Anikan’s wife and is the father of Luke. So Where is Darth Vadar? Oh where will he appear? Now i’m really excite and eageraly anticipating the twist. But wait…. suddenly, what the hell…. the chancelor comes in and rescues Anikans Torso and attaches limbs and a black Costume to Anikan. TA DA! It’s Darth Vadar.
    Is this a bad joke or What?

  • http://volksweltbild.blogspot.com Flash Memory

    didn’t the jedi council give special dispensation for Ani to knock Padme up to sire ‘Force-lings’?

    didn’t obi-wan do a midwifery course on light-saber cesarian section?

    weren’t the premonitions Ani had unclear visions of Padme being gang-banged?

    doesn’t Ani’s relationship with Padme consist of unremitting spousal abuse by use of “the force”

    can a nuclear powered electrostaff ace a lightsaber?

    should I migrate to a new franchise now that the Star Wars era of my life is over not counting endless reimaginings and other media installments?

    am I a deeply tired of life?

  • http://bailyb30@yahoo.com Linda

    I felt that I must buy the DVD of Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith, partly because I owned all the others but also in some way because I thought that maybe it would turn into an entirely different movie by the time I brought it home. Unfortunately, the force was not with me.
    I’m also sorry that more people couldn’t see how much this episode sucked! I am so disappointed with Lucas that after all this time he couldn’t see that the true magic of Star Wars was in the story and the characters, not in the number of fight sequences, special effects, and just the right speed of lava!!!!
    I also agree with Andrew here – there was a lot of lazy writing. The only thing I can think of is that George wrote himself into a corner and felt that he had to complete the series as all the previous episodes had already explained. But why,George, WHY???? You sit in the theatre and think why are they even bothering to have it in movie format… it was more like a video game. Check it out….. In the documentary Lucas even admits that in a lot of places in the finished script he just wrote ….”they fight”.
    So here is the movie………Anikan and Obi Wan fly in to rescue the Chancellor..(fight in the air)….inside…(they fight) they get back and Pad Me is preggers….Ani has a bad dream…. some more fights break out…Palpatine tells Ani about the dark side and their magic tricks….Ani tattles on Palpatine to “Daddy” Obi Wan…..fights break out all over with order 66 (which he should have just gone over the top and had it be order 666 and then Obi Wan and Yoda could sit down at the Ouji Board, order an exorcism and been done with the whole thing!)…..lots of fighting …Ani kills younglings because his new Daddy told him to or because he got into a fight about who was the coolest Jedi of them all! Then Pad Me gets her second sentence in the film…marital troubles….Ani slaps Pad Me around and Obi Wan shows up to tell Ani he is going to call Maxine Gray (played by Oprah) of Family and Childrens’ services. O.k. not really …But it would have been less predictable. Ani and Obi Wan work out their problems by visiting the quaint island village of ..uh……..Hell….instead of siding by use of Rock ,Paper ,Scissors…They…guess what?…..you know it, say it all together now ………THEY FIGHT!!!!! Ani ends up a torso and his new Daddy lies to him, like all Evil Fathers must do… and it also gives him reason to get really cranky for about twenty years or so until his kids start in with the incestual kissing. Thank God their Mom wasn’t around to see that! Of course, they had to kill Pad Me or maybe she died because the only choice of Jedi husband potentials left would be slim pickins -a shriveled up toad or a Santa wanna be.
    So, the moral of the story is this, children (who want to grow up to be film makers)don’t take the quick and easy path..like George….it will lead you to the dark side.(and to a lot of pissed off loyal Star Wars fans.)