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Sinners Go to Church, Saints Go to the Beach

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My mom's mother – my grandmother, that is, but when she gets on my nerves she becomes my mom's mom – called me the other day and as usual asked me about my plans for the weekend.

I told her that I planned on going swimming with Mom, Dad, and my family, and she said, "On Sunday?"

"Yes, on Sunday… why do you ask?"

"Sunday is the day God gave us to go worship Him in church."

"Grandma, do not even get me started on that subject, please," I replied, but did she listen? Of course not, because, church fanatic and saint that she is, she adores torturing me by insisting on talking about a subject that she too well knows irritates me.

"And you should take the twins, your goddaughters, to church as well because they must learn these things early on."

"Yeah, yeah, right. Grandma, gotta go now, talk to you later, okay?"

"I'm going to church; at least someone in our family carries on with tradition and faith," she said in that sweet, annoying, and frustrating voice of hers.

"You do that, Grandma, go have fun."

"We pray there, we do not have fun," she cared to explain.

"Bye, Grandma!"

"Bye, dear!" she said and hung up.

Thank God and Jesus and Mary and all the saints that I got away with only five minutes of conversation with Grandma this time. My God, she gets on my nerves big time. And she does it on purpose. Wants to save my soul or something. My soul is fine, thank you very much. I'm not going to hell, because there is no hell. Just like there is no Santa Claus.

Ever since Jessika and Timea, my goddaughters, were christened by me last year in August, Grandma has been watching me like a hawk to see if I intend to take them to church. Yes, we are all Catholics and so are the girls; however as every family has to have a black sheep, ours has one too. Me.

I'm the one who doesn't buy the crap, and also has the guts to say it out loud. No one except me tells Grandma that she is exaggerating just a little bit. Well, that is an understatement. I know she cannot be changed, she was raised this way and will pass away believing in the same stupidities. I do not want to change her, it would take too much energy and time and I'd rather do something else. Some things in life you can change, others you cannot. Period.

However, I will put an end to it all right now, starting with my goddaughters. Yes, I will take them to our lovely Catholic church; after all I love its architecture, its paintings, its statues and all. But that's it. The girls will also visit Orthodox churches and temples and they will learn and experience all the religions and beliefs, and then they will choose which one they want to follow. It will be their decision, based on knowledge, not mine. That's the fair thing to do.

I was raised Catholic, dragged to church, kept still and quiet and forced to listen to what the priest said or read, and let me tell you, if you hear it once, you've heard it enough. I mean, come on, it's the same thing every day, except for Christmas and Easter and other important events when they read other excerpts from the Bible.

One thing I hate about church is the fact that the people there, mostly old people who spent their lives God-knows-how morally and ethically, now suddenly have found God and church and go there every day to "prey," as I like to call it, since they gossip and judge and… well, pretty much that's it. No, my bad: they also act like the most brainwashed creatures here on Earth.

The priest mumbles a few words, then it's their turn, and so on, for an hour or so. Then the saints shake hands with each other and say "May God`s peace be with you." Right, that makes me laugh every time. Peace lasts for two hours or so, because once they are back at home they yell at each other and stab each other in the back – quite literally sometimes, unfortunately.

They also give money to the church or as they call it, "for the education of our future priests." Ha. Educate them so they can become priests and run a church and brainwash other sad individuals in the name of God. Ha. So they can build nice homes, have cars and lots of money. Ha.

The last time I went to church, at the very end of the sermon the priest spoke and the saints listened. He told them to oppose gay rights.

Okay, that is where I draw the line. Was I shocked? Hardly, considering that the Catholic church made people become Catholic in past centuries by force and fear. What about "free will?" Never heard of it, I guess. But no, they know; they are just hypocrites, that's all. All the blood that's been shed in the name of religion, church, faith, and God. Shame on you.

Then they turned to women. Made them stay at home and obey their husbands, gave them no right to education and health. Made women die in childbirth because they opposed contraception and abortion. Hate to break it to you but God doesn't like that, seeing women die. Shame on you.

More recently, they turned to stem cell research. No, no, noooo! So they say. Ha. Why is it bad? It helps find cures for diseases, it is a good thing, and if it is possible then God approves of it, I am sure. He does not want us ill and dead. The Catholic church does. Shame on you.

Now they say ban gay marriages. Hypocrites yet again. First it was racism, then taking women down, then banning science, now banning individuality and human rights. Shame on you.

The only real Pope humanity has had recently was Pope John Paul II. He was destined to become what he became. He helped take down Communism, loved young people, was modern and open-minded in every way possible, loved by the entire world, respected by all of us, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion and so on. He was human. Period. The Pope we have now is just a spooky wannabe, if you ask me. However, he cannot be the same as John Paul II. He is merely a toy in the hands of the people who really run the Church. Sad.

So this Sunday I'm going swimming with my family. Love, family, nature – that is what God is all about. That is my personal legacy to my goddaughters. They will respect humans, human rights, and all religions. Actually I should read to them about Scientology. I like the way they think, just like me in so many ways.

The twins have the right to choose. I am pro-choice in every aspect of my life, especially religion. And I think God likes that.

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About Melinda Zerkula