It’s somewhat ironic that Simon Cowell of American Idol… uh, notoriety, has stated that Bob Dylan’s music “bores him to tears.” Moreover, “…the Bob Dylans of this world would (not) make American Idol a better show.” Cowell went on to say he preferred Kelly Clarkson and that he had “never bought a Dylan record.”
Should we all be devastated by the king of — how shall we put this gently? — mediocre pop that vanishes in a poof when the show ends? As Dylan would say, and I really couldn’t say it better, “The radio makes hideous sounds.” (Disclaimer: not always, certainly, but as a general rule, I don’t see much evidence of a major social change or movement the way Bob Dylan influenced us at any time during his life.)
One cannot take Cowell’s comments regarding Dylan as any serious criticism or something to be considered as other than what they really are beneath the surface – this is just another boring barb and snipe from the ever-so boring pithy and pissy and predictable Simon Cowell who likely just said it to garner publicity for himself and ride on Dylan’s coattails (which is disgusting — shame, shame Simon) .
After all, this is Simon Cowell for heaven’s sake — he who sits with his growingly flabby cheek propped on one elbow and his super-size Coke on the table before him. (How are the endorsements coming along Simon?) Have you made your millions? Certainly you have by now. You have sold your soul, sold yourself to the masses by being a pissed off ex-pat, which is easy because even I can do that as I’m proving right now. How much talent does that take? But then, you never claimed to have talent, did you, Simon, or did you? If you did, boy, would that take balls. But just being a pissed off ex-pat? That part’s easy – I can do that. Simon, you suck. Voila! Show me the money.
Back to this Coke endorsement thing (Is it Coke? Pepsi? Did they make you take a challenge?) — is that feeding you well? And how about other endorsements? Surely there are some. Are you asking yourself yet, "This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife, how did I get here…?"
Well, you dug your own grave, Simon. As Bob might say of you Simon, “People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.” But I doubt very much Cowell would repent. I cannot see Simon Cowell down on his knees, humbling himself for anyone because he’s just too high and mighty for that. He’s a brick house as they say. He likes that song. As I recall, a contestant sang that last season and it seemed to fly pretty well with Simon. Is he a solid brick shithouse himself? Yes, that’s a compliment. He’s solid and strong. A regular rock of Gibraltar. A man who is an island entire of himself… John Donne was wrong. How about that? Simon knows more than not only Bob Dylan, but John Donne as well. He’s an island, Dylan is a poet.
As for Dylan, if a singing ‘poet’ bores you to tears, consider that it's something that Dylan constantly claimed not to be — he never liked being defined. “I define nothing. I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be.”
The thing about Simon Cowell is that he keeps boring us with the same thing from season to season: sure, of course, disagree. You may not like Dylan. Or, you may like American Idol, or you may like both, and frankly, I had no issue with both and found Cowell rather amusing until he made this snipe which is not only boring in and of itself, it’s just plain nasty.
This coming from the man who brings us the same wavering voice, the same songs, the same ‘minxes’ season after season. Ah, what he likes; Nabokov would have a field day. Is this ‘nympholepsy’ as Vladimir might say, or just what turns Cowell on or what he likes to tell us, because that is boring and perhaps we, the viewers, could care less about a judge who has a certain thing for a singer who is a ‘minx,’ so when you talk to me, Simon, about a “singing poet” who bores you, sure, express your opinion – welcome to America, by the way – but let me tell you, you are not only dead wrong in your description and definition of where you so neatly want to fit Dylan and into which social register — which must be frustrating as hell because everybody wants to neatly box and define everybody else for reasons that are beyond me — but remember Simon, that you bore us.
Your recent comments regarding Dylan? Dead boring.
You’re not going to Hollywood. Next…