I have a new business proposition that will revolutionize the water industry, and, at the same time, make you rich enough to retire in eight months! I’m not talking about an eight hour a day, back-breaking construction job. This is a not an office job, an outdoor job, or even one of those failed dot-comers.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and if you can just lend me ten minutes, I’ll show you how you can change your life FOREVER!
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that this is a scam. I assure you, it’s not. This is a water supplement that is guaranteed to taste EXACTY LIKE WATER, and, at the same time, IS ACTUALY DRINKABLE! Let me explain why you need a water supplement, rather than actual water.
As a society, we have been drinking water in the exact same way, generation after generation. Our forefathers and their forefathers had a lifespan of 70 years – sometimes only 40 years, what with all of that disease-infested water that they used to drink.
But now, thanks to a newly discovered creek in Cologne, Germany, there is an all-natural water supplement called “Schindel Wasser,” which is now available to the world. Dr. Vornamen of the University of Cologne explains: “Our bodies must maintain a specific pH level of 7.4. Any pH values less than 6.9 and greater than 7.6 are life threatening, so it is important that we have Schindel Wasser to maintain that essential pH. Ordinary sewer and city water do not do that for us.” (Italics as per verbal emphasis)
I personally guarantee that if you begin to take this all-natural water supplement, you’ll notice that you feel exactly as you normally do – all within one hour of your first dose of Schindel Wasser. And that’s just the beginning …
I know that when Schindel Wasser changes your life – you’ll want your friends and family to be “Schindeled,” just like you have. That’s why we’ve developed a system for the distribution of Dr. Vornamen’s creation. THIS IS NOT A PYRAMID SCHEME!!! It’s called the Schindel Your Neighbor and Friends Octagon program.
Let me explain how the program works: For only $19.95, we’ll send you your first Wasser, Pure Wasser: Schindel Spindle-Pak. Since we encourage our Distributors to become a “product of the Wasser,” we want you to try the supplement yourself. If you’re not completely satisfied, or experience any adverse side-effects or something else*, we will send you an ADDITIONAL Wasser, Pure Wasser: Schindel Spindle-Pak! Nevertheless, whether you’re a “product of the Wasser,” or if you choose to become a “Schindel Loser” and stop taking the supplement, you can still start your own Schindeler franchise! Now, like I said, this isn’t a pyramid scheme. It’s more of an upside-down Octagon. Really. The people at the top are AT THE bottom- and vice-VERSA!!! You can see how important it is to get people to be “Up-Creek” from you! Just sign up four people to be under, rather, OVER you, and they start their dosages of Wasser, Pure Wasser: Schindel Spindle-Pak. Your group of four people (plus yourself), becomes a Shindelsize Enterprize. Once your Shindelsize Enterprize goes “techno-stratosphere” (you all move to Zimbabwe), you become eligible for “Kingdomship.” It is important to note that NOBODY REACHES KINGDOMSHIP. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS. OUR FOUNDER, JONATHAN P. GEEZELHOP ALMOST REACHED KINGDOMSHIP, BUT DIED SHORTLY AFTER GIVING HIS BI-MONTHLY SHINDEL-MEETING DISSERTATION ON THE BENEFITS OF “WASSER, PURE WASSER: THE MOVIE.”
If, for some reason, you do not “go techno-stratosphere,” within two weeks**, we will send you, as a complimentary parting gift, another Wasser, Pure Wasser: Schindel Spindle-Pak! Just return the unused portion of the product, along with a receipt, the box it came in, a burned “Letter of Intent,”*** and a copy of the thirty minute X-Files episode where a murder in a Jewish community leads to the deaths of the killers, forcing Mulder and Scully to determine whether vengeance or larger “forces are at work,” and we’ll send you a 10 percent refund!****
It’s foolproof! It’s easy! It’s free*****! Join today, and we’ll send you your own, miniature version of our Wasser, Pure Wasser: Schindel Spindle-Pak! Start today! Call 1-800-ibs-camd.
* You might die.
** Our thugs will beat you senseless.
*** There is no “Letter of Intent.”
**** Plus restocking fee of ten percent.
***** It’s not free.