What is wrong with all you rockers? Have you all been beaten down by the Britney Spears and Blink 182’s out there? What happened to my “Sex, Drugs, and Rock N’ Roll”? Are we really going to go out like this?
A psychologist at the University of Leiester in England, Adrian North, recently performed a study that tells me rock is dead. He did a survey of 2,500 people to learn about their musical tastes and how it related to their lifestyles. The results scare me. Honestly.
Dr. North found that 38% of hip-hop fans and 29% of dance music people had slept with more than one person during the last five-year period. Only 1.5% of country fans had done the same. Have you seen some country music fans, though?
Fifty percent of the fans of hip-hop and dance were more likely to have broken the law. Wonder why that would be? A culture that celebrates crime has a higher likelihood of criminals. Before you believe that way to obvious connection, the study gets weird.
Twenty-five percent of classical music fans have smoked pot and a 12% subdivision of that group has taken psychedelic mushrooms. I always suspected this genre was the work of the Devil, but I never had proof this clear. If the culture of hip-hop leads to increased sex and crime, then classical music fans cannot be trusted to raise kids because 25% of them are druggies! Considering the “Liar” factor in these studies, that 25% is probably closer to 50%.
Classical music leads to pot and pot is a gateway drug (ha ha), so that would make classical music gateway music. We must ban it if we are to win the war on drugs! Opera must be banned as well because that is the subdivision with the 12% Psilocybin fixation. It probably helps them understand what is going on.
I would bet that most anti-drug crusaders would be so happy if their children listened to some Mozart or a nice aria instead of Nugent or Pink Floyd. They would think their children were safe, unaware of the subliminal confusion being broadcast to them that only a nice hit could clear up.
Me, I blame Walt Disney. I blame that devious bastard and his Fantasia. I mean classical music with hippos dancing with alligators and mice creating insane walking brooms? I almost need a hit just to explain the movie — and we show it to kids.
The lessons of this story are both promising and a good warning. If you want to have grandchildren then you must raise your children on hip-hop. It is called “bootie music” for a reason, after all.
The big lesson is do not let your kids grow up to listen to Beethoven! Any group with more than six members and you are running a risk of raising the next Charles Manson.
And to all you rockers out there…what happened to you? You did not even score high enough to make the article. Sex? Drugs? Rock N’ Roll? I just don’t see it. For shame.Powered by Sidelines