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Send Canadian Parliament to Penalty Box For Slashing Shane Doan

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Be forewarned, this story is one that would make any indifferent apolitical gent – or gal – nervy about the state of political affairs in a country we call Canada. Canada is a Native word that means “group of huts” by the way. You know, in case it matters. It could be a great icebreaker at a party. “Hey, did you know Canada was originally spelled Kanata?” Cana-wha? Kana-who?

Shane Doan. If you’ve never heard of him now you will. Doan is a hockey player for the Phoenix Coyotes who was named captain of Team Canada at the recently concluded World Hockey Championships. His nomination led to a surreal and lamentable showcase of opportunistic and shameful political games in Ottawa, the captain – er, capital – of Canada.

Specifically, a couple of weeks back Mr. Doan was made the focal figure in the Canadian parliament by some very bored politicians. It seems that some took offense to Shane Doan leading our obscure collection of hockey heroes into Moscow.

Let’s backtrack. In 2005, it was alleged that Shane Doan called a French-Canadian linesman (if you’re looking for street cred in Quebec – and I think you are – French-Canadian is also a Quebecois to nationalists) a “fucking Frenchman” or “fucking frog.”

The NHL investigated and discovered that Doan didn’t utter those words, but another player did. It was further admitted that it was a European player, who probably did not understand the implications of those words, was the culprit. In the heat of the battle – to borrow one of those cheesy sports clichés – things get said and done. Let it rest. End of story right?

Nah-ah. Unfortunately, it did not end there. Liberal Party MP Denis Coderre – with little, if any, proof, proceeded to smear Doan’s name demanding an apology to Quebecers among other things. The die had been cast. Doan was public enemy number two in the province that never stops whining and playing the victim card. The gloves were off.

That was 2005, and the story should have ended with Doan cleared and Coderre banished to St. Pierre and Miquelon.

But noooo, the French press kept hammering at the story. In their minds, the damn Anglophones were part of a cover up. The truth must come out! In their minds, they were the purveyors of great journalism. It turned out, Shane Doan had told Curtis Joseph, following a penalty, something to the affect of, “four French refs in Montreal, do the math.”

Evil. Pure racist evil.

For this, Quebec sports writers on the French side feasted like lions on Christians. Then, Parliament ridiculously got involved and this is where everything became stupid.

A number of politicians (the names have been purposely withheld to protect the idiots), got up in Parliament and demanded that Hockey Canada remove Shane Doan as captain of the team. Apparently, in naming him captain they insulted Quebecers and a bunch of other blah, blah, blah’s. They even had an inquiry where they had the nerve to call in Hockey Canada officials who were in Moscow trying to win a tournament. It was a waste of taxpayers money. It was not Canada’s – or Quebec’s – finest moment.

Public health care crisis? Education? Child poverty? Native rights? Afghanistan? Bah, bah, bah, bah and bah. Let’s make a mockery of these important issues by talking about hockey. Can we be any more Canadian?

The irony of course is that the party who instigated this gem – the Bloc Quebecois – is a party bent on destroying Canada yet they have all the privileges as any good Canuck. They will all earn a Federal pension financed by all Canadians. Nice work if you can get it.

So what’s the big deal? He said it, right? Well, the first part he didn’t. The second is hardly one to lose sleep over. We live in an imperfect world. Besides, it’s best to remember: let those without sin cast the first stone. Or people who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Look, I don’t aim to take sides here. Nor is it my intention to dismiss anything remotely racist. Heaven knows the French-English thing has grown tiresome over the years but to take this silly story to Parliament was irresponsible. Cooler heads should have prevailed here.

They tarnished a name. In my world, this is called libel. To every person who attacked this story like a shark attacks a defenseless seal, shame on your pitiful little mind. Hopefully, Doan takes all these people to court. Interestingly, he did sue Denis Coderre. Get this, Coderre counter-sued! Wow, remind me to throw away my Liberal party vote.

Where is Mr. Canoehead when you need him?

Sweet justice did come to Team Canada. Shane Doan did his job as Canada brought home the gold. It turns out he was indeed the best experienced man for the job on a team filled with youngsters – Canada’s youngest team ever. Hockey Canada was there to win; not play politics and pander to pathetic self-serving and intellectually bankrupted politicians and second-rate yellow journalists. Doan did his job. Our leaders did not.

At least Doan can earn his pension without guilt. Too bad we can’t say the same for an army of losers than run amok in Ottawa.

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About Alessandro Nicolo

  • Matthew T. Sussman

    Doan cry for me Nova Scotia
    The truth is you never slurred me

  • Jason “Njiska” Westhaver

    i was under the impression that calling the French “Fucking frogs” was part of our grand Canadian tradions. Just like ever slur they those out when a Soveriegnty debate comes up. Let’s face it, English-Francis tension and back talk is as old as the country itself. Hardly anything to cry over.