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Secret Service Investigates Seventh-Grader for Threats Against Bush

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This according to a report on Breitbart:

The Secret Service is investigating a seventh-grader who wrote a school essay that authorities say advocated violence against President Bush, talk show host Oprah Winfrey and others.

First off, I never knew the Secret Service handled security for Oprah, but then again I didn’t know that the NSA were engaging in widespread, illegal surveillance of US citizens, either, so maybe I don’t know that much.

Was this highly dangerous seventh-grader from Rhode Island distributing a pamphlet containing his bizarre and bloody manifesto? No, he was just doing his homework.

The boy’s homework assignment for English class was to write what he would do on a perfect day. In addition to the president and Winfrey, the boy wrote that violence should be directed at executives of Coca-Cola and Wal-Mart, police and school officials said.

Did he say that violence should be directed at these people, or that he was going do the job himself? I never knew that wishing karmic or divine justice on people was a federal crime. If it is, why isn’t Pat Robertson in leg-irons right now?

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that the Secret Service has trouble telling the difference between fantasy and reality. Just because you daydream about offing Oprah Winfrey (and, come on, who hasn’t done that?), that doesn’t mean you’re actually going to do it (unless you get a clear shot, that is).[ADBLOCKHERE]

The real question is, how did this essay come to the attention of the Secret Service? What hypersensitive, over-protective ninny at the West Warwick middle school passed an English essay along to the authorities? Was the kid also wearing a black trench coat? If he was wearing a black trench coat and liked Marilyn Manson, then I’d understand. Creativity and imagination have their limits, after all. There are certain things that just should not be expressed in a creative writing assignment. These things are best left bottled up inside where they can mutate into actual homicidal tendencies. What do you think high school is for?

Now, the kid didn’t get arrested because what he wrote (the text has not been released) didn’t amount to a concrete threat against the president. He has been barred from school, however, “but as a mental health rather than disciplinary precaution.” Fantastic! That’ll teach him not to harbor animosity toward authority figures. Apparently wishing violence upon people means you’re crazy. And here I just thought that was the American way.

Originally published as Asininity Goes to Middle School.

(parenthetical remarks)

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  • Robert

    My first thought was, he had to have heard or learned these reponses somewhere. I am sure that a 7th grader could not have thought of these ideas that would warrant the Secret Service to get involved, by himself. I would say to also look at the parents of this child…..

    Where do children get their ideas, from family, friends and media? I think that the Secret Service is justified, no matter what the age, situation and the school did their part as well. What ever happened to accountability?

  • Matt Paprocki

    It’s the video games fault. It’s always the video games fault. I’ll just wait for the follow up that says they found” violent video games” in his house.

    Then I can really laugh at their stupidity.

  • http://www.fifthdentist.blogspot.com The Fifth Dentist

    Glad to hear the secret service has so much extra manpower. We finally know whose budget to cut to pay for the war.

  • http://ameripundit.com/ AmeriPundit

    My first thought was, he had to have heard or learned these reponses somewhere. I am sure that a 7th grader could not have thought of these ideas that would warrant the Secret Service to get involved, by himself. I would say to also look at the parents of this child…..

    Where do children get their ideas, from family, friends and media? I think that the Secret Service is justified, no matter what the age, situation and the school did their part as well. What ever happened to accountability?

    Robert must be listened to. After all, “where do children get their ideas”?. This kid could grow up to be another Thomas Paine, Ben Franklin, George Washington or some other weirdo who doesn’t like oppression from afar.

    It should be noted that Robert also pointed out that he was sure that a “7th grader could not have thought of these ideas” because it’s obvious to those that live in glass houses that both “other” adults and “other” children don’t know how to dissent.

    Furthermore, everyone knows that brains don’t really develop until the age of being able to join the “oppressive class” (only if you’re “white” and a few other criteria).

    That must mean that the “7th grader” and his parents are alien forms intent on destroying “our way of life”, namely, obsequiousness.

    As “alien forms” they should be destroyed, or at the very least, incarcerated. That way, we could resume our norm of “scaridness”.