That quote - you could've given us help, but you've given us so much more - actually comes from the mouth of Bill Murray's character in Quick Change (one of the all-time underrated comedies) to a magnificently and contentedly unhelpful New York City taxi driver.
It could easily however have come from Topix CEO Rich Skrenta to the monolith that is Google. A Wall Street Journal piece details Skrenta's and Topix' frustration with Google over the company's change from a .net domain to the more popular .com. That change, on top of costing Topix $1 million in acquisition fees, may end up costing a lot more due to lost search engine traffic, the lion's share of which stems from Google.
It's painfully hilarious that the CEO of Topix, a pretty large and well known web company that reportedly receives 10 million visitors a month, received the following advice at a time when it could potentially lose millions of search-based visits: "…an email recommending that, if the switchover were to go badly, the company should post a message on an online user-support forum; a Google engineer might come along to help out."
Skrenta very rightly responded with, "'This can't be the process… You're cast into this amusing, Kafkaesque world to run your business.'"
A host of web publishers shares Skrenta's pain. Breaking through the layer of automated responses when attempting to contact Google is a Tolkien-esque quest that many have attempted and few have succeeded at. Because Google so tightly guards the nature of its search algorithm and system of "page ranking" web pages, it very rarely will dole out specific information about why a particular website moves up or down its search rankings.
Small variations in page rank can have an enormous effect on placement in Google's search rankings and effectively cause thousands or even millions of visitors to show up at a website. Or, in the case of the new Topix.com, potentially not.
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Article comments
1 - Phillip Winn
I'm actually really confused. A simple 301 redirect should ensure that all Google-juice transfers to the new domain. Any reports I've seen from people complaining that weird things happened seemed to be from people who didn't understand HTTP redirects, or had something else wrong.
I feel the severe pain of Google's apparent arbitrariness, believe me, but it does kind of seem like Topix *might* just be using this for free PR.
Why didn't I think of that? ;-)
2 - Eric Berlin
Do you think that the Topix CEO would really tempt the (Google) Gods by throwing around terms like "Kafkaesque" in the media? I would think that would be the last PR things that you'd want to do!
But you're right -- it does seem as though changing the URL shouldn't be such a huge deal from the search side. Could the fact that it's a change from a .net to a .com be the cause of the fuss?
3 - kaye
#1 kids are not interested in Viacom produced garbage -they prefer novelty and originality - clearly not Viacoms strengths
#2 YouTube viewers are not going to upload a 30 second snippet commercial and SO WE MUST ASK WHO IS ACTUALLY UPLOADING VIACOM CRAP ONTO YOUTUBE IN THE FIRST PLACE- COULD IT BE VIACOM ITSELF?
#3 who is actually loading these Viacom owned snippets onto YouTube in the first place - Viacom iself?
#4 since I don't believe Viacom garbage really interests kids in the first place, what % of overall hits are going to this Viacom owned garbage? I suspect it is actually a very small %.
4 - Eric Berlin
Thanks kaye, but I think you meant to post this comment to the other Google (and YouTube) story I wrote today (smiles).
Even a reltively small percentage of illegal uploading and page views could result in a massive lawsuit, and in fact now has. I'm doubtful that Viacom would flood youtube with its own content for some nefarious purpose, but I've no doubt that they're looking for an advantageous deal to expand their digital offerings.
5 - Michael Karesh
With my own site I've done very little to court Google traffic, because I don't want to be dependent on it.
I've got to think that in the long-term there will be a search engine that works without the entire universe having to continuously adapt to it.
6 - Eric Berlin
Unfortunately, I think many publishers are dependent on Google whether they like it or not.
I think what you're talking about is a post-Google world, which doesn't look like it will be happening anytime soon. But who knows, things change quickly!
7 - Evan
topix is terrible
8 - Evan
and i need a moderator got removed from topix what a miracle nomore torments from Hey You Tommy the Cat Toad with a Narrow Mouth Courtney L or the Spaceman it all ended yesterday
9 - Lucy
I agree Topix is the worst site on the internet. What started out as a news site now is nothing more than a hate site where people under user names can go in and trash another person. It is disgusting beyond belief.
10 - Evan
hello Lucy you hate topix too wow so um can you help me to get it shut down .
11 - Evan
Lucy you still here
12 - Evan
hey Lucy have you gone away
13 - Evan
if so im out of here this place is deserted
14 - Evan
and i just thought of a great idea if i cant shut topix down ill just block it from being on my computer
15 - No More Cyberbullying
Topix started off with generally the right idea and quickly turned into a haven for cyberbullying. It has managed to run off most good users and now is filled with trolls who sickly gain pleasure in destroying others. The lack of registration and moderation has ruined that company. I think people are beginning to realize the damage Topix does and there is now even a site dedicated to their business ethics.