In the dream, I was hanging out one morning at his place in Canada, and there was something to do with a pot-plant and his sister, who was very attractive. I don't know if he had a sister. I don't know if he pot-plants.
And also, I was trying to keep him out of sight of my then fiancée, since in waking life she was fond of him, too. Just the couple messages he had left for me along the lines of "I suspect she's too good for you, ya bastard!" and so on. She dug him. "Do you still talk to that Jim fella?" she asked plenty times.
When folks aren't there physically, it feels odd to form any sort of connection with them. Any sort of real friendship. But it happens. It's happened a lot. There are folks on Blogcritics and elsewhere that I think I would go about describing as Friends, as opposed to folks I know from off some website or other.
Jim was one of them. I knew next to nothing about him, I never talked to him in words that weren't misspelled and hastily typed, I never laid eyes on him in my life. But I dug seeing his email address in the inbox. What demented shit has he got for to yack about now, I'd be thinking.
Who knows what foul, foul thoughts he was thinking recently.
Part of me still assumes this is a joke of some kind, like Jim saw Pauly Shore Is Dead or something and figured he'd give it a try, the old "faking ones death". I don't imagine I'd be pissed off if that were the case. How could I be?
We had yacks about Nick Cave and Shane MacGowan. About Billy Bragg and Penelope Spheeris. He convinced me to see Napoleon Dynamite and I convinced him to see Nathan Barley. I dunno who got the better deal. I think we both lucked out that night.
Every Friday night I sit down to catch Playing It Straight, my favorite trashy reality TV show, and The Jonathan Ross Show. Tonight Oasis were playing Lyla on the latter. It just washed over my fuckin eyes, man, like everything else i tried watching. I explained this curious phenomenon to another friend, another friend who I met via the web-net, although I think I'd be a bit beyond gutted if it remained one of your virtual things. But no matter. She said probably it's cause I'm numb. That's what it is.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - DrPat
I didn't know much about Jim except his rants on what he perceived of Americans, and his insistent reminders to us here in the US that there was more to the world than, well, US.
I talk occasionally with one of the publishing promoters, and she mentioned that an extra copy of a book that I had received by accident was supposed to go to Jim instead. That was two weeks ago.
How freaky are these intense connections that have no physical substance to them, only words and ideas that clash or combine in the night.
I hope it is a joke, the latest idiot idea to emerge on BlogCritics. Because otherwise, it means that Jim is gone.
2 - swingingpuss
Jim was a person of sharp intellect. It is regrettable when a person who has so much to offer exists and leaves us feeling deprived of their vitality.
3 - Matt
I'm not sure when his death occurred, but this post on his site perhaps provides some insight. It appears that Hunter Thompson's death affected him lots.
HST Death
4 - Matt
This link may work better:
Link
5 - SFC SKI
That is truly sad news. Jim drove me crazy, but he did make me laugh at times, and his musical taste was definitely in line with mine.
6 - Dave Nalle
In looking over his site I found only this under 'Ramblings':
"Our 2005 resonation is to accept we've fucked up our lives, and need to go for a walk."
Ominous, I think.
My time on BC only overlapped with his for a matter of a couple of months and I'm pretty sure that we didn't agree on a single thing, but he had opinions and expressed them well, and despite his strange hatred for all things US, he kept his attacks generally mature and consistent, and that deserves some respect.
I also note from his blog that his posting frequency seemed to decline starting in January and culminating with HST's death. I think for some of us blogging out words is a way to expiate our sins and clear our minds. It's as if in the end, words failed him.
Dave
7 - HW Saxton
I was wondering what had happened to Jim
Carruthers.I'll go away for a few months
then come back and the blogscape will be
different. So many posters have come and
gone.Then came back again to vanish and
never be heard from. Do you have anyway
to confirm your suspicions Duke? I don't
want to express my honest opinion of him
because it does not matter either way.
I do hope he's better off whatever he is
doing or wherever he may have went to.
8 - Eric Berlin
Duke - You've always impressed me with your ability to express yourself in a clear and honest and colorful way. So you shouldn't ever feel stupid, but proud only.
I feel as though one of the reasons people hang about in these virtual group blog type things such as BC is because we have a desire to form communities in an increasingly scattered and transient world. To find a "home," even if it's a virtual one, from home or at a hotel with Internet access in Capetown or wherever, is what people are looking for I think. To cheesily rely on Cheers, where everyone knows your name.
Anyway, I don't really know where I'm going with this, but it's always sad to lose a member of a community in which you've found something of a home.
Jim generally pissed me off during my brief time of interacting with him, but he was undoubtedly a Force of Nature teeming with ideas and opinions and piss and vinegar.
To see someone like that, or anyone really, voluntarily check out of the world -- and I can't help loving the Brit term "snuff it" here in its succinctness and allusions to light blowing out and its sort of stuffy charm all at once -- is sad, super sad, incomprehensibly wretched and sad.
9 - Temple Stark
>>I knew next to nothing about him, I never talked to him in words that weren't misspelled and hastily typed, I never laid eyes on him in my life.
Waxing well with this and the rest my friend.
10 - The Theory
sad. Jim Carruthers is one of those names that is irrevocably connected with blogcritics in my mind. he will definitely be missed.
11 - Mark Saleski
very well said duke.
i'm very sad today.
hell, it's rainin' outside and it's cold & stuff...but hell, it's spring and (despite a new englander's penchant for bitching about the weather) the air's fresh and things are coming around.
just not jim.
at least for a while, all those pretty flower and crap will seem just a bit duller.
12 - Eric Olsen
After Mark Saleski sent over the link from Jim's site yesterday, I felt sick. Twice I sat down and began a post and twice my Internet connection went out just as I was hitting "save" - very creepy.
Jim was with us on Blogcritics from the beginning, and, has been stated amply, he could be a snide pain in the ass, but he cared, likely too deeply, and his cynicism couldn't always hide this truth.
He was very sharp and knowledgeable, and he helped me behind the scenes on several aspects of the site, especially early on when I needed it most, and his "off-air" persona was eager to please and gentle.
I know he was lonely and bitter and principled - a very dangerous combination, that apparently played itself out for the worst over the last few months. Loneliness is a killer left untreated.
Jim will be remembered and he will be missed and I feel very sad and unmoored today.
I'm glad my two attempts at posting about Jim didn't go through yesterday because Duke's tribute is the way it should be.
13 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
hi folks. thanks for the kind words, and thanks more for sharin a thought or two on Mr Carruthers. I dunno that i wanna add anything, except that my thoughts are with his friends and family.
Eric O, you're spot-on about the "off-air" personality. Away from the public banter, there was most certainly a desire to help as best could. he suggested one time that i should amend the DVD listings column to have a bit where folks can send copies of the things i said i haven't seen. heh. obviously, the act of doing so would offend me no end, but Jim just thought it horrid that i hadn't seen some tv show or some such yet. so he sent illegal torrents. much appreciated.
and my posting this totally coincided with the MT problems last night.
i hope he's happy.
14 - Shark
Breaks my heart. I loved Jim, although I never spoke w/him beyong the BC message boards. He was brilliant, hilarious, acerbic, and as someone else mentioned -- a constant reminder that the world beyond our shores might just perceive us (americans) a tiny bit differently than we perceive ourselves. We can use a little national humility thanks to the eyes (and words) of sensitive, articulate "foreigners."
Jim had more intellectual and incredibly obscure cultural references than anyone I've ever read; he was obviously a walking encyclopedia of culture, music, film, and literature.
There were often references he alluded to that I felt sure I was the ONLY possible person to 'get' -- ahahah -- and I know he caught many of my more obtuse little gems.
Sometimes, he was definitely Bill Hicks meets Hunter S. Thompson meets James Joyce.
I loved the guy, and I just loved knowing that there were people out there like him.
Ditto for the likes of the Duke, Saleski, Saxton, Alienboy, BigTimePatriot, HalPawluk, and many more that I can't remember at the moment.
Believe it or not, the world was a better place with Jim Carruthers around.
15 - bhw
Jim had more intellectual and incredibly obscure cultural references than anyone I've ever read; he was obviously a walking encyclopedia of culture, music, film, and literature.
You hit the nail on the head. I often found myself googling something after reading one of Jim's comments.
Even though his comments sometimes revealed an unhappy guy, his off-site posts didn't have the same tone, and his e-mails to the Yahoo group usually ended with "Cheers, Jim."
16 - Shark
bhw, you shoulda been on my 'the likes of' list. Sorry for the lapse.
xxoo
S
17 - Triniman
Go here to see the index of Jim's 458 articles and 2842 comments for Blogcritics.
http://blogcritics.org/author.php?author=Jim%20Carruthers
18 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
thanks triniman, i was tryin to find such a thing to put in the body of the post, but couldn't find it anyplace.
could someone put the link in the post, at the top or bottom?
19 - Shark
Jim Carruthers' Blogcritics Oeuvre
20 - mose
First I want to thank Eric for the great chat we had yesterday. Appreciate it. I also appreciate the kind words all have posted.
Just a couple of words about Jim - he was my friend. He worked with me a couple of times, we went out a bunch and yakked quite a bit. I knew him well enough. I did not obviously know him well enough to step in and intervene in his suicide. I just did not know things were that bad. I will be sorry about that for a long, long time. He was a terribly private person and I respected his privacy for the 18 or so years I knew him. He in turn respected mine.
My point of writing is to add a small bit of detail to this name you guys know. Jim was a complex, brilliant and truly kind person. He was also abrupt, brusk, did not suffer fools easily . Just not a people person. But in all my dealings with him I never saw him hurt anyone. I never had to ask Jim twice for stuff. He was dilligent and prompt. Unfortunately he had demons - as do we all - that I guess won in the end.
In my years of being in this online world I have never met anyone who had a firmer grasp on the interactive concept. he was truly ahead of his time. Jim was a very knowledgeable person beyond the online world - extremely well educated and well read. And one of those guys that you would love to have on your side in a bar fight. He was a geek. Probably what you would call an Ubergeek. But that notwithstanding he was a caring, involved, evolved socially responsible person. Unfortunately his chosen lifestyle left him on the outside. Not in a bad way - he was not a drinker, not a druggie - he was an intellectual who was outside of the norm. No doubt a tough life.
I have never and will probably never meet anyone else in my life as unique and as pure as Jim. He was the type of person you could count on. He was the type of person you felt proud to call a friend.
I will miss Jim terribly.
PS - If I hear anymore details I will let ya know.
Cheers
Mose
21 - Temple Stark
Thank you Mose
22 - Steve S
RIP Jim, I wondered where you had gone to, the last few months. I will miss your wit, your passion for your causes and your humor.
23 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
mose, thank you for adding to this. i dunno whether to welcome the closure on the situation, or, y'know...
i had a dream last night that Jim commented on this! and i was scrambling round blogcritics seeing why no-one was shocked at his comments.
crazy times.
24 - JR
Damn. This is what I was most afraid of.
I've definitely missed Carruthers. I was hoping he'd done something really cool like get himself banned from the internet. Or offed somebody using the salmon mousse. Or at least just taken a vacation.
I seem to recall he once posted or linked to a picture of himself taken in NYC back in the eighties. Can't remember what thread that was on.
I'll think of him and be a little sad everytime Slapshot comes on the teevee.
25 - Eric Olsen
thanks Mose, very much enjoyed our talk, too, although the circumstances are as bleak as it gets, of course.
I remember that pic too, JR, please let us know if anyone runs across it.
this hurts deeply