Any of this sound familiar? "if only things were different" or "if/when we are together" or "you are my soulmate" or "it scares me how I feel about you" or "I know we were together in another life" or "if only I'd met you years ago" or "I can't wait to see you" or "we are going to have such a good time when we get together" or "thank goodness I finally met someone who likes _____ also. This will be a blast!" or "I have to thank God for making someone as perfect for me as you, now I don't feel so alone!"
15-Isolate the Victim
An isolated person is weak. By slowly isolating your victims, you make them more vulnerable to your influence. Their isolation may be psychological: by filling their field of vision through the pleasurable attention you pay them, you crowd out everything else in their mind. They see and think only of you. The isolation may also be physical: you take them away from their normal milieu, friends, family, home. Give them the sense of being marginalized, in limbo-they are leaving one world behind and entering another. Once isolated like this, they have no outside support, and in their confusion they are easily lead astray. Lure the seduced into your lair, where nothing is familiar.
Online relationships are already like this. Other articles on online relationship confirm the mental states reached when one is online. Trance or dissociative states. Also, being online gives a person bravery they might not have in person.
Did they tell you to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret? Or not to tell or talk to someone you both know or people you both see in chat rooms? Or to not tell other chat friends about your "special" relationship? Do they ask when your spouse or partner is gone or asleep? Do they discourage you when you say you are going out to do XYZ that it might not be 'good' for you? Or that reading certain books or sites might not be the best option? Are they narrowing your field of vision? Do you feel that you & they have something 'sacred' you dare not 'contaminate' by telling others about it? Does that sound NORMAL to you? The minute they tell you not to talk to someone? Make it your business to talk to the FORBIDDEN person - they might know something about your online 'friend' that is crucial or have been played by the predator themselves!
16-Prove Yourself
Most people want to be seduced. If they resist your efforts, it is probably because you have not gone far enough to allay their doubts-about your motives, the depth of your feelings, and so on. One well-timed action that shows how far you are willing to go to win them over will dispel their doubts. Do not worry about looking foolish or making a mistake-any kind of deed that is self-sacrificing and for your targets' sake will so overwhelm their emotions, they won't notice anything else. Never appear discouraged by people's resistance, or complaints. Instead, meet the challenge by doing something extreme or chivalrous. Conversely, spur others to prove themselves by making yourself hard to reach, unattainable, worth fighting over.
Article comments
1 - Shelly
I always have a hard time believing that these guys are doing it on purpose, but after reviewing some of the sites, I find it isn't a joke. How scary! We are targets but I beleive that we HAVE to learn to take care of ourselves. I want people to understand and learn more about this so that the joke is on them, so that they are laughed at when they try to use these techniques. So when a guy makes you feel like you are the only one who really really udnerstands him, you know right away he's full of shit. I don't think we should have "preditor police"--that's taking all our power and responsibility away. I would like to see us teach our daughters and girls in school what is really going on. Take them to these sites and show them how stupid it is so they can 't be fooled. My mother taught me when I was very young, to question commericals and do my own research on them. Consequently, I never took commericals seriously. But I know a lot of children who do "beleive" them--and fall for the propganda. Peditors are like seductive commericals, we need to question their motives, actions, --ect... That is our job as women, to learn to take care of ourselves and teach our daughters how to too. Thanks for putting this up.
2 - diana hartman
the "art of seduction" is part of the reason why there is a book called "living with the passive aggressive man" (and there oughta be a book called "living with the passive aggressive woman")...
anyone who has ever lived with and gotten away from a passive aggressive person wouldn't likely re-enter a relationship with someone so charming and indirect, assuming they worked through all their rage and disappointment...
it's a shame there are so many who think the art of seduction is any way to go and that there are those so easily lured into the trap that is this "art"...all that excitement, all that mystery, all that erectile dysfunction...but i'm not bitter...
i feel for those who for whatever reason feel the need to socialize online rather than in real life...
that's gotta suck...
3 - Barbara
I was (and probably will) write a review of Wetzler's LIVING WITH A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE MAN. Frankly you CAN'T live with them. You have to leave them eventually if you want to stay sane. Passive aggressivity is very close to narcissism. Narcissism is one mentally disordered click away from psychopathy. No thanks.
But these online predators exists. In a world that's turning into an internet culture we would be foolish to ignore them and think people who get involved with them are losers. I have spoken to men & women who have been involved with these types. These men & women are doctors, psychologists, executives, CEOs, politicians and clergy. Please who SHOULD know better but don't.
We often don't think people can really be THAT devisive. We want to believe the best of others..... just be careful.
4 - elsa
This seems like one hell of a lot of trouble to go to. It's much easier to be a stand up person...and plenty of people are attracted to that!
5 - OneOfSeven
Thank you for posting such an informative article. As a target of an internet predator and bigamist, I believe we must get smarter. We must use use our heads instead of relying on our hearts. We must do our homework and that means performing background checks on these men AND women. We must pay attention to the red flags and signs and above all educate ourselves if we are going to use online dating sites, etc. as venues for seeking relationships. Personally, I would never seek a romantic relationship online. But for those of you who do, know what you are dealing with, know the red flags, and check them out.
6 - Barbara
elsa
That's the point - to APPEAR to be a stand up person.
And then, do what you want
Of course- if you are a malignant narcissist or psychopath, Appearances would be everything! just to get your kicks...
7 - Cass
Wish I'd read this awhile back. Thanks for the great article. :)
8 - Nancy
This ought to be a 'must read' for every woman. Thanks.
9 - Fighter
Please feel free to pass it on! (as long as you refer back to it's posting on Blogcritics.org)
10 - Nancy
I just referred everyone to this website & blot title. That should work. Thanks again - VERY informative post.
11 - Nani
That's definatelly a very good article. Every woman should be aware of it. Information is power and if I knew in the past, what I know today, I wouldn't have been a target for an "online predator" like I was. My "con artist" creates simpathy as a seduction technique. Small gifts, helping old ladies, money to beggars, etc, etc.
Mine was subtle. He was interested in any detail concerning my person, because he didn't want me to suffer like his dear wife Felicia, who died of cancer.
He was a good actor for three years until the day he said, he had to go to Afghanistan. While he was in Afghanistan (which means his house with his family), I could find out that he was never widowed, Felicia didn't exist and thankfully his wife is alive and well.
Definatelly he falls on that category of seducers.
Good article and once again, information is power.
12 - Temple A. Stark
Fighter, This post was chosen by the section editor as a BC pick of the week. Go HERE (link) to find out why.
And thank you
- Temple
13 - Decieved
Reading this article was like reading about my own experience with a cyberpath. I've read as much as I can on the subject and have gotten a lot of conflicting information. On other sites, some of the descriptions fitted him, others were way out. In this article, it was all yes. That is exactly what he was like.
This man not only hurt me in this way, but hurt three other women (that i know of) in the exact same manner. And because he had us all keeping it a secret, we didn't find out about each other until he was finished messing with us. But once we did find out, we forced him to leave the website where we met him so that he wouldn't be able to use it to meet more women.
I only wish I had read this article when it was first written, I could've saved myself and two of the others from getting tangled up in his web
14 - Holly
Such interesting reading. I am in the throw's of a similar type of relationship at the moment. It has been going on for months and I realised only recenly that the friendship was not quite right! He doesn't follow all the points in your artical, but some are exactly the same and it has confirmed to me that I need to do something about it! I do not know how I will do this, because its been going on for so long & we know each other very well. However, your artical will help me. Thanks!
15 - Fighter
Holly - only one thing to do.
LEAVE.
Sorry there is no managing or fixing these relationships. You must break it off and GET OUT. These men are PATHOLOGICAL and you must GET AWAY at all cost.
It will NOT get better.