It was a dark, cold Friday afternoon when Hurd arrived at my office doorway (door open as always, they won’t suspect anything that way).
“The commish wants ta see you.”
I gave my obliged thanks and, lifting my fedora and overcoat off the rack, exited the room. I walked the corridors, I sensed the reek of stale urine, archaic wallpaper remnants of a forgotten past, trapped in a memory of the Cold War. Framed portraits of Josef Manegele and Max Ernst’s Eye of Silence sat side by side on the wall; this place had never ceased its bizarre condition for me.
The Municipal Affairs building resided just south-west of the Potomac River in Washington DC. The large white building lay in the shadow of a large cheese factory, an inconspicuous location indeed.
The commish was a pugnacious-looking fifty-something. I had only met him two or three times before, although his reputation was notorious, he would often challenge his agents to combat each other in late night games of pogs, with the losing participant/s cast into the abyss of reptilian rabbis. I had never awarded much prestige to these so-called superiors, but I knew I’d have to rove cautiously here. He had the glint of usuriousness in his eyes; the man was probably a loan shark in a previous life.
“A matter of great importance has surfaced.”
Isn’t that what they all say?
“Now I can’t tell you too much you understand.”
Unambiguous as always.
“We need you to infiltrate the Jeff Fahey Yahoo Group.”
The words resounded in my inner self, bounding back and forth between kidneys. I had heard rumours that a major operation was to be executed on this matter, but never did I consider myself a viable candidate.
“Why me?”
“You have the sort of nefarious repugnance that is required of such a mission.”
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Article comments
1 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
"I don’t remember quite how I got out of there, all I recall is waking up on a small dinghy covered in a putrid, translucent, blue-tinged, viscous substance."
hahahah praise god in heaven!! as i have revealed to you, Sir Fleming, this is as fine a piece of Faheyist prose as ever was etched by anyone not called Jeff Fahey.
2 - Bennett
Heh! Fun in a Chandler-ish sorta way. Really liked that pary about your kidneys...
3 - Mat Brewster
What is it with you boys and Fahey?
Fun stuff, Aaron.
4 - Phillip Winn
The Aarons have a crush. Or is it two crushes?
5 - Aaron Fleming
Haha, thanks.
Rest assured it is but a rigorous hetrosexual admiration. The Faheyian revolution starts here!
6 - Mat Brewster
The Cult of Fayey?
7 - Aaron Fleming
I don't know about that, but certainly the cult of FaHey is a possibility. :)
8 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
and might i add - best amazon links EVER
9 - celtgirl
A Fahey fan here, but have languished as a pending member on the Fahey yahoo groups for over a week now. I guess I'm not missing anything.
10 - Aaron Fleming
Celtgirl - hey, you need to be on 'daily mail' I believe. Failing a conversion to that just email one of the moderators, in fact that's what I had to do back in the day.
Missing anything? Well I cloud everything in hyperbole, but really you'd be coming into talk like "oh he didn't have a shirt on in that scene" etc. Unfortunatly.
11 - Rodney Welch
So ... this isn't a post about John Fahey huh? Oh well.
12 - Aaron Fleming
Clearly not, sonny. It's Jeff or nothing.
13 - DJRadiohead
What I want to know is, when are we going to get more battleline reporting from either The Duke or Sir Fleming in regards to the war of the Fay-heys and the Fah-heys.
France is burning and I am told it has to do with Islam but I won't believe it. This is bigger than the Jets and the Sharks. It has to be the nefarious Fah-eyites and the devilish Fay-heyians at work here.
14 - Aaron Fleming
DJRadiohead: Reporters are already out in the field gathering first-hand accounts of the chaos. And you are right to draw real-life comparisons here, those dastardly Fay-heyians will stop at nothing to submit entropic dystopia upon us all! Fuckers.
15 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
i got my left eye blew out my damn head by a Fay-Heyan back in the day. Thankfully it healed over real nice, nicer than it used to be, in fact.
16 - DJRadiohead
I would consider it an honor serve as a foreign war correspondant should I need to be called into duty. Let those Fay-Heans try to get the jump on me and they'll get dealt with.
17 - celtgirl
I'll have to check on the daily mail option. Thanks for the tip.
Discussing a shirtless Fahey is OK by me. I'm always looking for more fantasy fodder. What I really would like to read is an account of someone who's actually met him, and perhaps seen
him up close and personal and shirtless!
18 - Regina Ray
Hi,I think Jeff Fahey is a fine actor.Altough some of the roles he picks are little crazy.He
is extremely talented and off the wall sometimes.
It is great when you can live your life the way
you want.I have a great life.I have a great husband and three great kids.I also have a sweet
grandson and in a few months a beautiful granddaughter.I am very contented and I try to
enjoy life.So,I say to Jeff Fahey have fun and
by the way Happy Birthday.Your Friend Regina
Ray.
19 - Regina Ray
Jeff,
I really enjoyed your movie Locust the 8th
plague.It was a little different from your
usaul genre.I would like to send you a birthday
card but i have no connection to get it there.
My father passed away the 12th November and it
has been pretty hard for me.I have had a lot on
my mind and it has been a banner year for me.I
was given a new grandson June 28th and I have
a granddaughter coming around January 3rd.Well,I
hope you have a chance to write back.I know you
are very busy.Take care and Happy Birthday.
Your Friend,Regina Ray
20 - Aaron Fleming
Condolences on your paternal loss.
But, um, I'm not actually Jeff Fahey. Not quite sure how you got that idea, or perhaps this is just a suave joke orchestrated by a Fay-heyian.