Some of y'all may know that The Duke has a slab of web-net by the name of Mondo Irlando. What I plan to do shortly is to throw on a load of stuff that was at one point going to become the short story collection Tales Of Rural Villainy. I have decided simply to put the best of these (of which there are very, very few) on the site that folks might be able to ignore them for free. This here is one of the pieces, what is all to do with the "satire" and mixes the fictitcion with the reality and such.
Tales Of Rural Villainy will appear on Mondo Irlando sometime shortly.
If y'all like this here, The Duke would be very grateful if y'all might leave a comment.
A Contemporary Analysis Of Online Crime
The United States government have just this week issued a stunning report, culled from thousands of anonymous sources, which details how exactly 92% of crimes committed in the USA last year, involved the Internet in some fashion. Perhaps the time for government legislation concerning the World Wide Web has finally arrived, like some glorious summer dawn.
It is not, contrary to some reports, difficult to obtain or view illegal content on the Internet. Web sites such as www.illegalstuff.com thrive on the very availability of these materials. Internet search provider Google have revealed that of the top 10 searches entered by visitors in the last six months, two-thirds were for photographs of men being assaulted by gophers for sexual satisfaction. Indeed, the worlds leading gopher molestation expert, Kevin McBride, is convinced that the practice only really took off after the usage of the net skyrocketed. "This practice only really took off", McBride elaborates, "after the usage of the net skyrocketed." He goes on to explain this controversial statement. "Previously, people with gopher-molestation fantasies would have to make do with children or the elderly. Nowadays, gophers can actually be shipped to your house by certain organisations, for the sole purpose of teasing ones flesh towards orgasm. One site in particular actually specialises in breeding gophers for the sole purpose of bathing themselves suggestively."
Article comments
1 - Jim Carruthers
The Duke needs a mustard plaster applied to his genitals. Sure, it will hurt, but it will do you good in long run. Or a nice set of comfy jammies. Really, this is of concern.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Jim, i am baffled and / or aroused by these comments. Do elaborate. What is of concern? It's my big ears, isn't it.
3 - Jim Carruthers
ewwww, here I am all over that nice Sarah Polley, and you go and spoil the mood. Just take a cold shower why dontcha.
Oh, wait, Margaret Walsh just said "fuck" again, and Scott Thompson said "dirty hooer" several times. On Teevee, live, nationally. So the USA can just South Park our nether regions. Yes, it is Saturday night and I'm watching teevee, but at least it keeps me off the streets. Since I only have to go next door for take-out pho, and I get DVDs by mail, it is somewhat surprising I go out at all.
4 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Sometimes i wonder if i have ever actually been outside at all. Sure, i got memories, man, like the time when i fell over in a field and stuff, but those could just be hypnotechnical suggestions or some-shit. Maybe i never left the house ever. Maybe there is no house. Maybe i'm just the fantasies of some omnipresent being. If so, man, your fantasies suck. You ever seen Christina Aguilera? She gets naked and everything, man, think about her. What the fuck you wanna think about The Duke for? Sheesh, sometimes God is so unfathomable.
5 - Jim Carruthers
In my fantasies, Jenna Jamesom plays Xtina, and they are doing a remake of that movie where the star has a pussy that sings, but we're not interested in casting Courtney Love despite her claims of having a "magic pussy". Noway, nohow are we going near that.
Now, in my fevered imagination, I am eating hot pepper popcorn while watching "Marathon Man" and thankful I don't have an appointment with a dentist.
6 - Jim Carruthers
Of course, what I really want to know is who searched for "courtney love" and "magic pussy".
No, don't want to know why. Please
7 - Nick Jones
I did. And I wanted to see what the context was.