The Duke On "Manhunt" For The PC. - Page 2

I almost wept myself to death. What a festering tub of rancid arse-spray this fucking travesty turned out to be. I flung the controller across the room, and decided that never again would one of these bastard monstrosities, these "video-games" cause me to suffer such immense agony.

And that was that.

For about ten minutes a couple years ago I got quite involved with The Sims, but it was really a temporary engagement. Sure, it's all the fun in the world to make them stand around until they piss themselves, but I was still haunted by that malignant boil on my past, that fucking sludge-pasted crud that so demoralised my fragile soul.

Anyway, point is, I bought this Manhunt, and I put it on, and watched the fancy visuals and so on, and figured I might as well play it for a minute, what with it costing 30 quid and what not. Three days later I'm the same position, now with a gargantuan assemblage of crushed Diet Coke tins and cigarette butts on the floor beside me. My eyes are sunken, surrounded by unattractive black rings. My fingers hover cautiously over the keyboard. Just five more minutes I'm thinking. Five more minutes. Just one more attempt at this level. Just one more cut-scene, that's it. Two more executions.

I'm fucking addicted is the point I'm making.

All those childhood fantasies about being chased by motherfuckers on motorbikes, and Rottwielers, and Neo-Nazi's with bricks in their hands and evil on their minds. All those things are coming to life right before my very sleep-deprived eyes.

What Manhunt is concerned with, is you are a character who has been taken from Death Row, where you were about to be killed by way of the old lethal injection, and have now be thrown into a series of vignettes wherein you must kill various evil-types in various inventive ways, all for the pleasure of the viewing public.

The fella in control of it all, y'see, makes the Snuff films, and so barks directions at you now and again, like "That's it… Execute those worthless motherfuckers!" This fella is voiced by the ever wonderful Brian Cox, and it really is quite a novelty to have the original Doctor Lecktor tell you that he's "starting to enjoy watching you fuck things up".

This swearing, man. Seems to be all the rage nowadays, with regards the "Videogames". Back in the days of yore that I mentioned earlier, the most swear-related activity in the old computer game scene was when you typed "shit" into The Quest For The Golden Eggcup and then got put in jail. Nowadays, every character wants to talk about "You son of a fucking whore" and "I'm gonna beat the shit out of you" and "I can't wait to taste your head-juice". Seriously. I might be wrong, but I don't recall Pac Man talking about motherfucker, or the Space Invaders trying to steal your motherfucking head-juice, bitch.

Article Author: Duke De Mondo

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