The Duke On Manhunt
Back in the midsts of time, when dragons roamed ye fields and folks got burned with steaks or something on account of the "devil", a film came out by the name of The Running Man, adapted from a Stephen King novella, and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Grown-up types probably yacked about it was a pile of old toss, and nothing like King's book, and how it was about as believable as the notion that the leading man would be in government office one day. All that kinda stuff.
But The Running Man inspired The Duke no-end. Being a youngster at the time, I wrote a letter to the good folks behind the release of this here classic, urging that they consider The Duke for their next instalment. As a selling point, I noted that I was quite good at fighting Pitbulls, Rottwielers etc.
Nothing came of that letter, and the years went by, until a film arrived by the name of Hard Target what had Van Damme being hunted down by a bunch of maniacs so as he could get some money or get released from jail or get his twin brother free from the Triads or whatever the fuck Van Damme was up to that week. This was, incredible as it may seem, even better than The Man Who Sprinted, on account of it had plenty more gore, and crossbows, and motherfuckers on motorcycles hunting vagrants down with baseball bats and so on. Also, there were plenty of doves involved.
But The Duke was on the verge of growing up, and suddenly the area south of the navel, hitherto but a functional curiosity, was taking on the foreboding mystery of some Bermuda Triangle of the torso. Point is, I was too old to worry about running around streets hiding from motherfuckers on motorbikes, or indeed Pitbulls, what with puberty and all that to be getting on with.
Which brings us up to a couple days ago, when I decided on a whim to purchase a computer game by the name of Manhunt, on account of it had a cool cover and an "18" certificate and had folks up in arms, legs, various other limbs, about how this was the most depraved bout of depravity ever to deprave our children or something.
The Duke lost interest in computer games sometime around the release of Resident Evil - Survivor. I had purchased that particular item with unbridled anticipation. Resident Evil, the game responsible for many mystery viruses in my home, when I was suddenly too ill to even contemplate going to school or anything, so I best just stay here. Maybe I'll try and get that fucking snake out of the fireplace while I'm at it. Resident Evil, the reason for my existence between the months of May and September 1996. Here it was, in first-person, like Doom, except scary and with giant spiders.