The Art Of Filmic Discussion For The Web-Net
On account of the recent award bestowed upon The Duke for his fine, semi-sexual skills regarding the critique of Filmic Affairs, I have decided it is time to let you all in on the tools of the trade, the trade being Critique Of Filmic Affairs For Posting On The Web-Net, and the tools being a modem, keyboard, some films, a joke or two.
Film Critics are the most powerful individuals ever to grace the universe, with the possible exception of The Soviets. Even Stalin, though, it has been suggested, would have been laughed out of Russia had he not been so eloquent regarding why Cannibal Holocaust is a damn masterpiece.
For proof of our continuing dominance regarding the popular consensus, note how many people immediately cite Citizen Kane as their Favourite Film What Any Motherfucker Ever Made. Have they seen the film? No, they just know there's a sled somewhere along the line. But because we have decided it is The Best Film What Any Motherfucker Ever Made, they are more than willing to rhyme off about how the dialogue overlaps, motherfucker, and the depth of composition is just about divine, don't you know?
This works in a vice versa type fashion too, like the film where Fred Savage turned into Judge Reinhold. Man, that Fred Savage. What crazy shenanigans will he get up to next, we can only wonder?
Ask anyone about The Godfather Trilogy. What do you get? Oh man, you might get, that Godfather is amazing is what it is, and The Godfather Part 2 - The Return Of The Godfather is possibly even better, what with the much further developed narrative. Part 3 though, that was just about the biggest load of shit I ever did see.
Here's a secret, friends - These fools didn't even see The Godfather Part 3 - Annihilation. Truth be told, they thought you were talking about the film where the man marries a widow and then kills her family.
So, then, it would be a damn act of treason to abuse this power, which is why I have compiled this here guide what might also be referred to as The Best Guide To Critique De Flick What Any Motherfucker Ever Wrote.