The Duke's Guide To The Web-Net
Week Beginning 17-05-2004
Hi friends.
I'm sorry as all hell about the lateness of this week's instalment. I mean I'm flagellating myself as I type this, and I doubt The Duke will get canonized for his efforts. Anyhow, here's this week's wonderful bullshit what I uncovered via the medium of the Internet Web Service.
Maybe you were brought up to believe in the idea that God created the world and so on, or maybe you went with those Darwinian types who talked about the Evolvalist Method or something. Turns out though, both those assumptions are woefully inaccurate, and here's why;
Neither one mentions the Aliens. Which is what really happened.
Turns out a few millennia ago or some such, a bunch of Aliens made the world. What happened was, we all got confused, see, and started flinging terms like God at them and what not.
Aliens, man. How hard are these Extra Terrestrial motherfuckers to please? Who would complain if someone called them God? I'm all the open in the world to anyone who might wish to refer to me as a deity.
Not those Aliens though. They get all uppity on account of that.
But it turns out all sorts of folks have been in contact with these here Aliens, from that Christopher Walken fella way back to Moses, Noah, other folks with beards.
Also, these folks caused a whole lot of the Controversy around the turn of the year with their claims about how they had cloned a human being. Most folks now assume this claim to be, as Darwin once said, "A load of motherfucking horseshit, is what", but still, you never know.
Best check out their web-net assemblage and prepare for the Alien related apocalypse or whatever.
This fella is the most astounding and possibly Satanic motherfucker you ever did see. You may have heard the malarkey in the press about his Russian Roulette TV special, or maybe you saw his TV shows, when he did shit like making a ticket vender pay out on a losing ticket at a Greyhound Track. And he didn't even use a machete or an AK-47. Just kept saying "This is the winning ticket" like some Jedi mind shenanigans out of Babylon 5 or something.
The Duke and Duchess went to see this character at The Waterfront Hall in Belfast last Sunday, and let me be the first to say Holy Shit, is what. He made us all promise not to reveal any secrets and what-not, but I can tell you this;
Article comments
1 - HW Saxton Jr.
Duke,If you're not already familiar with
web-site you might wanna check it out.
It's called: www.bertisevil.com.
They implicate Bert from Sesame Street
to being involved in:The burning of the
Reichstag & the JFK assasination amongst
other things.Pretty funny graphics and
whatnot.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
HW, i'll check it out and if it reaches the giddy heights of these here recommendations then i'll fling it into the next column (which should be monday, i think)
Thanks for the suggestion
3 - db forumite
*bangs hand against screen*
This is the dog you are looking for.
;-)
4 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Ha! Nice to see you here db forumite!
Really, tho, the ticket explicitly states that...
oh, ok
here
so anyway, as i was saying, um, what stop was it again?