I then contacted the FBI and got an entirely different response. They were profoundly interested in this case, and in my safety and offered to have my apartment sweeped and asked if I needed a car to watch me. I took what I needed and told them that I was worried for my safety, and I also passed on all of the pictures of the children, the rape victims (not staged rape – let’s not forget that), and the pictures of me. It embarrasses me to tell you this, and it shouldn’t. I have been, and I hate this word, a victim. But more than this, I am a survivor and I will not let this happen to me or anyone else if I can stop it.
With the help of the FBI, and I can’t say too much here, we are slowly working on this case and gathering all the information we can. I want to tell those of you whose names I saw in connection with these sites to please do a Google search of your name. If you find any sex cam sites that you do not belong to, immediately report this through the FBIs website or call your local FBI Internet Crimes Division, OR, email me privately and we will put together a joint suit.
As writers, we need our reputation intact and we need our work to be taken seriously. Because of these pictures of me, because in my case, it went too far before I found out, I have been sexually harassed at my previous office by people who, no doubt, found the site and figured I really wanted to be hog-tied. I still have Internet stalkers who visit my site and leave threatening messages about what they want to do to me (always on my tombstone, mind you), and none of the parent companies has responded to my emails about removing my name from their advertising.
It is bad enough to have the pictures; but to have them and use my real name is even worse because it says that this is something I either consented to, or, it gives others the idea that I am a victim and easy prey at that. Since the break-in, since I saw the pictures, I have lived with a deep and profound fear of sleeping alone either in my house or in my studio. My husband has to travel sometimes, and at those times, I have a male friend stay over and I sleep with a weapon next to the bed (if you can call that sleeping). One eye is open.
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Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - aacool
This is freakin scary - I hope you are fine and safe. Thanks for the headsup. Eric, this sullies the name of your excellent site.
2 - boomcrashbaby
Sadi, this is horrible, I know what you are going through. I've mentioned before why I use the pseudonym of boomcrashbaby. A woman from a message board system hired a private investigator to follow me around and take pictures of me in the K-Mart parking lot as well as in the jacuzzi in my own backyard (the jacuzzi picture, I never saw and due to the layout of my backyard, I think it is impossible to take a picture of me without some type of super telescopic camera). She got my phone number, got my work phone number, called me at work a dozen times a day, called my partner and told him I was leaving him for her, she knew at the time that I wanted to become a parent and she preyed on that to almost cost me my job, my home, my partner and everything, so that I would have had no choice but to go to her. All from posting messages on a message board.
There's definitely crazy people out there, I hope the best for you all, keep safe and let us know how it is resolved.
3 - sadi
to both of you =- first, thanks for reading, and yes, it does sully the name of Eric's excellent site as well as the reputations that we, as writers, have worked many, many years to create. I hate that i had to write this - or felt that i did. I wanted to finally say at least some of the story. Obviously, there is a great deal more, but while the case is active, i can't give more details. Suffice to say that the price i have paid has been extremely high both physically and mentally, and the strain this has put on my relationships because now i don't trust anyone that much; the FBI believe this was either someone i worked with or someone who had seen and been watching me for a while, like a neighbor. the angle of the shots was from a ladder in the neighbor's yard into my bedroom window. other's were taken inside the house from hidden micro cameras.
The amazing thing to me is that the local police did nothing to help me; that in short, they blamed me and treated me like i was a histrionic woman.
Yes, it sounds far fetched, but regardless, it happened and it happened to me and it happens to men and women every day. They then use these picures as you noted, as a kind of power over you, to "ruin your reputation" which is hwy i went public with this today. I know my work is read and that i am Googled enough and i wanted to be clear that if you ever come across such sites, i absolutely do NOT have anything to do with them.
For those whose names were mentioned and for Eric especially since it is blogcritics, there is a huge lawsuit here and i would be more than happy to join forces. That children are involved makes it all the more disgusting. Thank god i took screenshots of everything. You saw their banner here - i figure if they can print pictures of me, then i can use their banner for journalism (fair use laws - so if they are reading this, read up on copyright).
Obviously, this is very disturbing for me and has been for a long time now. I knew i'd find support here at blogcritics, the only place i am posting this story. I am grateful for your sharing your own story with me and only sorry you had to go through this too. It's always awful, and men and women can be victims, though these people seem to go for women, esp. women who are somewhat known and who, like me, have written or spoken out about hardcore or child pornography. The FB I said this is likely why i was targeted the big haha on the feminist bitch thing.
we'll see who gets the last laugh. I tell you though, when i find out who did this, there will be hell to pay in more ways than one.
What an awful thing to have to deal with for anybody, and fellow blogcritics, i told you this as a means of helping not hurting. Please take it in that spirit - you don't want to wind up like i did.
my best to you all,
sadi
4 - Mac Diva
Christ! I had no idea. I have made it a rule to never link to X-rated sites on my blogs. Yet, there I am, looking as if I support the stuff.
5 - jadester
um, have you not noticed those spam comments BC gets from time to time? i'm pretty sure you'll find that's what's causing the results in google. it's a knock-on of two big problems that aren't easily solvable:
1)having a site like this, allwing open comments. It's open to abuse, such as by those spam-commenters
2)something to do with Google's indexing and ranking system. I remember in the past there have been one or two posts about how some blog services offer their bloggers tips on how to improve their search engine rankings, at least with google (and any that use google's system). I believe it involves looking at cross-references, etc.
If Eric & co. are prepared to delete all those spam comments, that might help a bit, but another point to bear in mind is that Google caches a page generally for a LOOOONG time, so the results will probably still show because as far as the google engine knows, those comments still exist.
there isn't much else we can try. Possibly, if any of the admins are prepared to do this, they could look up the spam commenter IPs and report them to their ISPs for spamming (spam is spam, whether e-mail or web-based, and i think the ISPs might be interested if you made clear the content that is being spammed about)
When you describe a site as "advertising" they had pics/videos of you, if you just mean in the site's description (as it appears in google), this doesn't (currently) count as advertising, as it's *meant* to be a way for web sites to be indexed according to content. Of course, as you have experienced here, these days every easy-money-hungry scumsucker uses widely-documented features such as this to get as much exposure for their crappy li'l sites as possible.
Please try not to let it bother you. There are alot of sites like this, but i suspect they're mostly run by just one person. A number of searches for other dodgy terms (warez, cracks, serials, etc.) on google throws up a whole load of sites that follow a very similar template, if with a different angle ("download our warez dialler and get all the warez you want, free!!!!!!!*free excludes the premium-rate phone call cost, charged at £10000 a minute...")
that said, i support any actions to make a dent in the "business" of all the lowlifes that are doing this. hell, if i knew enough, i wouldn't be here complaining, i'd be busy replacing all those nasty sites with mirrors of BC. Now THAT'd get us some traffic, though it may not be the sort of traffic we want =+O
6 - Mac Diva
Jade, of course I know about the porn spammer. He owns Comments at times. And, he is really versatile, transferring from one blog host to another as often as Blogcritics moves. (Which makes me wonder if he is an insider.)
What annoys me is the ability to carry these misleading refers out to appear endlessly in search engines. I believe that it is time to put in a controller for comments. It could be in the form of making people open a Comments Only membership to participate. Another possibility is the use of a confirmation code (usually a randomly generated number) that must be posted before the comment will appear. Bots can't do that.
7 - sadi
Jade, Mac, everyone - thanks for your comments. Jade: i would love to not let this bother me, but since in my case it was not just my name, but a break in, cameras, and pictures of me in my own home, naked, sleeping etc etc, it's a little hard not to "get worked up" or whatever it was you said. I donj't mean to offend you at all. Please. But honestly, can you say that if that had happened to you you would be okay with it and reason a way out of it and say, well, hey , that's just how search engines work. we all know that. what i'm talking about is something that for me anyway, began as something like this, then gave someone else the idea to hunt me down, shoot pictures of me, install cameras, wire my house, and broadcast it over the internet with my real name. But i guess since they didn't really show my face,that's okay.
I feel and felt that i was assaulted every day for over a year now; every time someone saw those pictures and when i, god help me, saw them, i was sick - literally. me, with my husband, in the privacy of my home. in the shower. talk about never feeling safe again. I now no longer have "normal" curtains or blinds. I have heavy canvas curtains that are double taped to the windows because these cameras are so small. I also am working with a top agent at the FBI because this same site had child pornography even though their dislaimer said they did not. Even though their disclaimer said it was all staged, their whole advertisement said it was real, and i can tell you for a fact - the shots of me were never staged.
I appreciate you don't want anyone to get their knickers in a twist over "nothing" or some blip in the system or whatever, but take it from my experience, one thing leads to another. AS a woman who has been assaulted and who has her whole career written about pornography (and believe it or not, in defense of it, because i am a strong advocate of the first ammendment and it's a slippery slope), how do you think i feel then being a victim? Perhaps you do know. I want to be fair. Or perhaps you don't. In any event, i will not calm down about this until the people responsible are in jail and pay the punitive and social price for what has become a felony crime in my case.
As for the rest of the names from Blogcritics, i can only say that i doubt they agree that they should settle down. NO one wants to be histrionic, but neither should we be defeatist and sit down and take it and say, "oh gee, that sucks, but hey..." so my boss, my colleagues, my connections, my editor at the New Yorker thinks i'm into Bondage and has seen me naked, but hey... that's cool.
Maybe you weren't saying that, and if so, then i do apologize, but it sounded like that to me and i have to strongly disagree. I say this not to start some pithy argument because that's dumb, but to go on record with my disagreement as one who has been through this for obver a year now and now has to have police protection, my house sweeped for bugs, and my own personal FBI agent.
Lucky me. I'll take your advice and try to relax, but somehow, i don't think that is going to work this time, I'm all for being wu-wei and taoist about it, but in this case, that's a bitter and tough pill to swallow.
sorry, but i'm not sold that sitting still is the right thing to do on this one, and i hope to god that those whose names were mentioned will join me in fighting this before they wind up like i did --
thx. for reading, and do be in touch. Eric, i'm sure will do everything he can do make sure this doesn't happen if it was as you say; i can't imagine he'd want his baby to be associated with such filth and without consent -- i'll let him speak for himnself, but he has always been honorable with me and i have to judge based on my own experience.
Mac - good to hear from you again; fight the good fight, and private email me if you want to chat.
all best to all,
sadi
8 - sadi
more thoughts; jadester, you seem to know a lot about this, and given that, it might be good if you could work with some local authorities or even the federal government because they neeed people like you who understand how this happens.
again, in my case, it was more than my name - as explained;
but as for the others and the spammers, then you could have a job helping put a stop to this given your knowledge. even freelance could likely bring in some real bucks.
i'm serious about this;
just a thought -- thx. for the info.
sade
9 - jadester
ah, my bad, missed that little bit of the details in your post =+(
hmm, i always thought it was a rare thing, and didn't really go on as commonly as such sites appear to show. Maybe i was wrong...
A suggestion for anyone reading, who may be concerned; simply setup your own hidden cameras. Only have them record when you're going out. Better still, have it on a motion-activated setup (not as expensive or complicated s it sounds these days, even many digital cameras can do this) so it only records if there's movement in the room. Then you'll know if you've been setup like this (and, hopefully, exactly where to find the cameras)
It maybe paranoid, but it's one of few ways to be sure of your privacy.
10 - Phillip Winn
My gosh, this is insane! Sadi, I'm so glad you're in touch with the authorities, and I hope that whoever set this up gets put away for a long, long time.
You maybe shouldn't say here on a public page, but I'm quite curious how they linked your name here with your home address, etc. It seems more likely that they would have started with your home address and googled your name from there, I think, but then I don't really have all of the details.
On porn spam commenters: there are hundreds or thousands of them out there, and we usually catch them all the same day, within hours even, so even though our comments are open, we actually don't have nearly the problems many large sites do with comment spam.
In this case, I'm glad that it appears (and again, I'm working only with the information I have, which isn't complete) that the comment spam actually led you to find something far, far, worse that you might otherwise never have discovered.
This is simply horrifying. I'm so glad you're unharmed!
11 - Phillip Winn
Actually, I've poked around a little more, cautiously, afraid what I might find, and it doesn't appear that this has anything to do with comment spam. Instead, a shady operator (as porn producers tend to be, in my opinion) has simple grabbed random bits of random web pages and stuck them on an
"entry" page in order to appear like a "real" webpage and not the google-boosting fraud that it really is.
It literally looks like they did a random, probably automated, copy-and-paste from our sidebar, after searching the web for the word "diva".
Unfortunately, that means that there is nothing whatsoever we can do to stop it aside from what you are already doing, which is to pursue legal avenues to shut them down.
12 - Phillip Winn
In searching for 'diva' the first excerpt on that awful page is the last listing on page 19 of Google's results, and page 14 of Yahoo!'s results, but the excerpt text is closer to Google's than Yahoo!'s. Still, it's not an exact match, and the next excerpt isn't anywhere in the first 35 pages of Google results, so maybe I'm missing a search engine, or maybe there is some process even more random by which this automated page-creator gets its content.
Still, the word 'diva' clearly figures into it pretty heavily; it's in every one of the five excerpts.
13 - Mac Diva
I started using 'diva' years ago when I did some writing about Apple products. The connotation has definitely changed. Music diva or fashion diva I can understand. But, where did porn diva come from?
14 - boomcrashbaby
Amber Lynn.
15 - sadi
I want to thank all of you who answered and responded to this post, and Jadester, thanks for clearing up the comment. I wasn't attacking you and it seemed you had missed some of the article and that was the case - thanks for clearing that up s I was somewhat hurt by your seeming indifference. So thank you -- J
Dear Mac - I'm so sorry to have to share this news with you because it sucks, truly, but I felt I had to.
In my case, as many said, it is likely this did not start with an online thing but rather with someone who had seen me, seen where I live, a neighbor or coworker even, or even pros who do this for a living and broke in and then sold the tapes and the pictures to the voyeur site.
The fallout as I said has been horrible. But the hardest parts are the quietest:
Feeling unsafe in my own home.
Feeling like I can't take a shower or a pee without someone filming me.
Feeling unsafe making love to my own husband lest it's being filmed.
Getting undressed or dressed (cameras in the closet).
Many, many things - the normal things one does, you stop doing. To me, the worst thing of all was that they stole several of my journals and so they found out personal things about me and knew how to get to me, which is really scheming and professional in a way.
I kept a journal for over twenty years and have a cabinet full of them. As a cancer patient, I've been told that people who keep journals have better survival rates than those who do not because they have a way to vent and get it out. Sadly, I will never keep a journal again, because now I'm terrified. I do keep my poems etc in journals, drafts of articles, but never any personal thoughts anymore, nothing deep, and nor do I trust new people.
You all will deal with this how you will; I just wanted to bring it to your attention, while realizing that yes, this is slightly different from my case, but still,, this is a violation and an abuse of your name and your reputation and you may pay for that professionally. DO you know how many people Google my name each day? The ones I see on my Web site number in the hundreds - and some of those people may be prospective employers - imagine what they're thinking….
If you want, file a police report. It takes ten minutes. Just insist on it (most local police do not "get the crime" here.). Keep a copy of it in a safe place and make a Xerox and keep it elsewhere (not in the house).
Also, if you want to join me in pursuing these people, write a letter to the FBI stating your thoughts and what has happened with YOUR name and how this affects you. I would be glad to present this to my agent and the more people that join me in support, the harder they will go to bring these guys (oh, and by the way, sickeneningly, one of the owners is a woman… I can't wait to meet her in court).
well, thx. to all for your comments, good will, and excellent comments.
be safe, and protect yourself and do what you feel is best.
cheers,
srp
16 - Eric Olsen
Sadi, thanks for sharing this appalling news in your customary honest, intelligent manner. While the news about Blogcritics is startling, it isn't all that surprising given the architecture of the Internet and search engines, and the ethics of X% of Internet operators.
Much more disconcerting is your own horrifying experience, and as others have said, thank God you were able to get the information to the FBI and they are taking it seriously.
And I agree we need to help each other any way we can.
17 - Robert Nagle
First, Sadi, do you realize that you repeated several paragraphs on your post?
Good piece. Scary story.
18 - sadi
wow, thanks erostratus and thanks eric - ididn't know i had repeated several paragraphs. they must have come when i copied the article in several times. shit. i'll fix that asap.
and thanks for telling me. i'll put up the post again and am again, very grateful to everyonewho responded to this and offered their support.
it's awful that this has to happen to anyone and yes, my case was a next level, but even the name use sullies all of our reputations and that concerns me as a professional writer - like most here, very very much.
together, we can fix this...
rock on.
sade
19 - jadester
hey i just had another thought about something you could do. Not sure if it's feasible, but:
you can buy TV jammers these days. I'm almost certain the government has stuff that can cause bad interference within a smallish area. There's probably something in the public domain you can get to do that. It sucks that we're even at a stage where such an idea doesn't seem like just a paranoid delusional's extreme fantasy, but i think the technology is available and possibly affordable.
Actually, i may ask a friend who works with TVs and other similar electronics, if i remember. It'd screw your own too but unless you're in the habit of watching tv whilst you shower, that shouldn't be a problem.
20 - sadi
jadester, this is a good idea, and i'll look into it. i've also installed all kinds of other security measures as well and have personal security things too. but the more the merrier.
yes, it is sad that we're made to feel delusional, but that's the climate,
sadly. thanks again..
best,
sadi
21 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
sadi, my heart goes out to you, truly. this is the kinda shit that gets me terrified and paranoid when they use it in a film. i never imagined such practices are all that common in "real life". The reaction of the local police is enough to make me puke. Here in northern ireland, stuff like the child stuff gets taken very very seriously. the hint of it would be enough to get a major investigation underway. that alone should be reason for a serious legal case against the site. But that they installed hidden cameras in your house, and that the police didn't want to hear about it... how can this shit be? What more do they need? This is a downright terrifying story, and you are amazing for putting it on here. I imagine that the silence of those affected by these sites is the reason why folks get off with it. Voices are important.
Good luck in sorting this out.
:)
22 - Douglas Mays
Sadi, very interesting. Yeah, Alt.com., quite a personals site. What an invasion.
peaceloveguidance
23 - sadi
yes, Ed, you are right; and thanks peace;
i'm from Scotland and there too it would be taken very seriously. amazing that it wasn't taken seriously here.
i went public with this because they win through silence. it took me months to muster the courage to write even this - and there is more to the story- but this was all i could manage for now.
but in silence, they have bullied you and they win. so the hell with that. and when i saw other names used, i didn't wnat that to happen to other people. what happened to me is probably pretty rare, i should hope, but this one site, fuckspy, has many, many victims and you saw their banner in my article -- so no matter what they say, this is the REAL thing and it is NOT consensual - most of it is not. not hte voyeur stuff and certainly, children cannot consent. they say on their site that they did not use children and i noticed they took those pics down but i had already passed them onto the FBI and taken screenshots of everything, so tant pis.
going public is one way to protect ourselves and gather a community of support not just for me, but to encourage other people who have gone through this to come forward and join forces with me. We could even take this to congress, since at present, from what i understand, there is very little Internet regulation - and that's part of the problem. there are no police out there etc.
and also, women are taken less seriously than children, and that's not right either. Both are very serious. IT's serious when it happens to anybody.
It's absolutely terrifying to have your house broken into, but then to find cameras, etc. and then find pictures of yourself (by chance, as it happened) online, was perhaps the scariest day of my life. I thought i was losing my mind. That it had to be a mistake - alas, it was not.
But i am grateful for your support and have been thinking of moving back to Europe, though likely this will spread there too - sadly.
we can only fight it now.
anyway, i'm off for the night; needless to say, i am leaving this place because of bad memories etc, among other reasons.
i wasn't sure how this piece would be received. none of these sites EVER responded to my emails (they hide) - even the woman who works at fuckspy apparently is either ignorant or doesn't care. God help her the day this should happen to her; what song will she sing then? and what will any jury say knowing that she was part of a voyeur ring?
Reap what you sow.
So always sow what is right, what is good, what is true, and what sustains.
cheers,
24 - Eric Olsen
Duke and Sadi, crucial point about the silence, and Sadi you are fearless with your honesty in getting the word out about stuff like this.
Typical reaction: earlier today, I was telling someone the broad outline of this story, and SHE, yes I said she mumbled something about paranoia and the person bringing something like this on themselves. I about burst a gasket and let this person know she was heinously mistaken and callous, and would she respond the same way if she had told her daughter had been raped?
That gave her a bit of perspective on the matter.
So anyway, people don't think things like this actually happen to real people and letting them know otherwise is a real public service.
Thanks again.
25 - sadi
eric, thanks as ever, and thanks for coming to my defense though i'm really sorry to hear that anyone, let alone a woman, would say something so absurd. Could i possible fake my own pictures on a web site? would the FBI take it seriously and work with me? did i make up child porn as part of my "paranoia".
You were right; where it she or her own child that had been through this, or still going through and been through such assault, it would be a different story, i'm quite sure. I'm not a fucking whiner about this - this is something real and true and it happened to me and it happens to women every day.
Tell your friend to look up the stats. or better yet, why not join fuckspy and see for herself; gee, maybe she's even there.
sorry to be so venemous, but that anyone would doubt this is frankly, aburd and totally out of touch with what goes on in the real world. It may suck, it may be sad, but it happens. the saddest part of all is this is the type of person who would sit on a jury and blame a rape victim for being "paranoid" or "inviting it" or whatever. That makes me physically sick - honestly - it's truly disturbing.
I've said my peace; i don't really care about your friend, since, i hope to god i don't know this person, and for your sake, i think you're terrific, but why would even remain friends with anyone who would have such a twisted way of thinking...?
talk about paranoic...thinking people make this shit up is TRULY paranoic. I hope she gets help, and thanks to you for setting her straight and giving some perspective. IT would be awful if something like this happened to her, ormaybe it did and she blames herself - i don't know. but whatever the case, this is an antiquated and truly offensive attitude.
don't bother saying anything more about it; seriously. i don't want to hear it.
you , i love.
she... whatever. sorry. but i can't believe someone would say such a thing.
talk about insult to injury.
wow. i couldn't have been a better bitch myself. Kudos to her.
s.