A 5.2 magnitude earthquake hit southern Illinois and eastern Missouri in the early morning hours of April 18, shaking windows, waking up people throughout the bi-state region, flooding police departments with panicked calls, and disturbing St. Louis’ downtown drug peddlers who mistook the commotion for a police raid and frantically dropped their stashes.
Also, your mother called you during the quake to ask if the kids were okay, whether the doors were locked, and why you don’t visit anymore.
No major structural damage has been reported thus far, however, several locals say they have been mentally traumatized by the event, and are also “quite disappointed that it was nothing like the earthquakes at that Richter’s restaurant we ate at on vacation in Florida.”
Other locals have vowed to take up arms against the city of Bellmont, where the quake was centered. “That city’s been trouble ever since it added that second, unnecessary ‘L’ to its name,” said Valley Park native Todd “Goober” Farkins. “It’s because of that city’s blatant arrogance in violating accepted rules of linguistics, and not the scientifically-explainable phenomenon of two tectonic plates moving apart near the Wabash Valley Seismic Zone that caused this.”
Most dramatically, the ghost of Iben Browning emerged from a prolonged silence to announce the earthquake has vindicated his previous prediction made in 1990. Browning, who managed to create a sustained panic and all-around level of irrational stress in St. Louis and surrounding areas by claiming there was a 50% chance an earthquake would strike at the New Madrid fault line on December 2 or 3, 1990, quickly became the object of scorn and ridicule when his prediction failed to materialize. Not even being name-checked in the Uncle Tupelo song, “New Madrid,” could repair his reputation in the Show Me State.
Article comments
1 - Dr Dreadful
Sure hope Browning isn't on the team that is predicting a 99% chance of a major quake hitting California within the next 30 years.
Mind you, it isn't exactly a Nostradamian prophecy... It's a bit like forecasting that next year's Superbowl will be won by a football team.
Nevertheless, that move to Portland is looking real enticing - except... oh, bugger.