I'm feeling good about everything and start to do a little happy dance in the middle of the restaurant. People look at me with pained expressions. C'mon, I'm not that bad! I then realize that I've been sitting in the place in a long t-shirt and nothing else. And, what's that smell? Oh man, when did I last shower?
Eh, if they can't handle it, screw 'em.
Back at the computer, I see the writers I contacted earlier have responded. Ouch! Such language! I kick it up to EO. He has nothing going on, right? Right.
My son nudges me and tells me that they're kicking us out of Panera. Reluctantly, I load everything into the car and head back to the bleakness of my powerless home. By some miracle, there's a light shining from within. Whoa! The candle I left burning in the bathroom after my earlier visit seems to have set off some sort of chain reaction and the place is on fire. I grab the cell phone and dial 911. Thankfully, there wasn't much to burn, what with the flood from earlier. Whatever.
I send my child over to his dad's house and call a friend asking for a place to stay for a couple days. I secure a room, a shower, some clothes, and most importantly, Internet access!
All is right with the world once again.
Maybe I should try my hand at the presidency. That shouldn't be too hard after all this, right? Oh, crap. I can't. I have to get back to editing. And, really. Why would I give up my glamorous life as an editor for such a thankless job as that?
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Pat Fish
This is the funniest thing I read in a month.
2 - Mark Saleski
"Look at me! Be with me! I have needs, too!" Men.
...and you wonder why we write blues tunes! ;-)
3 - chantal stone
all that and you still have time to write! splendid!!
4 - Warren
What she doesn't mention is that this is a SLOW DAY for editors!!
lol Great piece. Now, about that article I have pending ...
5 - Christopher Rose
You forgot to mention the vast salary, lavish expenses account and hordes of Thai ladyboys to take care of our every whim...
6 - Amrita
LOL
And hey, did someone say this is a SLOW day? Oh good, coz I have something for you...
7 - Matthew T. Sussman
Those who can't write, edit.
Those who can't edit, paginate.
Those who can't paginate, write.
8 - Bliffle
Great fun!
9 - Natalie Bennett
Matt, you've obviously worked on a newspaper, although my last line would be:
...Those who can't paginate, manage.
10 - Jackie
Cute, very cute! I strive to be an easy edit.
11 - Matthew T. Sussman
I can do you one better:
"Those who can't manage, sign the checks"
12 - Ruthie
This was enjoyable!
13 - Dave Nalle
It's still better than editing was in the old days. Remember hot glue machines?
Dave
14 - Mary K. Williams
Joanie - 'Whatever!' I loved that.
15 - Joanie
Hey, if we can't make fun of ourselves and each other, where's the joy in living?
16 - Purple Tigress
All glamor and fame: that's what we get as editors for Blogcritics.org.
There is an error in your summary: glamour
17 - Mark Bellinghaus
Wonderful!!!!!
18 - Joanie
Purple Tigress, "glamor" is proper American English. As much as I like the added "u", it's not how I grew up spelling it and that's not how my spellchecker is set.
19 - Jackie
I have trouble trusting spellcheckers. The one on Blogger suggests "jackass" in lieu of "Jackie." Waaah! I shouldn't admit it, but I rarely use a spellchecker when I write. I've always been a good speeler (heehee) and was one of those kids decades ago in the National Spelling Bee. I did poorly, but to this day I can look at a word I don't know and often tell it's spelled wrong. So, I end up trusting an actual dictionary. I have yet to find a spellchecker as good as Funk and Wagnall's!
20 - Joanie
I still look things up even if the spellchecker says it's okay. I hit Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com every time I have even the slightest question. Both insist that glamor is appropriate American English usage.
21 - Scott Butki
Wait, did people really turn in someone elses work? That is lower than low so if so I'm disappointed.
Joan, this is hilarious.
I'm not sure whether to laugh with you or at you
but next time you email I'll be more sympathetic or empathetic or one of those -ic words which I'd look up if I wasn't so lazy.
I think I'll just turn it in like this and let the editors reading it figure out what I meant.
22 - Jackie
I agree with you on "glamor." It's the American English spelling and that's my way, too. I'm just leery of any spellchecker which wants me to change my name to "Jackass." :::sniffle:::
23 - Scott Butki
I say save the extra u's in glamour, colour, and other britishisms for the countries in major need
of vowells, like Yugoslavia.
24 - Elvira Black
Joan:
ROFL! But honestly, I didn't know editors actually have to go to the bathroom. You didn't mention sleep though...
25 - Joanie
What the hell is sleep? I gave that up when I had kids. But that's another story altogether.