After a recent spate of complaints, I began to think I should give up editing for Blogcritics and become a pimp. They have it easy compared to what we editors endure.
Oh, the glorious life of an editor. Yeah, I know you're all thinking that we editors sit around in some room, passing the bottles of booze, the smokes, and the haute cuisine. Sure. Wouldn't that be a beautiful thing?
Reality check!
Fact is, the life of an editor is a lonely job. Unless you count the endless emails.
Imagine a handful of people sitting around in their individual abodes. Contrary to popular belief, we do not live in a commune on some exotic island.
So there we sit. Alone. We look at the volumes of emails all screaming for attention. Editor 1 has sent out a missive letting everyone else know that they're working on an article requiring input from others. "Is this going to get us in legal trouble?" "Is it just me or does this read like someone fed a dictionary to a hamster and ran it through a duck press to see what came out?" "Can someone please edit my article about the breaking news story from three days ago?" Ah, yes, even editors must wait in line. And we're regularly stumped by some of the articles we read. Yes, we read all the articles. Forget the sexy centerfolds, we have to read everything!
Then, after six hours of nonstop emails, queries from writers and other editors, and near-blindness, I realize I need to use the bathroom (Damn, is it supposed to hurt that much when I pee? Why can't I just have a foley catheter and skip the whole 'pee like a racehorse' thing twice a day?), tend to a starving or bleeding child, nod at a spouse or significant other, and maybe grab a piece of that stale and suspicious-looking piece of pizza in the back of the fridge. As I step over the pile of unread mail and newspapers and dirty clothes, I grab the milk from the fridge and sniff at it warily. I think, "when was the last time I went to the store? It smells iffy. If I drink it, will I collapse on the floor and writhe in pain for hours? If I take my chances on the milk and the pizza, end up with food poisoning, do you think the writers will understand that I can't reach the computer from the bathroom and their articles are going to have to wait?"
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Pat Fish
This is the funniest thing I read in a month.
2 - Mark Saleski
"Look at me! Be with me! I have needs, too!" Men.
...and you wonder why we write blues tunes! ;-)
3 - chantal stone
all that and you still have time to write! splendid!!
4 - Warren
What she doesn't mention is that this is a SLOW DAY for editors!!
lol Great piece. Now, about that article I have pending ...
5 - Christopher Rose
You forgot to mention the vast salary, lavish expenses account and hordes of Thai ladyboys to take care of our every whim...
6 - Amrita
LOL
And hey, did someone say this is a SLOW day? Oh good, coz I have something for you...
7 - Matthew T. Sussman
Those who can't write, edit.
Those who can't edit, paginate.
Those who can't paginate, write.
8 - Bliffle
Great fun!
9 - Natalie Bennett
Matt, you've obviously worked on a newspaper, although my last line would be:
...Those who can't paginate, manage.
10 - Jackie
Cute, very cute! I strive to be an easy edit.
11 - Matthew T. Sussman
I can do you one better:
"Those who can't manage, sign the checks"
12 - Ruthie
This was enjoyable!
13 - Dave Nalle
It's still better than editing was in the old days. Remember hot glue machines?
Dave
14 - Mary K. Williams
Joanie - 'Whatever!' I loved that.
15 - Joanie
Hey, if we can't make fun of ourselves and each other, where's the joy in living?
16 - Purple Tigress
All glamor and fame: that's what we get as editors for Blogcritics.org.
There is an error in your summary: glamour
17 - Mark Bellinghaus
Wonderful!!!!!
18 - Joanie
Purple Tigress, "glamor" is proper American English. As much as I like the added "u", it's not how I grew up spelling it and that's not how my spellchecker is set.
19 - Jackie
I have trouble trusting spellcheckers. The one on Blogger suggests "jackass" in lieu of "Jackie." Waaah! I shouldn't admit it, but I rarely use a spellchecker when I write. I've always been a good speeler (heehee) and was one of those kids decades ago in the National Spelling Bee. I did poorly, but to this day I can look at a word I don't know and often tell it's spelled wrong. So, I end up trusting an actual dictionary. I have yet to find a spellchecker as good as Funk and Wagnall's!
20 - Joanie
I still look things up even if the spellchecker says it's okay. I hit Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com every time I have even the slightest question. Both insist that glamor is appropriate American English usage.
21 - Scott Butki
Wait, did people really turn in someone elses work? That is lower than low so if so I'm disappointed.
Joan, this is hilarious.
I'm not sure whether to laugh with you or at you
but next time you email I'll be more sympathetic or empathetic or one of those -ic words which I'd look up if I wasn't so lazy.
I think I'll just turn it in like this and let the editors reading it figure out what I meant.
22 - Jackie
I agree with you on "glamor." It's the American English spelling and that's my way, too. I'm just leery of any spellchecker which wants me to change my name to "Jackass." :::sniffle:::
23 - Scott Butki
I say save the extra u's in glamour, colour, and other britishisms for the countries in major need
of vowells, like Yugoslavia.
24 - Elvira Black
Joan:
ROFL! But honestly, I didn't know editors actually have to go to the bathroom. You didn't mention sleep though...
25 - Joanie
What the hell is sleep? I gave that up when I had kids. But that's another story altogether.