You probably can't hit a baseball as well as Albert Pujols. Why? Certainly major league players were born with some level of physical advantage over the rest of us, but most of their skill comes from training - relentless training, year after year.
Imagine a baseball coming toward you at a hundred miles per hour; that's less than a half second from pitcher's hand to catcher's mitt. Decide whether to swing, then decide how to swing, and then actually swing the bat - all in less than a half second. Does Albert think about swinging the bat? I doubt it.
That quick a reaction has to be instinctive. Instincts are something we are born with, right? In this case, no. The instinctive response Albert now has to the approach of a fast moving baseball is the result of years of training.Most people think anger is an instinctive response, and that some people were just born with the temperament to get angrier faster than others. That statement is half right. Anger is an instinctive response. We respond to an affront with anger in the same time as a pitched baseball reaches the batter — essentially instantaneously — much too quickly for conscious thought to be called upon.
The instinct of the anger response can be trained in the same way as a batter's response is trained: through conscious repetition, visualization, and coaching. Visualization is seeing the event we desire to master in our mind's eye. We see the approaching baseball or the antagonistic action as if it were real, and then mentally practice our response.During his training, a baseball player strives to make each swing better than the last. The repetition of a faulty swing would be worse than useless. It would ingrain bad habits. The same is true of emotional responses.
If we allow ourselves to continue to have the same angry responses, we just entrench our anger habit, but if we strive to moderate our anger response over time — through consciousness, visualization, and coaching — we can train ourselves to respond to events as we choose, without anger. You can't magically be free from anger tomorrow, but you can put yourself on a training program that will reduce the frequency and intensity of your anger response day-by-day and year-by-year.My training advice for moderating the anger response is:1. Consciously practice responding with a little less anger each time a situation provokes you.2. Practice visualizing aggravating situations and rehearse the response you choose to make to such events.3. Have patience. It took you years to get so angry. It may take years to reduce anger down to a minor twinge.4. Understand you can never completely eliminate the anger response. Minimizing anger requires lifelong conscious practice. The preceding advice is intended for those who are quick to anger, and who display their anger outwardly, but what about people who don't appear to anger? Some people who don't show anger have trained themselves to moderate their anger response, but many others internalize their anger rather than expressing it. While withheld anger may save family and friends from having to endure an outburst, unexpressed anger is even more damaging to its owner than is anger that is verbalized and acted upon. For those who suffer from repressed anger, there must be an intermediate stop along the path from anger to freedom. First the anger must be expressed. While I believe most people can significantly reduce the frequency and intensity of their anger responses through the training steps above, overcoming repressed anger is usually not a do-it-yourself proposition.
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Article comments
1 - roger nowosielski
Tell this to our friend, Ruvy. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
2 - roger nowosielski
I'd make a case for "feigned anger," because it does serve its purpose to express moral indignation, e.g., with an idea of turning a person around. But of course since it's feigned, you've already licked the problem.
3 - Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Roger, I agree with your point about the usefulness of appearing outraged for the purpose of getting someone's attention. For better or for worse, it proves to be an effective strategy. That it works is telling about human nature. Another argument for the sheer uselessness of genuine blood-pressure-raising anger.
4 - Michael
Fascinating article. Thank you for sharing. We all know people like this and suffer from their ongoing wrath over every perceived slight or we are these people ourselves.
Well written and highly interesting.
5 - Al Barger
Yeah Roger, Ruvy just needs to "moderate" ie supress his anger. No need for him to be pissed just because all the neighbors are trying to kill his people, and that a big part of the rest of the world blames the Jews for Muslim wickedness. Cause all the making nice, forbearance and so forth have done Israel SO much good.
Hey, maybe sometimes supression of anger isn't the answer, but a good old fashion pissed off killing binge against the rats attacking you.
6 - Ras Reed
A well written article that should be read by everyone who is unable to control his or her temper. I agree with you on the power of visualization. If we few moments to visualize the result of our anger, we will know how to react appropriately.
7 - grant
Loved the article and am inspired by it!