Scenario #3: A tourist accidentally drops her iPod off of the observation deck at the Empire State Building. Upon impact, it crushes a man selling double-decker bus tours below.
Scenario #4: After growing a thick black beard during the winter time, a man takes a trip to Miami to catch some rays. However, he forgets to remove his iPod from his pocket liner, and is promptly mistaken by a first week inspector as a terrorist with a bomb and tazered to death.
Scenario #5: A woman listening to her iPod is waiting on a curb to cross a city street. She does not hear the screams of people around her, and the mirror of a speeding bus extending over the sidewalk takes her head off.
Scenario #6: A teen downloads a song to his iPod that illegally samples the Smurfs theme and hundreds of little blue men come out from under his desk and eat the teen alive.
Scenario #7: A man listens to "Stairway to Heaven" twice in a row on his iPod, and the earth below parts and swallows him.
Scenario #8: Microsoft buys Apple, and all iPods begin running a Windows OS. The iPod then surgically attaches itself to all users. Resistance is futile.
Scenario #9: A grad student learns the actual cost of what it takes Apple to produce an iPod and chokes on his dinner of lukewarm Ramen noodles.
DISCLAIMER: This is satire. I do hope society learns from the real people who died in some of the news stories at the beginning of this post, but I don't in any way mock their deaths. The mantra we all should remember is: Love thy iPod. But not to death.
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Mark Sahm writes and dodges falling Apples at Blogimus Prime
Article comments
1 - Temple Stark
ha ha nice work.
Can anyone say cellphone? (It was the too-blame thing to do before the iPod)
2 - Mark Sahm
Although you can replace a cellphone now a hundred times easier than an iPod.
And I might use the Jedi mind trick on a thief as such, "You'd much rather steal my cell than my iPod."
3 - dietdoc
The compulsion for distraction of any form or fashion (cell phone, iPods, etc.) remains a constant source of my personal amusement. Why people of any profession, lifestyle, race or whatever stratification seem to require - even crave - being "plugged in" to something - anything - should be the subject of someone's dissertation.
I personally find the implements of uninterupted stimuli fatiguing. From the days of the first beepers - that did nothing more than sound an alarming screech alerting you to call the operator - to today's digital leeches that seemingly embed themselves into a person's ear, 24/7 - they mystify me, no end. Apparently, solitude and silence are to be avoided at all costs these days. Those two graces are now orphans to most.
4 - Mark Sahm
That depends if you can find the silence and solitude, dietdoc.
If you work in a city during the day, unless you get a blindfold and wax earplugs, you don't find either.
5 - dietdoc
Mark writes: "If you work in a city during the day, unless you get a blindfold and wax earplugs, you don't find either."
Reply: Quite right, Mark. They are, if one could mentally draw concentric, enlarging circles from the center of most cities, found largely only in the most peripheral zones. Thus, the root origin of suburbia. The interesting point to me, however, is that we now feel compelled to take these infernal devices into the last remaining bastions of these graces, ignoring their inherent value.
Sorry, that doesn't make much sense, does it?
Cheers and obfuscation to the whole subject!
Ron
6 - Lisa
Hilarious, Mark! This was too funny. Have you considered podcasting this post....?
;-)
Lisa
7 - Mark Sahm
Lisa, if only I knew how.