The trauma therapist sat a few feet away from the middle-aged woman who had been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The middle-aged woman, whom we will call Cheryl, is a survivor of an abusive marriage. Cheryl used EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), an integrative psychotherapy approach, to jumpstart her recovery.
The therapist handed Cheryl two small discs connected to electrical wires that the therapist controlled. She held one disc in each hand and her therapist asked her to state her false belief. Cheryl answered, “I’m unlovable.” Then, the therapist asked her on a scale of one to 10 how she would rate this belief to be true. The woman answered: “It’s a 10...some days I believe it's a 12.”
The therapist asked her to think of a positive belief to replace her negative and false belief. Cheryl responded, “I guess it would have to be that I am lovable.”
Cheryl was told to close her eyes and repeat to herself the words, “I am lovable.” As Cheryl repeated the positive belief to herself (thinking it, not speaking it), the two discs began to vibrate in each hand. First her left hand holding the disc would feel a sensation, accompanied by a low humming sound, then her right. Sometimes Cheryl felt the sensations at the same time, but mostly she felt the discs vibrate back and forth, alternating, right-left or left-right.
She thought about the positive belief, felt the discs vibrate, and sat with her eyes closed as the therapist asked her to recall a time when she was made to feel unlovable. “Tell me what comes to mind. What do you see?” asked her therapist.
Cheryl began to see images. One, two, then a flood of memories came back to her. As each "memory snapshot" appeared, Cheryl described what she saw to her therapist.
According to the EMDR Institute:
"EMDR psychotherapy is an information processing therapy and uses an eight phase approach to address the experiential contributors of a wide range of pathologies. It attends to the past experiences that have set the groundwork for pathology, the current situations that trigger dysfunctional emotions, beliefs and sensations, and the positive experience needed to enhance future adaptive behaviors and mental health."
This session was in the early phase of Cheryl's EMDR treatment and here is only part of the dialogue taken from Cheryl's EMDR session (omitting questions the therapist asked and directions the therapist gave her to help her re-process the information.) :
“He’s in a rage. He's yelling at me because I spent too much for groceries. I was $10 over budget. He’s in my face screaming. He's calling me stupid. He wakes up my son. My son is yelling from his bedroom, 'Dad, quit bullying Mom,' but he doesn't stop. I just take it. I don't do anything to stop it. I don't want it to escalate.
Article comments
1 - Glenn Contrarian
I've often referred to one guy who worked for me in the Navy whom I've always believed had a narcissistic personality disorder. He wasn't as extreme as the case you describe, but it was no fun having him around.
Looking at the subtypes you describe, he was certainly high-functioning. He was very intelligent, technically quite proficient, and he made sure that he always looked good in uniform. If he willingly took on a job, the job would be done and done well.
But no one, absolutely no one could tell him that he was wrong...for if they did, he saw them as a threat. As his direct supervisor, I had to tell him when he was wrong, and like I said, he saw me as a threat. He tried to get me busted - unsuccessfully, thank goodness - but what struck me was that when he told me what he was doing, it was as if he was telling me about the weather or the time of day...as if it was no big deal, nothing personal.
I lived next door to him in housing, and - when our respective wives moved in preparation for our eventual transfers - I lived next door to him in the barracks. He made sure he had the very best in audio and video, kept his room spotless, et cetera. But for all his qualities, I remembered that he treated his Filipina wife as a maid.
His personality finally got him busted - I had nothing to do with it. Of course he fought it until the end and refused to accept what was happening - nothing was ever his fault. When he was about to leave, I shook his hand and sincerely wished him well, and he warmly did the same for me...and again, it was as if trying to get me busted, trying to ruin my ability to provide for my family, was no big deal, was of no consequence. I don't know if he realized that I did not like him, did not trust him, but did pity him. I think his ego was such that he really believed that everyone - including myself, since he no longer saw me as a threat - really liked him.
It's tough to have a guy like that working for you. It would be even tougher working for someone like that.
2 - Luanne Stevenson
Thanks for sharing your experience. What I found interesting (when researching- before I wrote this article)was that there are clusters for this disorder. For example, a narcissistic personality can also have qualities that are antisocial and paranoid too. You are right--it would be awful to work for someone who had a personality disorder and unfortunately, there are people who do!
3 - sashasquire
I was falling for someone that I truly trusted, whom I was seduced by and lent money to. It was too good to be true. Once the money was SLOWLY being paid back to me, the controlling and blaming and paranoia characteristics on his part were kicking in. Red flags were everywhere. Ill treatment. I was floored. And as a result became powerless because I knew a debt was owed to me. It was an intense 2 1/2 years. I was a sexual object only and didn't know how to get out of it. My appearance began to show signs of emotional and mental abuse. I needed to get out. As I carefully had a phone conversation stating no more, I was interrupted and told that I was insane and the argument was focused on a totally different topic. He was avoiding being blamed. He took control, as usual and hung up on me cutting me out of his life and clearly stating so. I am owed a smaller debt, but can walk away from it. But I am very scarred from this. But I feel free. It's a weird feeling to say the least. I am often sad, but I am thankful to have experienced this, for now I know what a person with NPD is.