I started smoking at 16. Thirty-plus years later, not only am I still at it, but I think, especially since I started blogging, that I'm probably up to about two plus packs a day. I tend to lose count, and just intermittenly glance down, only mildly surprised to see that yet another pack is empty.
This, along with the lack of exercise since starting Shithouse rat--aka my personal blog--is beginning to alarm me mightily. I actually stopped smoking for about 5 years long long ago, but after I stopped taking Lithium (I'm now on other meds) I went into another hypomania and started puffing away again, similar to the old "getting back onto the bicycle" routine.
I've read over and over again that those with mental illnesses are much more likely to smoke, and that perhaps the nicotine serves as some sort of self-medicating thing. I know it helps quell anxiety. And there's nothing more anxiety producing than getting admitted to the psych ward, where on top of everything else you can no longer smoke. When my b/f, who's been hospitalized too many times to count for schizophrenia, starts wondering if he should check himself back in again just for old time's sake, I remind him that not only is there no real help for him there, but the prison-like atmosphere will soon be made that much more unbearable by the absence of cigs. Used to be you could smoke your brains out in the loony bin--what the hell else was there to do, anyway?--but now, no dice. I was lucky that during my last hospitalization, in Payne Whitney, they allowed those with privileges to go out in a group several times a day in front of the hosp and have a cig or two.
Back when my employment counselor/liaison at my job--who was arranging my inpatient hospitalizations and other services--heard that I sometimes drank and smoked pot, she assumed I had a dual diagnosis and sent me to a twice-a-week rehab group. At that point, I was too psychotic to speak, let alone use substances, but I do remember our counselor in group telling one pot junkie, after seeing his urine sample, that "we could smoke you."
Article comments
1 - Aaman
cold turkey
2 - swingingpuss
I haven't smoked for over ten years but the urge has never left me.
Wish I could give you some miracle fix but truthfully you have to grit your teeth and build a strong willpower.
And though I don't see much harm in pot yet I would recommend you lay off pot too while you are at it as one might lead to another.
When the craving hits you do something constructive, be goal oriented, have some projects lined up and keep a journal.
Most importantly remember life is all about winning and there is no room for backsliding.
I'm sure you can do it! Just believe in yourself and it will happen.
3 - Temple Stark
I started and stopped smoking when I was 4. Suck it up.
Or rather, don't.
It seems you're a candidate for either seriously distracting exercise or continued smoking. Pick one.
4 - Elvira Black
Aaman:
Hey, that doesn't sound like much fun! I think I still like my idea about putting myself into a sleep pod better.
5 - elvira Black
Swingingpuss:
Exactly! After five years off the coffin nails, I was nailing myself shut all over again as soon as I convinced one of my pals to let me bum a cig off of her. I guess that little pleasure center in your brain--the part that's pre-verbal, and thus pre-logical--just never can forget what it was all about. Oy vey!
On to your suggestions:
Do something constructive (if blogging is conscructive, that is):
check.
Be goal oriented (if blogging hard and well is a sufficient goal): check.
Have some projects lined up: as long as the projects are blog related, that's another big check.
Keep a journal: Well, my blog isn't, like, a real journal journal, but close enough. Check.
Now what do I do? If you'd had said life is about whining instead of winning, I could relate, because I can be quite a kvetch.
But seriously, I do appreciate your advice. It all makes sense. I suspect using a patch might help as well. Part of my big prob is blog-smoking, or smoke-blogging. Gotta stop that combo.
6 - Elvira Black
Temple:
You started AND stopped smoking at the age of four?
How precocious!
Hmm...seriously distracting exercise or continued smoking--interesting. Let me light up a butt and think that one over for awhile.
7 - Andy Marsh
Elvira - One thing that has helped me cut back significantly in my smoking is promising myself I wouldn't smoke in my house...when you haveto get up from the computer to light up it has a tendency to slow it down some...either you'll be to busy to get up...or you'll never get anything done on the 'puter...I'm somewhere in the middle...but I've been smoking for 30 years and I still only smoke a pack a day.
8 - swingingpuss
Temple, the only seriously distracting act that comes to my mind is sex but good sex deserves a good smoke ;)
9 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
We have a neighbor who comes to vent every now and again about life (her husband suffered heart failure, ws clinically dead and is now in a warehouse type hospital).
More often than not, she comes on the Sabbath after the Friday night meal. According to Jewish law, you are not allowed to ignite a flame on the Sabbath - the basic act required to smoke a cigarette. She is observant and does not smoke on the Sabbath. But she always has a pack of sunflower seeds.
You could start observing the Sabbath by not igniting the cigarette lighter for 25 hours. You'd be doing something to benefit yourself, too. Get lots of sunflower seeds, though.
It's not as much fun as sex, but you don't inhale...
10 - Elvira Black
Andy:
Excellent point. Matter of fact, when I did stop smoking for five years it was after smoking became verboten in my old office. When I started up again, I was in another office where (at least for awhile) it was a-ok to smoke if you had your door closed.
I've often also thought about the sociology of smoking. There are people I probably would never have gotten to know too well if we didn't both smoke and wind up going to each other's offices for a "cig." Same holds if you have to smoke outside. Suicidal lunatics seem to like to stick together.
But seriuosly, that is an excellent idea. Living in NYC, I'm not sure if I would leave my apt at 4 am to smoke though, but at least if I didn't allow myself to light a butt while on the computer it would help a lot. Plus, a smoke always tastes 20 times better if you have to wait awhile for it.
And the thing is, I do believe my addiction to computers is at least as strong, or maybe even worse, than my addiction to nicotine.
Certainly food for thought. Thanks for the tip!
11 - Elvira Black
Swingingpuss:
My first thought was also sex when I saw Temple's comment...wait a minute, that didn't come out right...let me start again.
As with everyone I "know" via the internet, I have a picture of Temple firmly in my mind. Though I don't know him well, I imagine that he is too decent a guy to have his mind in the gutter that way. I could be wrong though.
12 - Elvira Black
Ruvy:
Interesting idea, sunflower seeds...but so messy, no?
I know you can't vacum on the Sabbath, so what the heck do you do with all those errant bits of shell that get all over the place?
Well, it's gotta be less gross than those nasty cigarette butts.
I guess I could just put the shells into a big ashtray and hope fo the best.
I'd prefer pistachios, but they're more fattening. Wait a sec--is all this nut and seed opening allowed on the Sabbath, or are you referring to the shelled variety?
Seriously, that's not a bad idea though.
13 - Andy Marsh
Elvire - try the fire escape? My grandparents lived in the city when I was growing up...in the Village...really cool little italian neighborhood...a lot of fun when I was growing up...but then again...if you live in one of those really big buildings...there's probably no fire excape...oh well.
14 - Elvira Black
Andy:
Nice idea, but nah, no fire escape. But I do like the thought of "escaping" from the smokes while computing--maybe put them out on the window ledge or something. That reminds me of that movie with Ray Milland, "The Lost Weekend," where he hides his bottle by attaching it to a rope and hanging it out the window.
Yeah, I've got some logistics to figure out. Maybe if I create a device that makes it really really hard to get at the cigs in my pack--maybe some sort of electric shock everytime I reach for one, and a double one when I light up...
So hard to fight those battles when they're all against yourself...
15 - bill singingguy
i think cold turkey is the best way. although my parents started up again... they did quit for a year on that method. sadly, they were having loads of financial problems and then an old friend came into town (who smoked) and they got back on the train. i think that the best way to do it would be to remove all cigs, ashtrays, butts, etc. from your house.... and car.... and office. let everyone know that you quit smoking so that way if you talk about it with them they can do the right thing : be understanding or give you hell for saying you want one.
i hope that some of this helps... i am not even sure how i found this sight, but feel free to email. :)
16 - Elvira Black
Singingguy:
Oh yeah, stress is a huge trigger for the cigs. I guess something in them has both a stimulating and calming effect. And being around another smoker (as I am most of the time) makes it tougher, but not impossible, though that scratches the idea of no ashtrays, etc. Unless we both quit at the same time--now wouldn't that be a wonder?
I have a sneaking suspicion I might be able to do this, though, if I did the gum or the patch. Since it's hazardous to smoke on the patch, that could hopefully keep me riding the cold turkey. Just have to watch that (gobble, gobble) tendency to bloat as a substitute...
17 - singingguy
grr. one of those: write a big long response then accidentally click a link.... errr. to sum it up though.... i would not reccomend the gum or patch as it just keeps the nicotine in your system longer.... and plus that never worked for anyone that i am aware of. try altoid mints or a pen cap as an alternative to fatty nuts or messy seeds. hard candy also works well as i find the *stay mature* 'sucking' aspect of smoking to be the most addicting part. i cant give the best advice because i am a smoker as well. BUT, i did quit for a few months on the cold turkey out of sight out of mind theory... that got ruined when my parents started buying cartons and putting them in the fridge(cigs dont spoil?). i have heard from numerous people about the 'three day' trial period. well, that is BS cos i just quit for three days... had an extremely pooey weekend and grabbed a pack from the fridge on sunday. when i quit before though, it was more like a week of not being around any smoke to get my head straight. after a week... i didnt really think about it unless i saw or smelled it. kinda like those damn coca cola commercials 0_o hope dis helps. and like all the exsmokers i know and swingingpus(lmao) basically said is... you can never stop the cravings... you will get those every day, but you CAN stop the desire.
18 - Elvira Black
singingguy:
Oh yeah, one of those "two-cig" long responses--when that happens I just have to start again and smoke another three to get it right (lol).
Hard candy's a good one. I also think regular gum might help too.
Oh my, the cig in the fridge enablers...they do make it hard...lol. Like being an alcoholic and having your parents bring cases of ice cikd beer home that you have to face down every time you go for a midnight snack....
Thanks--it's good to hear from another struggling smoker. Now I know why my father (who smoked and died at 50) told me never to start on those nasty things--once it's in your system, like you said--you can never stop the cravings. Ugh.
19 - KAY
Well I haven't had a cig in four days,but I am on the patches which seems not to be helping at all. I also have been sucking on hard candy and nuts too. That is not helping either. My husband and I have been having alot of great sex which in the last four days it seem the number of times is becoming a lot more than we use too. But the carving are hitting me hard and harder. Which I have also started walking two miles when I get up in the morning. I have heard staying busy exercise and just not thinking about it you can stop that is BS so far not working..... Please any suggestions i am really starting to rethink this not smoking business and buy a pack but my daughter is really begging me not to i will hate to disappoint her but i dont think i am strong enough to stop.
20 - sr
Just ready to call it a night and found Elvira in Marlboro Country. Im still laughing after reading this blog and comments. All I wanted before calling it a night was 2 banana cream filled Twinkies and my big plastic Steak and Shake 16oz cup with half and half and whipping cream. Then a Basic ultra light smoke.
I remember living in the Tanana Valley of Alaska many years ago and my wife pregnant with our daughter. We both smoked at the time until she became pregnant. She quit smokeing cold turkey. Built two log cabins back then and a log outhouse. Since I still smoked and would not smoke inside our log cabin, their were many days at 65 below that I endured my habit outside. For sure my smokeing curtailed. After 15yrs my wife went back to smokeing. Now we live in Florida. At least she smokes on the back porch. Sure must be cold out their honey. What a frecking rip-off. At least we both smoke the same brand. Basic Ultra Lights. Think its safe to smoke them like Duh. Cancer awaits.
No advice on how to quit unless you have the lungs removed. Makes sence to me. No place for the smoke to go.
Ruvy said you could start observing the Sabbath by not igniting the cigarette lighter for 25 hrs. Ruvy forgot to include matches, propane torches, lighting strikes, and the back-yard BBQ.
I just wonder if you can smoke sunflower seeds rapped inside a brown paper bag. I smoked some kind of fern once which was rapped inside toilet paper. Was in the mountains for a few weeks and left the smokes behind. Now I know why people become cannibalistic or if one smokes that would be smokeibalistic.
Cant believe I made it to 62 and retired. Maybe I will try to smoke a dried up Twinkey someday.
Goodnight.
sr
21 - Elvira Black
KAY:
Bravo to you for sticking with it so far. Hmmm...seems to me that you're doing some really healthy and fun things like more exercise and more sex, so maybe if you can bite the bullet for another few days or so the cravings will start to subside?
I can relate to the patch not working. My boyfriend had to spend a long time in the hospital without a smoke, and he said the patches didn't work at all. All that happened is he wound up gaining weight, and the nanosecond he left the hospital he went and bought a pack of Lucky non-filters, sat down on a park bench, and inhaled them all in one sitting.
However, another friend of mine quit several months ago because her kids were begging her to. She's been going through some very busy and even stressful times, and I have to doubly admire the fact that she's still not smoking even under all sorts of pressure. But she feels like she can't let her kids down, and maybe that will help you stay the course too. You daughter wants you to stick around for a long time, and I'm sure your hubby does too. Unfortunately, me giving suggestions is like the blind leading the blind at this point, but I am pretty desperate to quit myself and so it inspires me to see that others can too. Write back and let me know how it's going!
22 - Elvira Black
sr:
Thanks for the early morning laughs! Glad you found me here.
As far as the Sabbath, I think there are some ways around it if you're really desperate for a smoke. If you have a stove burner on (or I guess an open BBQ pit) I think you can just cop a light from there without breaking the Sabbath rule about igniting a new flame (Ruvy? Am I right)? Also if you run out in the street and accost someone for a light, they are doing the "labor" for you and it's also cool, I think.
How was that fern wrapped in toilet paper? Probably had less carcinogens than tobacco though you never can tell. Maybe you could market some sort of blend of herbs, spices, exotic ferns and crushed sunflower seeds and create the next smoking sensation.
BG and I buy slightly different smokes, but he can smoke lights, which I prefer. But what "kills" me is when I run outta non-menthols and have to smoke the menthol monstrosities he sometimes buys. They say that one way to quit is to smoke a brand that you really hate. It should have worked by now though.
I don't know if my mom smoked when she was pregnant, because I don't think they "knew" it was so harmful back then. Maybe that's why I took it up so quickly when I was a teen. Hey, gotta blame someone, right? lol...That's great that your wife abstained during her pregnancy though.
Hey, if you can't eat Twinkies and smoke your Basic Ultra Lights (or vice versa) on the back porch of your own home, especially after your hard-earned retirement, what kind of country has this become? Enjoy, my friend.