3. Intellectual activity is easily spread among college students and can then be brought into the home during semester breaks or over weekends. One approach is to make enormous quantities of food available when anticipating a home visit and make sure the student's mouth is always full. Others suggest planning a trip to areas of the world not currently experiencing any intellectual outbreaks and leaving before the infected student arrives. While Canada has long been off limits, recent outbreaks in Mexico have put that country in doubt. However, many Caribbean islands are still considered pristine.
4. Intellectual activity is most detrimental to the very young and to the elderly. Special steps should be taken to shield these groups from exposure.
5. Should you begin to feel any of the symptoms of intellectual activity, bed rest, fluids and aspirin — lots of aspirin — are recommended. Symptoms may persist for up to two weeks, with feelings of lethargy and agoraphobia continuing for up to a month after that.
WARNING: Do not under any circumstances attempt to consult a Ph.D. They will only prolong the course of the disease.