I don't normally talk about personal issues. I have a wife and a therapist for that type of stuff. Besides, most people have their own shit that they are dealing with and don't need to wade through mine. But since I want to talk about a type of treatment and give a first hand account of its effectiveness, you are going to need some background to better understand what I'm talking about.
This won't be one of those "oh, my life is so hard" things so don't take it like that. I've lived with it for my whole life and I don't think that, so there is no reason for you to either.
As a child I was sexually abused by my father for a period of about ten years: infancy to until I was around twelve years old. The dates are bit unclear, because I am unclear about the whole time period. You see, I blocked everything out until I was thirty-three.
Drug and alcohol use started when I was thirteen and closing down was pretty easy with their assistance. My folks wondered why I was so fucked up and kept sending me to shrinks and a variety of councillors when I was in my teens and early twenties. But nothing ever came out of those meetings except some of those glib assessments one associates with ninteen-seventies psychobabble.
One of the reasons everything was so buried were the coercive tactics of my father to ensure his secret was kept safe. Another was anyone else's refusal to believe me when I told them. The one time I worked up the nerve to tell my mom, she called me nasty and threatened me with reform school.
I was a problem child: shoplifting, lying, etc.These traits continued through until adulthood, along with the addictive behaviour I picked up as I aged. You must remember this was the sixties, I didn't really understand what was going on, except that talking about it was bad, and my father wouldn't love me if I said anything.
Imagine what that combination would do to the mind of a kid, and you can see how I ended up not remembering. It was a lot easier than having to figure out what to do, at least that's the way I see it now. Anyway, didn't everybody's father act like that? Who was I going to compare notes with?
Article comments
1 - Laura Young
Oh gypsyman, rock on for putting this out there on sooo many levels.
I worked as a therapist in a pain management program for 11 years before starting my coaching business. I have certainly seen my share of RSD (my heart truly goes out to you...nasty business that is) and, as you will surely understand, I've seen many people with histories such as you have shared.
I want to add to the encouragement you are giving here for people to explore EMDR.
I put off getting trained in it for quite sometime because it was so unconventional and no one could explain it to me. The therapist doesn't talk a lot and waves their arms around mostly. It just sounded odd and fadish and I'm too practical for that nonsense.
But then people I respected started to tell me about breakthroughs they were having with clients and I had to pay attention.
I got certified and put off actually doing it for a while because I was afraid the pain patients would think I was a nut. I mean, someone, like gypsyman comes in with RSD or multiple back surgeries or, god help me, a worker's comp injury and I'm going to tell them to watch my hand waving around?
But, I decided I had to try and I have to tell you, the results BLEW ME AWAY.
It remains hard to explain in terms of the mechanism and even clients can't explain it well. It seems to bypass the verbal processing so well (where the sometimes overtold and over-rehearsed "story" is stored, separate from the emotions)that translating how it feels and works is somewhat elusive.
As gypsyman states, no guarantees, but absolutely worth checking in to, ESPECIALLY if you feel like you've talked through your issues eight ways to Sunday and you still can't get unstuck.
2 - Michael Tinker
Glad EMDR has been helpful for you two!
EMDR Doctors across USA should donate time to Victims of Hurricate Katrina. Such traumatized people can be greatly helped with EMDR.
EMDR can be used for traumatized children too. Robert Tinker is one of the top EMDR doctors in the world working with children.
Check out his book, "Through the eyes of a Child."
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0393702871/qid=1126109154/sr=2-3/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_3/102-4563055-8516163?v=glance&s=books
Thanks and best regards,
Michael Tinker
3 - Michael Tinker
Regarding EMDR help for the victims of hurricane Katrina, I wanted to mention these sites:
The EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Programs at www.emdrhap.org
EMDR International at www.emdria.org
and www.EMDR.org
Thanks again.
Best regards, Michael Tinker
4 - David
Thank you so much for sharing your story of healing and hope!!