Dan Nied's Fortress of Weight Loss: Day 68

I’ve just spent the last hour watching Barack Obama speeches on Youtube, so if I start going on and on about change and hope and being fired up and ready to go, I hope you’ll cut me a little slack.

Oh, you want to talk about politics now? Okay, fine. I voted for Barack in the California primary.

Now that my political affiliations are out of the way (by the way, I’m an independent voter), we should probably talk about something else.

But what to talk about? Hmmm….

Sports?

Entertainment?

European economic policy?

The crumbling newspaper industry?

Galbladder surgeries? (We’re getting closer.)

Weight loss?

Okay, let’s go with weight loss. Sorry for the stammering start there, I like to mix it up a little bit sometimes. But as weight loss goes, I happen to have some personal thoughts on the subject.

I am happy to announce that the assault on 270 going better than originally planned. You’ll remember that Thursday morning I weighed in at 274.4, a 1.4 pound gain from the previous week. Well, after near-perfect days on Thursday and Friday that included between 1,500 and 2,000 calories and 30-minute elliptical sessions each day, I had a nice surprise on Saturday.

By the way, I hate unveiling these numbers, because I feel like it should be some sort of event. But I can’t figure out the proper dramatic tone to set.

(Some options I have pondered:

• “Ladies and Gentleman, my new weight is...”
• "Without further adieu, I shall unveil my new weight as…,”
• “For the first time in years, I looked down at that royal blue screen with the fat digital numbers, and saw the number… staring me straight in the eye. With that I shuddered, my body shaken to the core. At that moment, I had never wished so much that there was a God, and I was never so sure that there wasn’t.”

In the interest of avoiding plagiarism, and to make sure that this parenthetical note goes down as the longest in history, I should note that the "wish there was a God" line came from an old Saturday Night Live game show sketch called “Who’s More Grizzled.")

Then again, maybe I should just come out with it, and let you make your own judgments.

I am going to go with the SNL line: For the first time in years, I looked down at that royal blue screen with the fat digital numbers, and saw the number 272 staring me straight in the eye. With that I shuddered, my body shaken to the core. At that moment, I had never wished so much that there was a God, and I was never so sure that there wasn’t.

Article Author: Dan Nied

Dan Nied is a journalist, of sorts, living near San Francisco. He is a college graduate, but you wouldn't know it by looking at his bank statement.

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