I am a baby.
A big fat fucking baby. I complain, I whine, I am generally a bitch to be around.
Of course, this is only at work. Outside of work, I am amiable, and likeable and, by most accounts, a good — if excessively loud — guy.
Work makes me crazy sometimes, and it is in those times that my temper flares to childish heights. I am well aware of it, and I can always feel a tantrum coming on, and I always feel bad when it’s done. Normally, I feel like it was somewhat warranted.
I am an even-keeled guy, for the most part. Sure, maybe a bit too emotional at times, maybe a bit too stoic at times. I try too hard to make people laugh, and sometimes, especially in writing, I tug at the heartstrings a little too much. In all the most important categories (not wanting to kill people, not being a pedophile, and having a decent sized vocabulary and general knowledge of the U.S. electoral system and a past history of U.S. presidents), I am at least around, if not above, the average.
Faults? I got ‘em, but everyone does. Dreams? Well, they are being trampled by the newspaper business, and I certainly feel my current employment situation isn’t helping that cause much.
I apologize for this opening rant. Tonight, my thoughts are on my job. To explain any further would be unfair to my employers and my coworkers. I don’t like to bitch in public too much, but just be aware there are people I work with who think I am a stark-raving lunatic, and I can fully understand why.
It’s a curse and a blessing at the same time. I am passionate about my work and I am passionate about the product I help build every day. I am proud of that passion. Trouble is I don’t always express that passion in the best possible way. I think I know more than I do, and I am wrong a lot more than I think I am. I also think that’s what makes me decent at my job. Look, I think I am an effective writer (but of course, you have to judge that for yourself), and I think a big part of that is passion. I see people in my business who have no passion, and it shows.
Article comments
1 - alexandria jackson
It seems like I am always the first person to respond to you and I'm beginnng to feel like a supportive cheerleader-cum-stalker...so forgive me...
A couple of things....
First, those who are passionate about their work will always be the ones to have enormous highs and serious disappointing lows. You know why? Not because you bitch and whine, but because you care. Most people strive for mediocrity and/or become apathetic and just go-thru-the-motions. These are certainly the people who "do their 30 years" and retire.
Those of us with passion have a much harder time trying to just keep the status quo - we always want to make things better. That is why I did a book review on Leadership Brand (it wouldn't kill you to read something I've written, would it?)...and if you do read it, you'll see that I'm frustrated with my colleagues/management too. BUT, I would NEVER give up my passion for peace of mind. The day I just "roll over and take it" is the day I will surely quit. So suck up the lows because you are a mover and a shaker and you can't always get your way (more's the pity) because people are stupid and set in their ways. But you will prevail in the end.
Oh, and, when I was at my hottest (and that was pretty hot), I was in love with someone morbidly obese - in fact, he will always be the one that got away. That's why I can tell you that it isn't that "women can't see thru the lipids" but that maybe "teen/twenties women in singles bars can't see thru the lipids." You have to meet potential partners where your personality shines through so they can fall in love with who you are rather than the "who can I hook up with tonight" bar scene of youth.
Unless of course it's just about getting laid...
2 - Guy
The way I look at it - your frustrated with the job but in doing your best you are working toward something better. Keep in mind that even though the situation isn't ideal you are still doing something you love. Try thinking back to the other jobs you've had and tell me you'd trade being a paid writer, even with all the BS that goes with it for something else. From someone who found themselves doing a job they have the apptitude for but absoultely no interest in - it could be worse.
Same thing with the weight loss thing. You're working towards something better. Being in the moment it might seem difficult to continue but the simple fact that you are taking the appropriate steps is something that most people who are unsatisfied never do. Basically, you're either working to make things better or working to make the worse. If you keep making the right choices you will find yourself the Wojo of the Bay Area (or wherever the business takes you), a much healthier person with someone special in your life- or at least as your "cum- stalker" (yeah I think that's funny) illuded to, at least getting laid.