But maybe when it warms up a little bit, and I can find a well-lit route back home, I might try it.
THE REAL REASON I BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY
So I spoke with my friend Guy and his lovely fiancé Martha yesterday. (Guy, by the way, has been lobbying for more mentions in the blog, so this is his shining moment.). As soon-to-be-married couples often do, Guy and Martha are trying to lose weight in anticipation of the August wedding.
I hadn’t totally kept up with their quest, but I knew they cook much more than I do, and have turned to The Biggest Loser for inspiration. All good things. Of course, they don’t have a blog and are not publicizing their weight loss to the world.
It should be noted that Guy is a former addict of the Atkins diet, and tried that at least 10 times going back to our sophomore year of high school (1995) when he recruited me to try it with him and got violently angry when I showed up to school on the first day with a ham sandwich for lunch.
But Guy and Martha have foregone the Atkins fad in favor of a low-fat, low-calorie diet, somewhat similar to my method. Guy is about 5-foot-8 and probably weighed 220 pounds when he began. Martha is a very attractive girl who, if you ask me, doesn’t need to lose weight (I am trying to gain points with my best friend’s future wife here). Again, that’s all good and I fully support their efforts.
But it turns out that Guy, according to Martha, has lost about 20 pounds since early January. Martha, meanwhile, has lost 12 pounds, and uses the Biggest Loser workouts religiously.
As an egotistical asshole who has only lost 18 pounds so far, these numbers trouble me. These people are stealing my thunder, and I don’t take kindly to that. I am the one that is supposed to have the life-changing transformation. Not my two friends. These two are piggybacking on my success. Shamelessly, I might add. And they are actually beating me at my own game.
I mean, 20 fucking pounds? He’s barely got 20 pounds to lose. The dynamic between me and Guy has always been this: He was the short, slightly chubby, sarcastic, sharp-witted asshole while I was the big, dumb lout who smiled innocently at big boobs and bright lights. (At least until people got to know me and realized I am only a dumb lout only 70 percent of the time.) And my whole fucking quest was to change that dynamic. I will admit that I’ve even had ideas of getting my weight down below Guy’s just to fuck with his head.
Article comments
1 - alexandria jackson
But Guy doesn't have Selma in his corner.
Just sayin.
2 - Walt Milam
WEIGHT LOSS:
Diet began 12/17/07
My age is 72, weight 240, height 5'8", male, BMI 37
Today 2/8/08, day 54, weight 215 and BMI 33
Diet Summary;
calories 1457
fat 90g 796c 55%
carb 52g 202c 14%
protein 95g 393c 27%
alcohol 9g 66c 4%
weight loss 25lbs 1457c 10.4%
I am retired, do not exercise, watch TV and take it easy.
If I get hungry, I eat protein (ham, beef patty, chicken, fish, salami, nuts, deviled eggs, and etc.).
This satisfies my hunger pains.
If I include enough protein in each meal, I am rarely hungry.
I have enjoyed this diet, except for the sugar, bread and pasta that I gave up.
I recommend you read GOOD CALORIES, BAD CALORIES by GARY TAUBES.
He is a science writer, who has researched most all studies on diet and has come to a different diet solution.
3 - norris hill
The secret to losing weight is to exercise. People who subject themselves to dieting ofthen lose weight at first...but put it all back on later. Here's a good video to explain it all. You just can't cut out eating and expect to keep weight off. You need to turn fat into muscle. That's my view, at least.
4 - Guy
I've got your thunder right here jerk. You know I purposefully didn't make a big deal about Martha and me following your lead. In fact all I've done is engage you and encourage you with regard to your own efforts. But you find the need to make this a competition. So now I'm going to bury you. I may even blog about it and follow suite with your fresh and original idea to do what no less than millions of people just bright enough to turn on a computer and mash their hand down on a keyboard have done.
At this wedding people are going to say, "Hey, did you see Dan? He looks great." "Yeah, but he still looks like Dan. Whereas Guy is a classically handsome man. I like him and I'm glad I decided to give Martha and him such a generous cash goft for their wedding."
5 - Guy
And for the record I am 5 foot 9 a-hole.